"Mom, I have something to tell you," Big Kid announced yesterday.
"I identify as a goose."
"Hmm. Wow. How long have you felt this way?"
"I've always known."
"Well, you know that I've always said that I will love you no matter what, right?"
"But I hate geese so this is a problem. Do you see yourself as a golden goose? Or the scary, flappy kind that poops everywhere and will steal a sandwich right out of your hand?"
"The scary, flappy, sandwich-stealing kind."
"Ugh. I had noticed the sandwich-stealing thing. I mean, I'll work on it -- I have no real valid reason to hate geese anyway so maybe it can be a life lesson for me. I just don't see why you can't be a cat or something less like a goose. "
"Yeah, but if you're a goose, you're a goose."
"Right. That's kind of the whole problem with being a goose -- the goose part. But it's fine."
Later his brother was telling an unrelated story about ducks and he interrupted and said, "Excuse me but as a goose, ducks are practically my cousins. CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!"
I almost died laughing. I am so grateful that I am his mother goose.