Today was my first day back at work and my first foray out into the real world.
Yesterday was supposed to be my first day back but I woke up and thought of all of the things I would have to do (mainly, put on pants and brush my hair) and decided it simply wasn't physically possible. That I could put on pants OR brush my hair and I could drive to work OR work but that I couldn't do any combination of those things.
Right now I am only capable of:
1. Not wearing pants
2. Watching House of Cards
I don't ever cry, I just sleep. People greet me cautiously with comfort, as if I might cry, and I want
to assure them that I am way too busy trying to stay awake; that they
are safe. I don't know if I'm catching up on all of the rest I missed last week or if I have sudden onset narcolepsy or if my brain is simply not being a jerk to me for once but I sleep from around 9pm-8am and then still need a morning and late afternoon nap. It is ridiculous and delicious, these deep rests without dreams.
But because I love my job at the yoga studio and was curious about how the outside world is these days, I pulled my hair into a (truly) messy ponytail and went and I'm glad I did. It was worth the effort of putting on pants. I don't know how worth it my presence was for them, since I spent an inordinate amount of time carefully re-folding blankets and arranging items by color and staring at things instead of catching up on more pressing issues but it was good for me, as I love the people and the quiet there. And I love color-coordinating.
Also, I stayed awake for a record-breaking 5 hours in a row today, which is great progress. I am even wearing pants right now (mostly because I'm too tired to take them off but I will still celebrate it as a success).
I am slowly transitioning back to the land of the living, full of reluctance and hope.
But right now I think I'll go to sleep.