The kids' dentist is in the same building as the OB/GYN that delivered both boys, so as we were pulling up the other day I remarked that I used to go there all of the time to see the baby doctor.
"The pediatrician?" Big Kid asked.
"No, the doctor that took care of me when I was pregnant with both of you, and who caught both of you when you were born!"
"Caught us?? Why would she catch us?" He asked with genuine confusion in his voice.
"As you were coming out. You know, so you wouldn't hit the floor."
"Wait, what? Did they have you upside down on the table or something? I don't see how the baby could fall, they lift it from the stomach, right? Don't they do it carefully?"
"Oh. You didn't come out that way," I clarified, realizing we had never gone down this particular conversational path.
He gasped. "Mom. Don't tell me. It's not what I think, right? Tell me I didn't come out of your....." he shuddered, "your penis," he hissed at the end.
I laughed. "No." He looked visibly relieved. "From my vagina. Girls don't have penises, remember?"
He winced and looked at me in horror. "Oh. My. God. I can't believe...I can't believe they did that to you."
"Well, that's it. I'm never havin' a baby. I never want my wife doin' that. How can I ever think of birth ever again now? Oh God."
I laughed some more. "You'll still want babies. It's a natural thing, a miracle really."
"I really can't believe that happened to me."
"Yeah...try being me."
"It's just disgusting. I think I'll go to the bathroom right then when it's bein' born, or something." He shuddered again, obviously viscerally affected by this new information.
Then he got to go get his teeth cleaned. Not a great day for the poor kid.