Last night I realized that my nativity scene was missing. A further search indicated that some Disney snowglobes I used to collect were also nowhere and I realized that these things must have been left in the attic of the last house we rented (and yes, I had reminded someone to check the attic before we left) which has since been sold.
It made me really sad. I feel like I've lost so much in the last two years between losing a career, steady income, perfect credit, the house we built and the awesome job that I thought was going to be my saving grace. My confidence and self-esteem has really taken a hit after sending out months and months of professionally written, customized-for-each-job resumes and getting no response. I can't even get an interview for a waitressing job. It seems like I'm not in control of anything anymore, so losing things that were incredibly special to me and that I was seemingly in control of was just the straw that broke this sad camel's back.
And I cried. I haven't cried over anything in a long time but I did cry over my lost nativity.
"What'sa matter, my mama?" A concerned little kid asked, peering into my eyes.
"I'm just sad because I lost my nativity scene--you know, with the baby Jesus and his parents? I'll be okay."
He quietly evaluated me and this statement before running off to get his brother. They both re-entered the room.
"What's wrong?" Big Kid asked little kid, both standing solemnly at the end of my bed as I tried to wipe and blink away tears.
"She lose-ed her baby Jesus. And her Mary!"
"Your baby Jesus is gone, mom? Want us to help you find him?"
"No, hon. It's okay. I'm sorry you guys are seeing me be sad."
"Just put a new baby Jesus on your Christmas list, mom." I nodded that this was a good idea, knowing that our family's first nativity couldn't be replaced and the Disney things I had collected 16 years ago and carefully packed back into their original boxes for each move were long gone.
"You's want me to buy you a new baby Jesus, my mumum? I will buys you that. So you be's happy."
"We will both get you baby Jesuses, mom! That way you'll always have an extra baby Jesus around!"
"My mumum, my sweet wittle love. Don't be sad about Jesus, 'kay? Awww, I so sorry you losted your baby Jesus. So sorry!"
"Mom, I don't know how...but I'm going to collect as many baby Jesuses as I can find and give them to you. Okay? You'll have so many baby Jesuses! All different types! And Marys too, if you want."
Their sweetness made me want to cry even more because I'm so lucky to have them.
But I knew I had to stop crying before I ended up with 10,000 baby Jesuses.