Going Bananas

little kid and I are in a massive battle about bananas.

Whenever we get bananas, he wants to eat them all the first day. No one else wants him to do this. He just brought me banana #3 and I told him no way.

Two time outs and 40 minutes of hysterical crying later, I wish I had just given him the freaking banana. Now I can't let him have it just on principle and I hid the remaining bananas, futher infuriating him. I tried to negotiate that he could have a banana with lunch just so we could move on, but I think he plans on crying right up until lunch.

I banish him to his room and he inchworms out, crying and screaming about bananas all the way.

This is just insane.

FAIL

I just had to bury Henna.

:-(

I had to go be library mom and afterwards I ran to Publix and bought $40 worth of stuff to try to save her--Pedialyte, hard boiled eggs, baby vitamins, ointment, all kinds of stuff.

I got home and gave her some yolk mashed up with baby oatmeal, some water with Pedialyte and a drop of vitamins. I went back to the kitchen to rinse everything off, came back to the bathroom, and she wasn't breathing.

:-(

Man, it's sad. I made sure not to get too attached at first because she was so scrawny but she was doing so well yesterday. Most heartbreaking is that Chicka REALLY enjoyed her company and it looks like Chicka is going to be an only child, because the 4 eggs in the incubator aren't doing anything.

I feel like I've failed as a Mother Hen. Again.

Crossing the Bridge

Apache died last night.

This is so hard on my family, we've had him for 18 years. My poor mom feels not only the shock and sadness of this happening so suddenly, but guilt over not having the $6000-$8000 cash on hand so he could have surgery. I know that we all know that most people wouldn't have it, and most people couldn't do it, but guilt always finds a way to rear it's ugly head during times of sadness.

I'm once again filled with regret. Regret I didn't go see him more often, regret I didn't ride regularly, regret I didn't go over to say goodbye before he headed to the vet. Regret for the end of an era.

My family is horse-less for the first time in a long time. Since I was 7 or 8 maybe? We most likely won't have another horse, and will certainly never have another horse as wonderful to look at and easy to ride as Apache. I don't think anyone has ever fallen off or been thrown from Apache. He had no personality quirks that made anyone crazy. He was sweet to the other horses and great with kids, standing as still as stone as little kid brushed his legs and kissed his shoulders.

We sold him once and he moved to another state, only to have us track him down and get him back later. He's been a member of our family for a long time.

My grieving for Heidi Louise (who I still mourn every single day, all these months later) has convinced me that we will one day meet our pets again. That if I believe in Something after death, and Someone looking out for us and arranging all of those wonderful "coincidences" to remind us of that, and if I know without doubt that animals have as much of a soul as we do (if not more) and that we feel this emotional connection with them, that we will surely meet again. That before I get to the pearly gates, I'll cross the rainbow bridge and be reunited with the unconditional love of the animals who have blessed my life.

But man, is it hard to miss them. It's hard to come to the end of a chapter in your book of life.


Unfortunately, I don't have a photo of him on this computer but here is his home, my parents' barn. The other horses (that belong to friends) will grieve him, having spent almost their whole lives alongside of him. It's just sad. The whole thing is really sad.

Make It Stop

The water xylophone was a terrible idea. What kind of moron willingly MAKES a loud, off key musical instrument for her child to harrass her with????