Christmas Donkey

Here is my Christmas donkey: 

Yes, seriously. He was way cuter than the Baby Jesus or any of the supporting cast. He was also amazingly well behaved and didn't do the donkey dance he invented to combat the boredom he felt when other people sang. I personally thought the donkey dance was funny and was hoping to see it but he did the right thing and that's what counts. I guess.

Here he is with his manager/security guy, who was pretty darn proud and who presented him with a donkey Webkinz. 

The show was total uncontrolled chaos, by the way, and the pastor managed to convince me that I'm doing the right thing by not going to church each Sunday.

2nd Grade Love

Big Kid and Mr. Ashley were in the other room when I heard, "Dad? A girl in my class fell in love with me 'cuz I was wearing a black and white shirt. Is that possible?"

"Anything's possible with girls!" Mr. Ashley answered, "That sounds about right."

"Who fell in love with you?" I shouted from the  bedroom.

He appeared in my door way. "Ava. She just really likes black and white shirts, I guess."

"And what do you think about that?" I asked, inwardly cringing because Ava is NOT future daughter-in-law material. She is one of the few who doesn't give a crap about her time tests and is really not Big Kid's type.

He took a moment to ponder that. "I think it's...strange? To love someone for their shirt? And now do I keep wearin' that shirt or stop wearin' that shirt? I just don't know."

"Well, you do look really good in that shirt."

"Yeah...I don't understand how girls fall in love though."

And you never will, I wanted to answer.

But I'll let him discover that mystery for himself.

Harold Hubert Piggybottom Days 13-19

So, Harold Hubert Piggybottom is still with us. We're getting down to the last week of his visit and there is some major anxiety about his departure. I have made sure the kids know that if we're excessively sad about him leaving, we may not be chosen to host an elf next year--so we better not be crying on Christmas morning about the elf going home. (I didn't predict this being a problem...but now I know.)

Anyway, Harold has:

Brushed his teeth in their bathroom. 

Gone horseback riding.

Stuffed himself into the Christmas village bridge to watch the snowman. 

Climbed our globe to see the North Pole. 

Had some cookies and milk. 

(Big Kid was a little irked that he had helped himself to cookies but I thought we should let it go since he is our guest and we don't ever feed him.)

Hung from the kitchen lights. 

(Hey, he can't come up with some creative tableau each and every night of the holiday season, sometimes hanging around is enough.)

And this morning he brought us a Peanuts nativity. We were all pretty excited about this because we love Charlie Brown.

In other Christmas related news, a friend drove through our community to see the lights and said neighbors of mine were dressed as elves in their front yard, with their elf children dancing around a fire. The traffic is completely insane right now and it sounds like a block party every single night with shouted Merry Christmases and caroling.

I told you these people were really crazy about Christmas!

Harold Hubert Piggybottom: Days 4-12

I'm sorry I fell off the wagon in reporting Harold Hubert Piggybottom the Christmas elf's shenanigans. He's been quite busy; in fact, I think he's starting to look a little bit tired. I bet next year the Christmas elves get dispatched much closer to Christmas--it's a long time to be away from home and so active.

So to get us caught up, Harold:

Decorated a miniature Christmas tree! Big Kid was not impressed that Tinkerbell was present and predicted that Harold was always going to be doing things with dumb ol' Tinkerbell from now on and thought that would be gross and boring. Luckily, Harold proved him wrong and stopped the womanizing.

 Played army men! We were particularly impressed that he was wearing GI Joe's camo pants and helmet. GI Joe wasn't looking so happy about it though and is probably still naked.

 Hung from the ceiling fan! That night Big Kid called me in excitedly to point out that with the light on, the shadow Harold made looked exactly like a reindeer. I was doubtful--but then I could totally see what he was talking about! Real live Christmas magic there.

 Went fishing! little kid loved this one, especially since Harold used a real sharp hook. It was a safety pin but I guess the danger factor was impressive to little kid. He was also thrilled to see that he had caught one.

Brought chocolates! And made a mess out of wrapping paper. Harold does not magically clean up the messes that he magically makes, which is pretty annoying of him.

 

Made snow angels! Out of flour. The same day I vacuumed. little kid had just been talking about snow angels earlier that day though and was impressed that Harold was listening. 

 Joined us for breakfast! Harold brought his own little bowl of cereal and milk and toast. He also had a teensy black fly in his spoon.

 Read How the Grinch Stole Christmas! Later that night Big Kid carefully slid it from underneath Harold's hands to read it to little kid.

 So, things were going pretty well with Harold until yesterday when they found him hanging on the advent calendar. Everyone was pretty unimpressed with his creativity for that morning...until Big Kid opened the #12 drawer and found mini toilet plungers, toilet paper rolls and pieces of fake poo!! Isn't that horrible?!? What kind of elf is this? Big Kid wanted to hang him on the dart board and throw darts at him but I think we need to report it to Santa. What if he pulls this kind of behavior in the house of a toddler? little kid thinks it's funny and hopes we can get Harold back next year.

 Big Kid and I aren't so sure.

Missing Jesus

Last night I realized that my nativity scene was missing. A further search indicated that some Disney snowglobes I used to collect were also nowhere and I realized that these things must have been left in the attic of the last house we rented (and yes, I had reminded someone to check the attic before we left) which has since been sold.

It made me really sad. I feel like I've lost so much in the last two years between losing a career, steady income, perfect credit, the house we built and the awesome job that I thought was going to be my saving grace. My confidence and self-esteem has really taken a hit after sending out months and months of professionally written, customized-for-each-job resumes and getting no response. I can't even get an interview for a waitressing job. It seems like I'm not in control of anything anymore, so losing things that were incredibly special to me and that I was seemingly in control of was just the straw that broke this sad camel's back.

And I cried. I haven't cried over anything in a long time but I did cry over my lost nativity.

"What'sa matter, my mama?" A concerned little kid asked, peering into my eyes.

"I'm just sad because I lost my nativity scene--you know, with the baby Jesus and his parents? I'll be okay."

He quietly evaluated me and this statement before running off to get his brother. They both re-entered the room.

"What's wrong?" Big Kid asked little kid, both standing solemnly at the end of my bed as I tried to wipe and blink away tears.

"She lose-ed her baby Jesus. And her Mary!"

"Your baby Jesus is gone, mom? Want us to help you find him?"

"No, hon. It's okay. I'm sorry you guys are seeing me be sad."

"Just put a new baby Jesus on your Christmas list, mom." I nodded that this was a good idea, knowing that our family's first nativity couldn't be replaced and the Disney things I had collected 16 years ago and carefully packed back into their original boxes for each move were long gone.

"You's want me to buy you a new baby Jesus, my mumum? I will buys you that. So you be's happy."

"We will both get you baby Jesuses, mom! That way you'll always have an extra baby Jesus around!"

"My mumum, my sweet wittle love. Don't be sad about Jesus, 'kay? Awww, I so sorry you losted your baby Jesus. So sorry!"

"Mom, I don't know how...but I'm going to collect as many baby Jesuses as I can find and give them to you. Okay? You'll have so many baby Jesuses! All different types! And Marys too, if you want."

Their sweetness made me want to cry even more because I'm so lucky to have them.

But I knew I had to stop crying before I ended up with 10,000 baby Jesuses.

Eaten

Getting little kid to eat lunch is a struggle every single day.

Nine times out of ten, I make him a sandwich and he picks at it, nibbles at it, lets the cheese slide off, allows a piece of bread to fall onto the floor and then crumbles the rest into a ball so I won't notice that he hasn't eaten it. (I do notice, I'm actually much smarter than he thinks.)

Yesterday I was sick of this so I made him two chicken strips (his favorite and a reasonable quantity) and stood there and watched him eat them. At the 45 minute mark of obnoxious little bites with lots of lip smacking and face making, I told him I had had it and to eat the meal. At about 50 minutes and late for school, I lost it:

"YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THAT CHICKEN! Do you understand? I'm not playing this game with you every day. I make you a nice lunch and you are going to eat it! Two chicken strips!! That's it and you can't get that done! I HAVE HAD IT!! Do you hear me?? When I make you lunch, you WILL eat that lunch! All of it! Without me standing here and feeding you like a baby!!!! It's YOUR body that needs to grow healthy and strong and if YOU don't eat then YOU will have to deal with being puny forever!! Don't you want to be big and strong? Don't you want me to be HAPPY?!? YOU WILL EAT THIS CHICKEN!! YOU WILL EAT IT!! Do you understand me? I AM DONE WITH THIS! EAT THE CHICKEN!! DO. YOU. HEAR. ME?" 

He looked nonplussed. There was a quiet pause as we stared at each other.

"Yeah, I hear you. You are bein' very aggwessive and a little bit mean. Very aggwessive of you. I don't like your attitude."

But he did eat the chicken strips.