Guys, I don't want to be a yoga teacher. If I tell you that I do, I'm lying. I just want people to like yoga like I do, so just save me some steps and go ahead and like it.
SELF, THIS IS IMPORTANT. YOU MEAN IT THIS TIME.
I don't have to be a yoga teacher. Anyways, aren't I officially a yoga teacher once I get the certification? I mean, technically, I will be able to check that off the list pretty soon here and return to the safety and comfort of my couch.
So, that's how my last yoga teacher training weekend is going so far.
Despite knowing my stuff (and I thought being pretty good at it) I pretty much bombed in our group practice teach. I feel like the teachers helped coordinate the bombing by being extremely vocal and heavy handed and lengthy in their on-the-spot coaching of me. It went on for like 400 years, no exaggeration. (Okay, maybe a little.) I felt small and confused as to what exactly they were looking for, but pretty clear that it was nothing I innately possessed. I was really annoyed to be singled out. Then I was embarrassed. And maybe my chin trembled and maybe, just maybe, I dropped some hot, quiet tears in down dog when I returned to my mat. I was really upset by the time I got home.
And after some processing, I know they were looking for personality and connection. They said I lack authenticity. One pointed out that my writing is excellent and I shine on paper, probably trying to prove that I'm very capable of this, but at the time it made me feel like maybe that's my thing to shine at, and maybe you only get one thing.
After even more processing, I think they were holding me to a higher standard because they see potential in me and thought I "needed" it, or something. They are wise women and do appear to be invested in my success and involvement with the studio. But if I didn't already work at the studio in a job that I love, I would've pushed someone out of tree pose and walked out the door.
It was that good.
I don't know. I don't think whatever they were trying to do worked. I am certainly not "unmessable."
So just do me a favor and like yoga. I will be a yoga teacher (on paper) soon and if I inspired you to like it, that would complete this goal.