So, for me, the first day has gone well.
I didn't cry.
Some salty water kind of spilled out onto my cheeks as I left Big Kid's school, but I'm not even counting that.
I watched South Park and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I caught up on a ton of work. I ate stuff without sharing. I cleaned the house as I chatted with a friend on the phone for an hour. I did some more work. I've sat in complete silence.
It has been quite nice!
But now I'm done and I'm ready for everyone to come home and tell me about their day. I want that far more than I want the additional hour to myself. I miss them already.
Monday, August 18, 2014
Another First
Today was it.
The big day.
The first day.
little kid was fine. He always is. He was a little nervous and sad to see summer end, but he got on the bus without a hitch and headed for 3rd grade:
Then it was Big Kid's turn. His first day of middle school. It had been a frantic weekend of finding the rest of the school supplies, picking first day outfits and practicing on a substitute combination lock, and now the big day was here.
We have always started school days by snuggling in my bed and he was sad to wake up and realize that with little kid already gone for the day, that routine may have to change. I offered to get back into bed and we did. It was nice and I found myself relieved that the tradition continues with both boys.
"Mom?" he said softly as I rubbed his back.
"Yes?"
"Thanks for getting this for me."
"Getting what?"
"Middle school. You know, highlighting my map and practicing my lock with me and making sure I know what I'm doing."
HOW IS THIS KID SO AMAZING? No, really, how? I don't think I can take credit. I assured him that stuff was included in my job description and that I loved doing it for him.
As we drove into the car rider line loop, he said, "I'm scared. I'm really scared."
Me too.
But instead I said, "You know something I heard in yoga that stuck with me? Fear and excitement have the exact same physical symptoms! They make you feel the same way, but your brain is just more accepting of excitement. So now when I feel scared, I try to decide if I'm in danger or not, and if I'm not, I try to look at it as excitement."
He considered that quietly while we waited.
As we pulled up to the last curve, he said, "I'm excited, mom."
"I'm excited for you."
And I am. In every sense of the word.
The big day.
The first day.
little kid was fine. He always is. He was a little nervous and sad to see summer end, but he got on the bus without a hitch and headed for 3rd grade:
Then it was Big Kid's turn. His first day of middle school. It had been a frantic weekend of finding the rest of the school supplies, picking first day outfits and practicing on a substitute combination lock, and now the big day was here.
We have always started school days by snuggling in my bed and he was sad to wake up and realize that with little kid already gone for the day, that routine may have to change. I offered to get back into bed and we did. It was nice and I found myself relieved that the tradition continues with both boys.
"Mom?" he said softly as I rubbed his back.
"Yes?"
"Thanks for getting this for me."
"Getting what?"
"Middle school. You know, highlighting my map and practicing my lock with me and making sure I know what I'm doing."
HOW IS THIS KID SO AMAZING? No, really, how? I don't think I can take credit. I assured him that stuff was included in my job description and that I loved doing it for him.
As we drove into the car rider line loop, he said, "I'm scared. I'm really scared."
Me too.
But instead I said, "You know something I heard in yoga that stuck with me? Fear and excitement have the exact same physical symptoms! They make you feel the same way, but your brain is just more accepting of excitement. So now when I feel scared, I try to decide if I'm in danger or not, and if I'm not, I try to look at it as excitement."
He considered that quietly while we waited.
As we pulled up to the last curve, he said, "I'm excited, mom."
"I'm excited for you."
And I am. In every sense of the word.
Good luck in 6th grade, my love, and you're welcome...for everything forever.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Friday, August 15, 2014
Stuck in the Middle School Fears
My two fears for Big Kid starting middle school, in order of importance:
1.) Lockers: the combination, the logistics, the timing...it's not promising. We tried the combination lock at least a dozen times and I think he got it once. It's not the numbers that are the problem, it's the spinning. The spinning. Not even what direction to spin how many times...the physical act of spinning seems to be the major complication. We're going to practice on a spare lock.
2.) Polo shirts: collared shirts are truly a confusing situation for this child. He often gets them inside out and occasionally argues with me about whether or not they are inside out. And I know. I know they are inside out. I'm really good at collared shirts. I have no idea what's going on when he starts talking about Einstein's theories of relativity but I do know collared shirts. His uniform consists of collared shirts. Last year's did too but they had the school logo on them, which immediately ended inside out arguments. Can we do it with a blank shirt? I don't know. (And I know you're thinking "But what about the tag?" I know you're thinking that because I think it too. Every single time. The tag is not a clear indicator for Big Kid.)
Surprising fears, right?
He's brilliant, attractive, kind and funny. He will find his people. I don't know what kind of people that will be, but I don't care, they're not my people. As long as they're nice, we're good. I'm saying all of this because I have a feeling they might be nerds because we visited an arcade in Miami and he mentioned that he felt like he found his people. I felt like I found central casting's nerd waiting room but that's okay. Great, actually. I hope he finds his people everywhere he goes, I love his people.
But looks and charm aren't going to open a locker. Friends might but if he does find his people, they might not be good at locks either.
Are rolling backpacks allowed?
Despite orientation being a total shit show in my opinion (chaotic, bizarre building layout, classes spread all over, locker failure), he left saying he feels "accomplished and confident."
Accomplished and confident makes my heart sing!
We've got this! Maybe not the lockers or the collared shirts but the rest of it, we've got it.
Maybe.
Probably.
I hope.
1.) Lockers: the combination, the logistics, the timing...it's not promising. We tried the combination lock at least a dozen times and I think he got it once. It's not the numbers that are the problem, it's the spinning. The spinning. Not even what direction to spin how many times...the physical act of spinning seems to be the major complication. We're going to practice on a spare lock.
2.) Polo shirts: collared shirts are truly a confusing situation for this child. He often gets them inside out and occasionally argues with me about whether or not they are inside out. And I know. I know they are inside out. I'm really good at collared shirts. I have no idea what's going on when he starts talking about Einstein's theories of relativity but I do know collared shirts. His uniform consists of collared shirts. Last year's did too but they had the school logo on them, which immediately ended inside out arguments. Can we do it with a blank shirt? I don't know. (And I know you're thinking "But what about the tag?" I know you're thinking that because I think it too. Every single time. The tag is not a clear indicator for Big Kid.)
Surprising fears, right?
He's brilliant, attractive, kind and funny. He will find his people. I don't know what kind of people that will be, but I don't care, they're not my people. As long as they're nice, we're good. I'm saying all of this because I have a feeling they might be nerds because we visited an arcade in Miami and he mentioned that he felt like he found his people. I felt like I found central casting's nerd waiting room but that's okay. Great, actually. I hope he finds his people everywhere he goes, I love his people.
But looks and charm aren't going to open a locker. Friends might but if he does find his people, they might not be good at locks either.
Are rolling backpacks allowed?
 |
| What's inside? We will never know. |
Accomplished and confident makes my heart sing!
We've got this! Maybe not the lockers or the collared shirts but the rest of it, we've got it.
Maybe.
Probably.
I hope.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
The Nice Cream Man
"I wonder where the ice cream man is? I don't know that I've seen him all summer!" I said, missing ice cream delivery, even though I used to resent his dependability because it would signal the beginning of frantic negotiating from the kids.
"Good point. Where is that guy? No ice cream man would take the summer off, we must have lost him." Big Kid replied.
"I bet it was a code enforcement thing. Bummer."
In my city, it's always a code enforcement thing.
"He's reading to kids this summer." little kid answered from across the room, barely looking up from what he was doing.
"He's reading to kids?"
"In another country. As, like, a nice thing. He's a nice guy."
"How do you know these things? From buying ice cream?"
"Yeah. We talk."
I didn't really even think to move beyond the transactional portion of the relationship. Now I'm super curious to get to know our ice cream man who sounds far more interesting than I previously imagined.
I also really would like someone to bring me some ice cream again.
"Good point. Where is that guy? No ice cream man would take the summer off, we must have lost him." Big Kid replied.
"I bet it was a code enforcement thing. Bummer."
In my city, it's always a code enforcement thing.
"He's reading to kids this summer." little kid answered from across the room, barely looking up from what he was doing.
"He's reading to kids?"
"In another country. As, like, a nice thing. He's a nice guy."
"How do you know these things? From buying ice cream?"
"Yeah. We talk."
I didn't really even think to move beyond the transactional portion of the relationship. Now I'm super curious to get to know our ice cream man who sounds far more interesting than I previously imagined.
I also really would like someone to bring me some ice cream again.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
When Life Gives You Lemons...
"Look at that lemon, just sitting over there alone in all of that grass," little kid said as we approached the community pool and did, oddly enough, spot one lone lemon in an empty field.
That boy is a finder; the universe brings him lots of things because he is always searching.
"That's pretty weird," I said, not giving it a moment's thought.
"I wonder how it got there?" He continued. "All by itself, it's kind of sad."
"I don't know."
My guess is that someone threw it there but I didn't want to go into the how or who or why of it all so I continued not thinking about it.
"Maybe one day it will grow up to be a lemon tree!" He said. "I bet it's been waiting all this time to prove that it can be more than just a lemon."
...it's been waiting all this time to prove that it can be more than just a lemon.Wow. Maybe we're all just waiting to prove that we can be more than just lemons.
He is a constant lesson that it's worth keeping your eyes and heart and mind open out in the world.
That boy is a finder; the universe brings him lots of things because he is always searching.
"That's pretty weird," I said, not giving it a moment's thought.
"I wonder how it got there?" He continued. "All by itself, it's kind of sad."
"I don't know."
My guess is that someone threw it there but I didn't want to go into the how or who or why of it all so I continued not thinking about it.
"Maybe one day it will grow up to be a lemon tree!" He said. "I bet it's been waiting all this time to prove that it can be more than just a lemon."
...it's been waiting all this time to prove that it can be more than just a lemon.Wow. Maybe we're all just waiting to prove that we can be more than just lemons.
He is a constant lesson that it's worth keeping your eyes and heart and mind open out in the world.
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