Saturday, February 8, 2014

Miss Personality

Guys, I don't want to be a yoga teacher. If I tell you that I do, I'm lying. I just want people to like yoga like I do, so just save me some steps and go ahead and like it.

SELF, THIS IS IMPORTANT. YOU MEAN IT THIS TIME.

I don't have to be a yoga teacher. Anyways, aren't I officially a yoga teacher once I get the certification? I mean, technically, I will be able to check that off the list pretty soon here and return to the safety and comfort of my couch.

So, that's how my last yoga teacher training weekend is going so far.

Despite knowing my stuff (and I thought being pretty good at it) I pretty much bombed in our group practice teach. I feel like the teachers helped coordinate the bombing by being extremely vocal and heavy handed and lengthy in their on-the-spot coaching of me. It went on for like 400 years, no exaggeration. (Okay, maybe a little.) I felt small and confused as to what exactly they were looking for, but pretty clear that it was nothing I innately possessed. I was really annoyed to be singled out. Then I was embarrassed. And maybe my chin trembled and maybe, just maybe, I dropped some hot, quiet tears in down dog when I returned to my mat. I was really upset by the time I got home.

And after some processing, I know they were looking for personality and connection. They said I lack authenticity. One pointed out that my writing is excellent and I shine on paper, probably trying to prove that I'm very capable of this, but at the time it made me feel like maybe that's my thing to shine at, and maybe you only get one thing.

After even more processing, I think they were holding me to a higher standard because they see potential in me and thought I "needed" it, or something. They are wise women and do appear to be invested in my success and involvement with the studio. But if I didn't already work at the studio in a job that I love, I would've pushed someone out of tree pose and walked out the door.

It was that good.

I don't know. I don't think whatever they were trying to do worked. I am certainly not "unmessable."

So just do me a favor and like yoga. I will be a yoga teacher (on paper) soon and if I inspired you to like it, that would complete this goal.

Right?

6 comments:

elaines630 said...

I do yoga from time to time, and never-no-way is it cool for someone to make you feel like that! There's a way to push and bring out the best in someone without making them feel bad! I think what you did by taking those classes and becoming certified is so awesome. It's something I don't think I would ever be brave enough to do. I relate a lot to the things you say on here, even if I don't comment much, but I just had to say something here! You are inspiring and you have reminded me how much yoga can make a difference in my life!

TH said...

You inspired me in a way...I looked into yoga for my kids! All 3 (ds 9yo, dd 10yo, dd 11yo) love it! Their teacher is wonderful and they come home from class relaxed, happy and content. They, of course, go back to typical sibling picking, fighting and insanity...but there's a good, solid 15 min of peace every Monday afternoon.

They do truly enjoy it...even my son who was very apprehensive at first. My 10yo dd...she is pretty sure yoga was created for her...she LOVES it! Her only regret is not starting sooner. My 11yo dd likes it, too...though she probably wouldn't admit if questioned.

Cassadie said...

Okay, I want to speak to a couple of things here, first of all, thanks for inspiring your readers to try yoga!

I am new to the practice- just started in November- and it's so hard not to scream from the rooftops about how amazing and life changing yoga is, but I am pretty sure my neighbors would start egging my house, so I try not to do that too much.

Secondly, I have successfully taught middle school for the past 9 years and what's even better is that I truly love it! What I didn't love was student teaching. I hated it. I cannot tell you how many tears I cried during that awful year. My supervisor was mean and belittled me to the point where I almost quit. But I landed a job and got my own classroom and once I was able to really truly teach, I found that I love it.

So, the yoga teacher training is not really what it will be like to teach yoga, yes? As much as I hated my student teaching, it really made me appreciate the freedom that came with having my own classroom. I bet teaching yoga will be the same way.

And, if nothing else, you'll have a lovely certificate to hang on your wall, right?

Wish I could take a class from you, but Oregon is a bit far :(

Mom Taxi Julie said...

ugh I hate people telling me I'm doing things wrong and such. I cry every time. ((hugs))

Jamie McGinnis said...

You have inspired me to get back into yoga! I researched all the studios around me and there is one super close to work at a convenient time. I am still getting over a stupid concussion (NOT yoga related) and having extra blood flow to my brain sounds nothing but terrible at this point, haha.

I will, however, call bullshit on people only getting to have "one thing." If that were the truth I wouldn't be forced to hate people that seem to be amazing at EVERYTHING!

Like Cassadie said above - maybe the student teacher environment isn't where you shine. My two cents is get your fancy certificate and teach a few classes to see how it goes.

I am a little curious how lk would defend your honor to these mean teachers :P

Ashley McCann said...

Your comments helped me survive Sunday, so thanks for your input, guys.

Cassadie, I agree--in my own classroom, when able to speak without being interrupted with constant input, I think I would rock it. I could be a good yoga teacher. Still not sure I want to but that doesn't mean I couldn't.

Thanks for liking yoga (and more importantly, me.)