The other day we were talking about how our dog, Max, was found roaming around an industrial area with two other dogs that were obviously younger than him and looked half like him. We often speculate on what his prior situation was and what his relationship is to the puppies. I think he's their dad, even though that seems like an odd dog set up--that the dad would end up with the babies and no mom in sight. I don't know, it's a mystery and will remain one. I am Facebook friends with the people who found him and they have the other two, is there dog DNA testing? Would Maury get involved here?
The kids aren't so sure that he's their dad, and think they're just a rag tag gang of shaggy street dogs.
"They don't even look like him," little kid said during the latest conversation.
"They look kind of like him. Like maybe he had babies with, like, some sort of little shitzu--"
Big Kid gasped and little kid burst out laughing.
"No! No! Shitzu is the name of an actual breed of dog. I'm not cursing!"
"It just sounded so bad," Big Kid said, beginning to laugh.
"Shitzu. Shitzu. Shitzu. It sounds awesome," little kid said. "Shitzu."
"Knock it off. Don't make me ban that word." I once had to temporarily ban the word 'potato.'
"You can't ban types of dogs. What if I see a shitzu?" This child has spent every day of his 7 years practicing his negotiating skills in some way.
"It's such a great word. Shitzu is the type of word people should write on the back of their cars."
"On the backs of their cars?"
"Yes, everyone should do it. Shitzu."
"Stop saying 'shitzu', for real."
"You have to ruin all jokes, little kid! God forbid this family have any
fun before you have to ruin it for EVERYBODY!" Big kid, always serious,
started. "The Swedish Fish joke is all we have left and she wouldn't
even let you talk about that for, like, a week or something!"
Rita's Italian Ice once texted me every day for weeks to tell me they had the Swedish Fish flavor that day. They have it everyday, apparently. All attempts to stop it were ignored and the boys liked to say, "We haaaaaaave Sweeeedish Fiiiiish tooooodaaaay!" in a really creepy voice every time my text message alarm would sound...several times a day, for un-Rita related texts, too. It was hilarious and almost as annoying as the text messages after a while.
"Shitzu is a BREED of a dog, it's not even a joke, it's a real thing!" little kid insisted. "Mom, what if I see a real shitzu? Tell him I can say it then."
"If you can actually find and identify a shitzu then I guess I'll let it slide in that context, but otherwise, no, you're not allowed to say that dog breed. You've already proven that you can't be trusted to use it responsibly."
"Oh, I'm going to find some, trust me."
So let's not be surprised when little kid grows up and gets a shitzu, complete with a matching "shitzu" bumper sticker.
Note from Ashley: It has since come to my attention that it is actually spelled "shih tzu"--who the hell knew? That actually would look better on the back of a car, he might be on to something here.