Tuesday, October 30, 2007

In Search of...

A personal assistant. Must be able and willing to do dishes, wipe butts and highchair trays and scrub toilets. Cooking and serving skills a must. Patience for 98467583 "why?"s and the ability to endure Chutes & Ladders is preferred. Cat-like reflexes and nerves of steel required. Salary consists of room and board, a few smiles and the occasional "You're pwetty".
Hmmm...I need a wife. I watched a documentary about polygamy last night and I kind of got what they were saying. Can you imagine how nice it would be to have someone else around to help out during the day? I think I could definitely work out some sort of daily nap for myself if there was one more adult in the house. She couldn't be Mr. Ashley's wife though, she would have to be mine. I would pick her and I would be the head of the household. I think this is a brilliant idea.

I'm thinking of looking for someone who doesn't speak English so I won't have to deal with any catty bullshit and to make sure Mr. Ashley doesn't love her more. Although that actually may make him love her more....hmmm. You know, for more naps and less "why?"s it may be worth it. Besides, I do want her to be pretty. I'm not having an ugly wife. So I think a language barrier would be my best defense. Plus, we'd be bringing some culture into the house. This is freaking genius, I tell you!!! I think I could sell Mr. Ashley on this one.

8 comments:

Muffy's Bestie said...

I've been a divorced Mom for 8 years and have said forever "god I need a wife". So I hear ya Ashley. For some reason, my single gal friends aren't going for it. Damn it. My kids are cute.

Kate said...

Pick Me! Pick Me! Wait...that won't work, I'd only be trading my beasties for yours...But, I'd still be your wife. Wait, shit, I speak english. I could pretend to only speak gibberese. Plus I'm fun and I like a nice drink at the end of the night. Wait, I'm supposed to be YOUR wife. Damn this isn't working

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

I hear ya. The next time around, I'm marrying a woman.

Southern Fried Girl said...

I already decided next go round I am shacking up with my BFF Stephanie and we are gonna be lesbian life partners who don't have sex. We also allow each other to date and have sex with men.

It will work beautifully.

Deb said...

What Sarah said.

Kerry said...

I say that all the time! I need a wife!!

Lyssa Ireland Thomas said...

I've been saying this for years! I have mine picked out and everything. Now if the state would just accept the union.

Cake said...

I'm seriously think this everytime I watch Big Love. Hopefully, I can find a lesbian and then have TWO wives ;)