Slow Learner

If this summer was a rap song, it would be called:

"Moooooooooom! The Dog Peed in The House Again!"

because that's how we roll.

I love Max. I really do. I don't even think it's possible not to love a face this cute. He completes our family.

We can never pee in the house? Really?

 (Because our family is full of stubborn assholes.)

However, friends, I would like to propose a new rule where we don't allow anyone who is going through a major life change,  including but not limited to: pregnancy, grieving, moving, job loss or haircut remorse, to make any other major life change, such as: any of the above and/or GETTING A NEW DOG.

You all know me better, you should have said, "Ashley!! You are looking to fill a hole that won't be filled with chewed up shoes and pee puddles on your floor."

And I would've been all, "You're not the boss of me! It will be different this time! I NEED a dog!!" but you would at least have had the satisfaction of being right.

I don't know if he's got that thing that Dory or that Memento guy had going on but he has absolutely zero concept that a rule would last longer than the one second we're discussing it. Not allowed on the bed? How about now? How about now? How about now? Now? How about if I sneak up from the side? No? Really? I'm not allowed on your bed? It's brand new information every single morning.

Potty training is going the same way. He thinks peeing near the cat box is probably okay but it's not. He also likes to mark his territory even though I've promised that no dog will ever (EVER EVER EVER, for the love of God, EVER) come through that door and challenge his only dog status. Ever. He will look me in the eye, with that sweet, sweet little face and pee right on my antique trunk and he will be genuinely shocked and confused when I object.

We try going out hourly, puppy pads, belly bands, praise, punishment, crate training and threats of abandonment every day and yet every single day, I thank the lord for my all tile house.

I look forward to work at the yoga studio today because there is no pee there. Forget the quiet and that sometimes we have cookies in the back room, there's a 99% chance I won't clean up any puddles of urine and that's really enough for me right now.

I'm now looking to fill another hole in my heart that involves not cleaning up pee, so I guess I've got that going for me.