Lean In

I had the longest day today. I had to be at the studio to train someone. Then I had to be at a lunch meeting for (gasp!) a new social media marketing job. Then I had to coach that Odyssey of the Mind Team. Then I had to go back to work at the studio because we had a visiting teacher who is a big deal, and we needed help checking people into the class.

It was exhausting and chaotic. One of my friends from teacher training asked if I was going to take the visiting teacher's class and I said I was so freaking tired that I truly didn't think I could. She said it would be good for me. I wanted to point out that 90 minutes of hot power yoga on an empty stomach in an exhausted, dehydrated person might really not be a good idea but instead I said I would lie down the entire time if I wanted to and no one better say anything and she agreed that would work. She gets me.

But once I was on my mat, I gave it my all. Our teacher was Sid McNairy who looks more like a football player than a yoga teacher and he filled the room, both physically and with his presence. It was so nice to just get lost in the sweaty, real, grounded, physical practice. Sure, my vision got a bit wavy at one point and I checked the thermostat and its clock a few times (I shouldn't be allowed to practice in that corner of the room. It got up to 96 degrees if you're curious) but I kept going. Until sweat was running into my eyes and blinding me and every bit of me was trembling.

We got into half pigeon near the end, which is a hip opening pose with one shin parallel to the front of the mat, and the other straight out behind, folding forward over the front knee and breathing into the comfortable discomfort, as they like to call it. He wandered over to the ipod to turn it on and then this gigantic, powerful man began to softly sing "Lean on Me" and invited us to join him. Slowly and softly at first, probably feeling a little unsure about singing during yoga class, people joined in. Not long after, I think most of the 66 students were singing along.

It was so lovely. Probably like church if church were full of sweaty, half naked, trembling people who take the lord's name in vain during chair pose (fucking chair pose).

Church should totally be more like that, by the way.

Anyway, as I sat there with my forehead resting on my arms, I was overcome with emotion. I thought of the friends on either side of me, and those that I've made through yoga, and my "real life" friends, and my family, and I also thought a lot about you guys. About how many people I have to lean on. Shit. If that's not lucky, what is? What more can you really even ask for? I've spent so long feeling alone and not only am I NOT alone, I never was alone. I just didn't realize what was available.

I saw a friend today and she asked how I was and I told her I needed a hug. Not because she would expect a hug or I felt like I had to give a hug...because I needed a hug. And it felt really good, to literally lean on someone for a moment.

I have people to lean on. I need them.

Thank you for being so giving of yourselves through your comments and even just your presence.

Thank you for letting me lean on you.