I Promise

I'll update you all with photos later tonight. little kid wore the hat!! Yay for no hot glue burns! His costume also stayed mostly together.

By the way, people who give out Starlight mints to Trick or Treaters...don't waste my time on that shit. Seriously, it's not worth the walk up your driveway. Turn off your light and put the bowl away, if we wanted yucky mints we'd snatch some from a receptionist's bowl.

Otherwise, I've been busy testing the boys' candy for poison. It's a tough job, but I do it on a piece by piece basis and I actually put my own health at risk by eating it myself. So far, so good but there is a lot of candy left to be tested.

Well

Needle and thread do not appear to be friends of mine either (see previous entry about heat bond failure).

What was kind of cool is that I got down my grandma's old sewing box for supplies and it was neat to see all of her old buttons and spools of thread and to use needles that had been threaded by her (yes, I'm too lazy to even thread my own needle). The box still sort of smells like her too, so that was a nice memory, albeit far too mushy for here.

I *believe*, and the true test will be tonight, that hot glue may be my friend. Let's hope so because I glued that son-of-a-bitch up one side and down the other.

little kid is in a real mood today. I think I've got about a .5% chance of getting him to wear his parrot hat tonight. Fucker. I worked hard on that hat. I HAND SEWED the beak. I turned it inside out and back right side out and stuffed it and everything. No glue, no heatbond. It is the proverbial cake topper and if I have to, I will hot glue it to his head.

I was going to iron "wench" onto a shirt and wear this flow-y cotton skirt I have with a bandanna and hoop earrings. But I can't find a shirt or a bandanna and I'm really kind of over the whole Halloween thing already. So that will probably fall wayside along with the tote bags and pirate ship wagon. They were awesome ideas though. I did try the whole ship thing, but me and box cutters just don't mix and Mr. Ashley wouldn't stop working to help me. Something about a career and a paycheck, blahblahblah, I don't know. Way to ruin Halloween Mr. Ashley. Kidding, kidding. (mostly).

Here are some preview pictures, since I have a photo shoot early in the morning and I know you'll all be chomping at the bit to see the Ashley boys decked out.


Here's the one millisecond that the parrot hat did stay on his head. He also has tail feathers. Hopefully, I'll get better pics tonight. I'm also hoping that I can get him to wear dish gloves on his feet so they look like bird feet, but he has hidden one of his Crocs and I'm not sure I can make it happen with his tennis shoes. That's right, rubber gloves on his feet because he doesn't look ridiculous enough as is.


and the raddest pirate ever.

Okay everyone, I'm back to the battle between me and this dirty house. I'm losing, as usual. You all have a happy Halloween and hope for little kid's sake that he wears that damn parrot hat.

P.S. Any snapshots that I share are not indicative of my talent as a photographer. Unless I'm doing a little "photoshoot" sort of deal, I'm using on camera flash and my pics are just ordinary snapshots like everyone else because on camera flash sucks goat balls.

Happy Halloween!

Best Halloween costume ever!

So today is the big day. Pumpkin carved? Nope. Tote bags made? Nope. Wagon transformed into ship? Nope. Parrot costume cute as hell but falling apart now that it's been tried on once? Yep. Heatbond is not your friend, people. I'm going to have to attempt to reinforce with thread or something. Damn it!

Today we will make mummy dogs by wrapping hot dogs in strips of crescent roll and then painting tiny faces on them with ketchup and mustard and hopefully I'll muster up the energy to drag Big Kid out for a MUCH NEEDED hair cut. Then tonight we'll do the obligatory block of trick or treating before joining the Baptists for their Hallelujah Night festival (because it kicks ass, not because we're religious or anything).

Hope you all have fun and get lots of candy!! I don't know about you all, but I deserve some candy after all of the preparation that goes into this crazy ass holiday.

Jack Hole

Can I just confess here that I have ZERO DESIRE to go pick out a pumpkin, prepare an area for destruction, cut open said pumpkin, and scoop out ooky gooky pumpkin guts?? None at all.

In Search of...

A personal assistant. Must be able and willing to do dishes, wipe butts and highchair trays and scrub toilets. Cooking and serving skills a must. Patience for 98467583 "why?"s and the ability to endure Chutes & Ladders is preferred. Cat-like reflexes and nerves of steel required. Salary consists of room and board, a few smiles and the occasional "You're pwetty".

Hmmm...I need a wife. I watched a documentary about polygamy last night and I kind of got what they were saying. Can you imagine how nice it would be to have someone else around to help out during the day? I think I could definitely work out some sort of daily nap for myself if there was one more adult in the house. She couldn't be Mr. Ashley's wife though, she would have to be mine. I would pick her and I would be the head of the household. I think this is a brilliant idea.

I'm thinking of looking for someone who doesn't speak English so I won't have to deal with any catty bullshit and to make sure Mr. Ashley doesn't love her more. Although that actually may make him love her more....hmmm. You know, for more naps and less "why?"s it may be worth it. Besides, I do want her to be pretty. I'm not having an ugly wife. So I think a language barrier would be my best defense. Plus, we'd be bringing some culture into the house. This is freaking genius, I tell you!!! I think I could sell Mr. Ashley on this one.

I Prefer Laziness

Life is just totally crazy all of a sudden. All these people calling me and wanting stuff and needing me to call them back, emails that have to be returned, research that has to be done into pricing and products, appointment book that has to be kept up with. It's like I have an official job all of a sudden.

Which, don't get me wrong, is a good thing. Mr. Ashley and I were in preliminary discussions regarding me getting a night job while things suck so bad financially. Trust me, you'd rather have me photographing your children than serving your food. I just thought it would be a more gradual transition. And that maybe there would be less phone time. I was trying to keep it to no more than 2 appointments per week and I'm already booked through November if I stay firm on that rule!

At least it is a good kind of busy.

I've been working hard on the costumes. Yesterday I ran to the mall to get the fleece ski cap at The Children's Place. I saw them there last week and this week they swear they're out. We are in South Florida. It's only October. We haven't had it dip below 83 degrees yet. I just have a hard time believing they sold out of snow hats. I searched every store in the mall that carries kids clothes and not ONE had ANYTHING that would work. I almost cried.

I swung by K-Mart because everyone on the bargain board is hunting for this playhouse for $30. I thought for sure my ghetto ass K-Mart wouldn't have any and if they did they'd be full price, but I GOT IT!! For $30! YAY! This will be a huDge part of little kid's Christmas. While I was there I also found a red ski cap and some Suavitel fabric softener for $.50. Then I swung by the Dollar Tree and found the perfect red fuzzy pimp-like hat that fits little kid and would be THE COOLEST parrot head ever, but he won't even let me get it near his head. Damn him.

I worked on the parrot head ski cap all night long and I think it's pretty cute. I even sewed and stuffed a beak. However, I think he has too much dignity to wear such a thing and I may have a fight on my hands. This is definitely one of those costumes that he will look back on one day and ask why the hell I did that to him. Sorry, but all the "good" moms make their kids costumes, I have to do it at least once. I may ditch the tote bag idea, that may have been a moment of overachieving, but I still hope to decorate the wagon into a pirate ship. We shall see.

Okay, little kid is in time out and is starting to get pissed. He realized yesterday that he can climb (read: fall) out of his crib and now he pretty much holds us hostage at bed time and time out because now we have to worry that he'll decide to free himself if he gets mad enough. What am I going to do with this kid?? Big Kid slept in a crib until he was 2.5 with no problems. Leave it to little kid to be swan diving to the floor below at the tender age of 14 months. I better go rescue him before we're 3 for 3 with head injuries. I swear I'll be back one day with something funny.