Symptoms

"I have a little bit of a sore throat," I announced to my husband today.

"Hmm."

"Did you know that Ebola is a thing again? What if I caught Ebola while we were in Miami? Miami seems like the type of place that I could catch Ebola."

"Ebola, Ashley? Are you serious?"

"I'm just saying. No one thinks they're going to get Ebola! Or Meningitis. What if it's Meningitis? I just read an article about how no one thinks they have Meningitis, and that's the whole problem."

"I'm sorry your throat hurts."

"I don't believe you. You're going to feel bad when I do have Meningitis."

A few hours later, I announced that my chest hurt in a weird way. "You know how I think my sternum pops?"

"Your sternum?"

"Yes, right here? In yoga? During back bends? It pops?" I reminded him.

"Yeah."

"It hurts in a weird way right now."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"You don't seem very sorry. What if I'm having a heart attack?"

He put his head in his hands and started to laugh until his eyes watered. "Oh, Ashley. I do love you. I don't know whether to laugh or cry but I love you. A heart attack?"

"Chest pain is one of the symptoms. Why are you laughing? You're going to feel terrible if I am having a heart attack!"

"I'll take my chances. I guess I'll just have to live with the fact that I'm a horrible person if you do die."

"No one thinks their wife is going to have a heart attack in five minutes."

"Especially not when she's smiling and speaking just fine."

"I'm just saying it hurts in a weird way."

"And I'm sorry about that."

"In a 'I might die' kind of way."

"You had Ebola earlier."

"Maybe it's related to that! Maybe it's another symptom!"

"Maybe you should go to bed early tonight."

I think he's just tired of me.

But I did quarantine myself in my room really early tonight, just in case.