Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Facts of Life

The kids' dentist is in the same building as the OB/GYN that delivered both boys, so as we were pulling up the other day I remarked that I used to go there all of the time to see the baby doctor.

"The pediatrician?" Big Kid asked.

"No, the doctor that took care of me when I was pregnant with both of you, and who caught both of you when you were born!"

"Caught us?? Why would she catch us?" He asked with genuine confusion in his voice.

"As you were coming out. You know, so you wouldn't hit the floor."

"Wait, what? Did they have you upside down on the table or something? I don't see how the baby could fall, they lift it from the stomach, right? Don't they do it carefully?"

"Oh. You didn't come out that way," I clarified, realizing we had never gone down this particular conversational path.

He gasped. "Mom. Don't tell me. It's not what I think, right? Tell me I didn't come out of your....." he shuddered, "your penis," he hissed at the end.

I laughed. "No." He looked visibly relieved. "From my vagina. Girls don't have penises, remember?"

He winced and looked at me in horror. "Oh. My. God. I can't believe...I can't believe they did that to you."


"Well, that's it. I'm never havin' a baby. I never want my wife doin' that. How can I ever think of birth ever again now? Oh God."

I laughed some more. "You'll still want babies. It's a natural thing, a miracle really."

"I really can't believe that happened to me."

"Yeah...try being me."

"It's just disgusting. I think I'll go to the bathroom right then when it's bein' born, or something." He shuddered again, obviously viscerally affected by this new information.

Then he got to go get his teeth cleaned. Not a great day for the poor kid.


Sasha said...

P and WC still think babies are lifted out of our stomachs... I just can't get to the point of explaining it better yet. Kudos to you!

Miranda said...

Poor Big Kid. My oldest daughter (7) is never having babies for that reason. Both of my girls were c-sections (breech babies), and the day the big one found out about the "other way", she was horrified. She said - What the heck, Mom!!

Jennifer said...

But maybe that image will keep him away from vaginas for a little bit longer than it otherwise would.

Kate said...

the poor guy! ugh, imagine how it would feel if someone totally ripped away all your pre conception of something and gave you the cold hard truth. its rough being a kid sometimes.

Liz said...

AHAHAH - that's awesome! I'm dreading when Ben starts asking about that, although he was "lifted out carefully". But still...

I love the way you tell stories! Ever since the Babycenter days.

Charity said...

Flippin' hilarious! That kid KILLS it every time! My favorite part... "Twice", a question parents ask themselves all the time.

Jennifer said...

Ha! Your big kid sounds a lot like my big kid!

Renee said...

Awww, poor guy. I like how he said he can't believe that happened to HIM. LOL!!

-The Renee

Claire said...

That is awesome! My DS (5.5) was horrified as well when he saw a scene on TV where there was a Dr. in between a woman's legs, she was panting pushing. He couldn't stop shuddering. He also hissed it at me, "MOM! Did that baby just come from that woman's vagina??" "Yes, it did, but don't go around asking women who are pregnant if they are going to have babies out of their vaginas, ok?" He said, "Geez Mom, I wouldn't ever do that!"
Haha kids are so funny.

mom said...

if I don't see more updates, I will have to call more often.