All of my Christmas-crazy neighbors suddenly have golf carts.
No, we don't live in a golf course community. These freaks went out and rented golf carts for the month so they can drive around and look at each other's lights.
And I don't mean a handful of people--I mean that I can easily count 15 golf carts on my 1 mile drive home and that's without side streets. Some people have two carts, some people have the big extended shuttle-type ones, most have elaborately decorated them. All of the moms drive them up to the corner to pick up their walkers; the line of SUVs and minivans has been replaced by motorized carts of varying size and decor.
And I am so freaking jealous!! I called around and not only can I not get a golf cart (probably because my neighborhood has all of them) but they run between $400-$700 a month. Who does that??
Neighborhood Mom's is purple and is all decorated with glittery purple ribbon and ornaments. Big Kid rode home from school with her today and I'm pretty sure he loves her more than me now.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Animal Crossing: City Life
Do any of you have this game? Is one of your neighbors a duck named Joey? If so, we'd like to be your friend and visit each other's towns.
The boys got me this game for my birthday and we all became addicted. We built a little town, paid off our mortgages, sent each other mail and gifts daily, collected fossils and animals for the museum collection, became friends with our neighbors and customized our homes. The 4 of us played a little bit every single day for about 3 months.
And then little kid got bored and erased our entire town yesterday.
Big Kid was devastated; so genuinely, heart-breakingly sad. He is greatly mourning the loss of our neighbor Joey the duck, who is not in our new town. When I woke up this morning I found him at the computer writing an email to Nintendo begging them to help us get Joey back.
I think if you have a friend whose city you visit that your neighbors may move back and forth between each other's towns. This may be our only hope to see Joey again. I promise we will be good Animal Crossing friends to you, we won't mess up your town, and we will send you notes and gifts and invite you over to our place.
So if you play this game, will you email me at ashleyquitefrankly *at* g mail dot.com? We haven't gone on wi-fi with it before so I'll have to figure out our friend code or whatever, but I'll do it so Big Kid and Joey can be reunited.
And I'll send you lots of nice presents. I swear.
The boys got me this game for my birthday and we all became addicted. We built a little town, paid off our mortgages, sent each other mail and gifts daily, collected fossils and animals for the museum collection, became friends with our neighbors and customized our homes. The 4 of us played a little bit every single day for about 3 months.
And then little kid got bored and erased our entire town yesterday.
Big Kid was devastated; so genuinely, heart-breakingly sad. He is greatly mourning the loss of our neighbor Joey the duck, who is not in our new town. When I woke up this morning I found him at the computer writing an email to Nintendo begging them to help us get Joey back.
I think if you have a friend whose city you visit that your neighbors may move back and forth between each other's towns. This may be our only hope to see Joey again. I promise we will be good Animal Crossing friends to you, we won't mess up your town, and we will send you notes and gifts and invite you over to our place.
So if you play this game, will you email me at ashleyquitefrankly *at* g mail dot.com? We haven't gone on wi-fi with it before so I'll have to figure out our friend code or whatever, but I'll do it so Big Kid and Joey can be reunited.
And I'll send you lots of nice presents. I swear.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Lookers
The other day in the car Big Kid asked, "Mom, what's Lookers?"
Oh shit, I thought. Lookers is a strip club. How would he know about a strip club? The radio! He does listen to radio advertisements. I can tell he already knows something is up, what can I say, what can I say shit shit shit.
I tried to remember the commercial so I could give a reasonable explanation but all I could remember was "L Ohh Ohhhhhhhhh K E R Sssssssssssss, Lookers! Looohhhhkeeeerssss.
"Uh, I don't know...? What? Why? "
"Lookers. L Oh! Oh! K E R S What do they do there?"
"Yes. I'm not--er, it is a...well, I am not sure."
"Could you call them?"
"..."
"I was thinking they could help us find Tangerine. Since they maybe look for things, maybe they look for lost cats?"
"Uh...yeah." And I left it at that.
And then turned off the radio forever.
Oh shit, I thought. Lookers is a strip club. How would he know about a strip club? The radio! He does listen to radio advertisements. I can tell he already knows something is up, what can I say, what can I say shit shit shit.
I tried to remember the commercial so I could give a reasonable explanation but all I could remember was "L Ohh Ohhhhhhhhh K E R Sssssssssssss, Lookers! Looohhhhkeeeerssss.
"Uh, I don't know...? What? Why? "
"Lookers. L Oh! Oh! K E R S What do they do there?"
"Yes. I'm not--er, it is a...well, I am not sure."
"Could you call them?"
"..."
"I was thinking they could help us find Tangerine. Since they maybe look for things, maybe they look for lost cats?"
"Uh...yeah." And I left it at that.
And then turned off the radio forever.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Harold Hubert Piggybottom: Day 3
Well, this morning we discovered that Harold Hubert Piggybottom had rounded up every lady in the house and was slow dancing with Tinkerbelle. He also made the Happy Holidays blocks say Oh Happy Ladys!
The kids thought it was hysterical but I highly doubt Santa Claus sent Harold here to chat up the ladies all night long. Big Kid disagrees and says it's probably fine, but I think his love of anagrams is tainting his good judgment. I just don't know about this elf. He better back off of Tinkerbelle; she's mine.
He looks awfully happy here. The little perv.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Harold Hubert Piggybottom: Day 2
Good news! Today was a better day with Harold Hubert Piggybottom.
First thing this morning (and I mean first thing), I heard excited gasps and bare feet running toward my room.
"Mom! Moooooom! Harold's done something good! He's having a snowball fight with some of the other toys," Big Kid said.
"It's snowing outside?" I asked, wishing I hadn't stayed up so late.
"No! In the kitchen!" little kid replied.
"It's snowing in the kitchen?"
"No!" they both exclaimed.
"Are snowballs melting on my counter?"
"No, it's just marshmallows mom but you gotta come see. It's so cute!"
"That elf better not have attracted any ants!" Luckily, he had not. And he brought hot chocolate, on our coldest day of the year so far.
First thing this morning (and I mean first thing), I heard excited gasps and bare feet running toward my room.
"Mom! Moooooom! Harold's done something good! He's having a snowball fight with some of the other toys," Big Kid said.
"It's snowing outside?" I asked, wishing I hadn't stayed up so late.
"No! In the kitchen!" little kid replied.
"It's snowing in the kitchen?"
"No!" they both exclaimed.
"Are snowballs melting on my counter?"
"No, it's just marshmallows mom but you gotta come see. It's so cute!"
"That elf better not have attracted any ants!" Luckily, he had not. And he brought hot chocolate, on our coldest day of the year so far.
So Harold is back in Big Kid's good graces (for now).
My cat is also pretty grateful for the few marshmallows she was able to scrounge
Hopefully Harold can keep up the good work.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Harold Hubert Piggybottom
On Thanksgiving day, we came home and found the following letter on our door:
Dear Masters Big Kid and little kid:
The boys were very excited. There was much discussion about how the elf would behave, what hosting an elf would involve, how and when he would arrive, how careful they would be not to touch it, etc. I grumbled about getting a naughty elf assigned to us and swore I would send him back if he was more than I could handle. We looked for him first thing this morning but couldn't find an elf anywhere.
Tonight I realized we had forgotten to do the advent calendar so I told the boys to open the first door and Big Kid found 2 little toilets and a note inside. "Where's the chocolate I put in there?" I asked. "What are those and where did they come from? You two know I don't like potty humor! Did you eat the chocolate?"
Before he even read the note, Big Kid (who is normally very fond of potty humor) was furious. He knew That Elf had done this. "HOW DARE HE TAKE MY CHOCOLATE AND LEAVE A TOILET!! This is wrong! It's not right!!"
little kid was curious and amused.
The note read:
Big Kid stormed to the freezer and flung the door open, calming down only slightly when he saw that the elf had his chocolates in there.
"It's still not right that he taked our chocolates! I'm writin' a letter to Santa right now! I'm gonna put it in a envelope and stick a stamp on there and mail it to the North Pole. He needs to know!" He stomped to the office to get paper and a pen.
"Mama, can I make a pwesent for Ha-old? Usin' paper? 'Cuz I want him to like me. I like him," little kid asked. I said that he could.
Big Kid's letter said:
Seeing that this situation was quickly spiraling out of control, I sided with our creepy and inappropriate elf friend for a moment and pointed out that Harold probably thought the whole thing would be funny; that I didn't like potty humor and they did so maybe he was trying to get on their good sides. And after all, he hadn't taken the chocolate. I agreed that we needed to mention this on our elf satisfaction survey, so Harold can do better next year but I wasn't convinced that the ranting and raving was necessary just yet.
By this time, little kid had drawn an elf picture and shoved the paper into the Christmas tree and somehow smeared chocolate all over his tiny toilet, which he then happily licked off. This was one of the most revolting sights I've ever seen and his toilet now has bite marks in it.
At bed time Big Kid said, "Hey mom? I might like Harold. It's too soon to tell but maybe he's okay."
"Good. I think it could be fun." I answered.
"I'm still tellin' Santa about the toilet thing though."
I'm hoping tomorrow with Harold will go a little better.
Dear Masters Big Kid and little kid:
Salutations and season’s greetings to you, my friends! It is getting extra chilly and very busy up here in the North Pole and we are all working very hard to meet our Christmas Day deadline.
Due to changes in population and policy, I have had great difficulty monitoring behavior for 2010. Mrs. Claus came up with the wonderful idea of sending elves out to some families for the month of December; the elves could use a little vacation (and warm weather with you lucky Florida folks!) and I could certainly use the additional help.
You have been assigned a very special elf and I hope you are up to the challenge! Harold Hubert Piggybottom is a charming and mischievous fellow…and the mischief is the problem. Harold is on probation, if you will. After repeated incidents, the Head Elf has decided that Christmas preparations would run more smoothly without Harold “helping”, so he has been assigned to do behavior reporting. We are confident that he will not be a problem—but if he is, please don’t hesitate to contact me or Mrs. Claus and we will see about sending out a replacement elf. You will be receiving a Satisfaction Survey along with a summary of your behavior reports, please be kind and fill it out so we can help our elves improve! You may want to keep notes on your experiences in order to accurately complete the survey.
Harold Hubert Piggybottom will be arriving sometime on December 1, 2010. He has strict instructions to be on his best behavior and I hope you will be on your best behavior as well. I am eager to get some positive reports back and I know you are very good boys. I only ask that you NOT touch Harold. Harold Hubert Piggybottom’s magical spirit is inside of an elf-shaped doll and handling the elf will ruin his magic. If you do touch him, he will need to be returned to the North Pole for refurbishing. We do not have time to do elf refurbishing in the month of December, so if you touch Harold you may be without an elf for the rest of the holiday season and that would be unfortunate for everyone. Adults may touch Harold if absolutely necessary; they are mostly immune to magic and won’t tarnish Harold’s.
Thank you so much for hosting Harold Hubert Piggybottom in your home. I wish you a healthy, happy holiday season…and the best of luck in dealing with Harold.Ho Ho Ho,Santa Claus
The boys were very excited. There was much discussion about how the elf would behave, what hosting an elf would involve, how and when he would arrive, how careful they would be not to touch it, etc. I grumbled about getting a naughty elf assigned to us and swore I would send him back if he was more than I could handle. We looked for him first thing this morning but couldn't find an elf anywhere.
Tonight I realized we had forgotten to do the advent calendar so I told the boys to open the first door and Big Kid found 2 little toilets and a note inside. "Where's the chocolate I put in there?" I asked. "What are those and where did they come from? You two know I don't like potty humor! Did you eat the chocolate?"
Before he even read the note, Big Kid (who is normally very fond of potty humor) was furious. He knew That Elf had done this. "HOW DARE HE TAKE MY CHOCOLATE AND LEAVE A TOILET!! This is wrong! It's not right!!"
little kid was curious and amused.
The note read:
I am here. But where?Ready to meet you, with heart and soulHanging out somewhere sort of like the North Pole
Fondly,Harold Hubert Piggybottom
Big Kid stormed to the freezer and flung the door open, calming down only slightly when he saw that the elf had his chocolates in there.
"It's still not right that he taked our chocolates! I'm writin' a letter to Santa right now! I'm gonna put it in a envelope and stick a stamp on there and mail it to the North Pole. He needs to know!" He stomped to the office to get paper and a pen.
"Mama, can I make a pwesent for Ha-old? Usin' paper? 'Cuz I want him to like me. I like him," little kid asked. I said that he could.
Big Kid's letter said:
Dear Santa,
Hubert Harold Piggybottom swapped our chocolates in our treat count down with stupid rubber toilets. You better give us a better elf next year!
Sincerely,
Mad Big Kid
P.S. I do not care if Piggybottom feels bad about it.
Seeing that this situation was quickly spiraling out of control, I sided with our creepy and inappropriate elf friend for a moment and pointed out that Harold probably thought the whole thing would be funny; that I didn't like potty humor and they did so maybe he was trying to get on their good sides. And after all, he hadn't taken the chocolate. I agreed that we needed to mention this on our elf satisfaction survey, so Harold can do better next year but I wasn't convinced that the ranting and raving was necessary just yet.
By this time, little kid had drawn an elf picture and shoved the paper into the Christmas tree and somehow smeared chocolate all over his tiny toilet, which he then happily licked off. This was one of the most revolting sights I've ever seen and his toilet now has bite marks in it.
At bed time Big Kid said, "Hey mom? I might like Harold. It's too soon to tell but maybe he's okay."
"Good. I think it could be fun." I answered.
"I'm still tellin' Santa about the toilet thing though."
I'm hoping tomorrow with Harold will go a little better.
(But Big Kid will probably never forgive him for the toilet trick.)
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