Monday, April 4, 2016


Yesterday I woke up surrounded by piles of clothes on hangers and leaving my room required plotting a careful path around stacks of shoe organizers. One scraped my leg and it hurt.

The last residents of our new home didn't understand the concept of closets, so ours have no hanging rods or anything else that makes sense and we attempted to remedy it over the weekend.

"I have an announcement," I told the family over breakfast. "I'm running away from home."

No one was particularly concerned. "Where are you gonna go?" Big Kid asked, sounding bored.

"Well, I found a really cute RV on Craigslist. Someone re-did the whole interior and its all aqua and white and super cute. It's 31' long, so I think I can drive it. I'm just going to drive around I guess. Or maybe I won't drive, maybe I'll just park."

"That's awesome! I want to come!" little kid declared.

"No. Sorry. It's like a writer's retreat, me in my RV. No people or stuff allowed. You can come on holidays?" I offered.

"You're only going to see us on holidays?"

"Well, not EVERY holiday. There are a lot of holidays. I will Facetime you all day long though."

"You would come back. You couldn't make it a year." little kid said.

"I know. Maybe I should only go for three months. That seems very reasonable and we should have closets by then for sure. Then we could use it for a family vacation."

"What about naps and laundry while you're gone?" Mr. Ashley pointed out.

"Uh, that thing is a napping machine. Are you kidding me? All cozy and quiet, AC booming, naps can only improve, really. With laundry, I'm only packing 3 pairs of yoga pants and 3 shirts and a bathing suit so no more laundry either. I need this for my career," I said solemnly. "I also need $23,000 to buy it and living expenses."

"Well, good luck with that," he said.

"Thank you. Can I have $23,000?"

This morning I awoke to the sound of glass breaking and Mr. Ashley cursing at the cats.

"Can you get that?" I yelled from bed. "I have to go."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm running away, remember? I have to get started on that."

So far I have $23, so according to my math, I'm only three zeros away.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

You need to write a book full of all of these stories you share about on your blog. You have a real talent for writing and you are so funny.