I woke up this morning to a terrible ruckus in our kitchen. I knew everyone else was sleeping and it sounded like things were being banged around and moved. Having just fallen asleep after watching the first four episodes of American Horror Story, I decided that most likely someone was dismembering babies on our kitchen table so I did what any sane person would do and ran right out there (naked, I might add).
It turns out my hedgehog, who has been free-ranging on the back porch but had to come in last night because of the cold, was wearing a tiny plastic cup on his head and was burrowing through his shavings and running into the sides of his bin. This would have been hilarious had I not been cold, naked, scared and tired, standing exposed in our open living area, hoping no scary baby-dismemberers were lurking in the shadows waiting to claw my face off. I thought I would rescue Reggie by removing the cup from his face, but he flipped it back over and put it right back on, obviously using it as a helmet. I took the cup away so I could go back to sleep and he proceeded to turn his food and water bowls over in protest.
Happy to be back in the warmth of my bed, I tried to fall back asleep but the country club next door started its daily, 6:00 am-ish, county noise ordinance-breaking, morning landscaping and I laid there freezing and resenting their humming and buzzing and Reggie's food bowl rearranging.
Then I started coughing and couldn't stop, followed by throwing up from said coughing, followed up with the worst Dunkin Donuts coffee I've ever had (it may have been poisonous) and now my laptop cord has completely stopped working and I'm using the dregs of my battery to entertain myself while stuck in bed sick.
I think getting my face clawed off at the break of dawn by a baby-dismemberer would have been a quicker and possibly even less painful start to my Saturday.