Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Freaky Friends

So when I was 23 years old, I was hired as a marketing representative for a title company. Being pretty, friendly and talkative were literally in the job description. I basically hung out all day, drove around and chatted with realtors, and went to lunch dates and cocktail parties and drank. Not a bad job.

I spent a considerable amount of time lounging around the office and feeding the koi fish in the pond that the building was built around. I wore mini skirt business suits and high heels every day and I was young and skinny. Every freakin' time I went out to feed the fish, this pervy old guy named Sonny would come out and stare at me and would occasionally approach me and attempt to strike up a conversation. It was really annoying.

So today I had my photography lesson. It happens to be at the building my office used to be in. I walk in and who is the photographer...but good ole' Sonny Boy. I never would have guessed because he goes by something different as a photographer and we had never met in person as photographers. I tried to pull it off like we hadn't ever met, but Sonny couldn't be fooled, he knew exactly who I was. I was a little irked that this is the guy I'd be alone with for an hour, but whatever, he's a great photographer and I'm lucky he's giving me the time of day.

So he takes me upstairs to his studio and goes on...and on...and on about boudoir photography. I do not encourage him at all and keep redirecting back to my specialty which is children's photography. He goes to show me some lighting techniques...and picks up a whole stack of nudie shots as examples.

Look buddy, there are normal photos all over the place. Lots of lighting examples. I don't want to look at girls' boobies with you, sorry I just don't. I acknowledge the artful photos with great lighting and ignore the trashier ones and once again attempt to redirect and he launches into all the reasons women like to have boudoir photos taken of themselves (mainly so that when they're 70, they'll have memories of how hot they were. I get this, no explanation needed, I have lingerie pics of myself and I know why they were taken) complete with tales of the boudoir pictures he's seen of some of his colleagues' wives and how great they looked. Interesting. He also goes on to tell me him and his partner are "having a lot of fun" doing this (I bet you are, you old coot) and that women feel comfortable with them since they aren't "creepy perverts" (uh, yeah you are).

So that was a little weird but we did finally get to other subjects and the weird vibe in the room settled to a reasonable level. I learned a lot and I think Sonny and I are going to be good friends, if he stops hinting that he wants to take naked pictures of me. My one hour lesson did end up being close to two hours, so I can't complain, even if I did feel like I needed to shower after leaving.

I know you all want to hear more about my lingerie photos, so I will indulge you with the tale. I was in my wedding lingerie when Katy aka Catfish insisted that I should let her take a picture. I'm so glad I did because I looked freaking HOT and Mr. Ashley was thrilled to get the photos. So thrilled he hid them in a book...and then forgot what book he stashed them in. We have a very large book collection, they could be anywhere. I have looked for them, but haven't encountered them yet.

Once I lent Harry Potter to a friend of his and he had a conniption fit and was positive that the photos were in that book and that he was going to die and/or murder his friend if he saw them. He rushed over to his house and checked the book and luckily they were not there. Harry Potter? So he may have hid them in a children's book? So at any time, nearly nude photos of me could resurface? That's really great. What a fun surprise that will be. Note to self: do not lend or sell any books without thoroughly checking each page.


Lynda Kay said...

I would've died if you'd said that he called you "bebe"!

Lynda Kay said...

P.S. If I find your lingerie pics in one of my many borrowed books from you I promise not to use them as bookmarks..

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to read the reviews from that great "friend" of yours.


Ned said...

Do tell about your "friends" toys...

clemsongirlandthecoach said...

um, yeah. send the photos and the "mail", it's recruiting season here...

didn't your mama teach you to share?

Deb said...

Magic wands, indeed!

I can't wait for the reviews. I've already told Hubby all about your friend's little review gig, and he can't wait, either.

Unknown said...

Woo Hoo! Sounds like you, I mean your friend is going to have a fun little time!

I agree in that everyone needs a nudie, or at least half nudie shot... but if you take it after 25, it's not as effective.
I may have a few of my own..