Monday, October 8, 2007

Master Cleanse Diet: Day 1 Updated

So, today I begin my Master Cleanse adventure. Last night I drank my senna tea, so it can begin "scraping" the insides of my colon (too much information, I know, get used to it). This morning I drank my quart of luke warm salt water. Actually I drank 3 cups of it because I just couldn't choke down that last cup. Lordy. I do not recommend drinking luke warm salt water, in fact I think I'm only going to be attempting that 3 days a week (if even). Now I am ready to poop myself to mental and physical health.

My mom is quite sure I am going to die from undertaking this adventure. "No one can go 10 days without eating food," she says. Beyonce can, I say. "You're not Beyonce," she replies. That's true. I did run this by my doctor and she didn't even act like I was crazy, and she knows for a fact that I am crazy. If I were going to die, I would hope she would have said something. My mom is not so sure she would have intervened.

I know some of you were concerned with the maple syrup factor, since it says right over there in my sidebar that I hate maple syrup with all of my being. It turns out real maple syrup isn't nearly as sticky or smelly as that high fructose corn syrup crap. I have not yet sampled the actual "lemonade" that I will be living off of for the next 10 days, but right now I'm hopeful.

And yes, you do all have permission to laugh when I crash and burn. You'll have to excuse me now, I have to rush myself to the restroom, the saltwater must be working.

Update 1: Yeah, the saltwater is working. Let's just say I've gotten A LOT of reading in today. I'm almost done with Dean Koontz's "The Husband" and I just started it two nights ago. Let's hope I'm not still peeing out of my ass at parent night tonight at the Temple. I know you're all cringing at my description, but there is just no lady like way to say it.

On a positive note, the lemonade is really good! I can't believe how good it is. I'm still feeling hopeful.

Update 2: It's 3:42 and I'm hungry and irritable. I'm often irritable though, especially lately, so there is no telling if this is the result of the diet or my sucky life. I'm having another glass of lemonade. Luckily, I haven't needed as much bathroom time, but that was a nice escape and I am kind of missing my book. I have JUST realized this means no wine. Holy shit, what have I done.

15 comments:

Northern Michigan Mom said...

I'm pretty impressed! I would puke!! Good Luck to you. I'm starting the weight watchers material today and have posted about it also. I'm craving candy, help!!

Catfish said...

You aren't going to eat for 10 days! Holy shit (sorry) Please don't get sick, I need you ;)

Anonymous said...

Cat VonD tried to do this on her show but she didn't make it. I hope you have the energy to get on here everyday I am not sure what I would do without having you to read-oh yea it's called housework but who wants to do that. Good luck with your cleaning out!!

Joy

Anonymous said...

I really think it's funny that your "I don't need to Poop" post is followed by a description of peeing out of your ass. Heeeelarious!!!!!

Good luck!

Judy said...

Wow - I'm trying to figure out how I could string 10 days together to try this out! With Halloween coming, my son's birthday, anniversary, then other birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas...nope, maybe sometime around March 08 I can give this a whirl...keep us posted on how it goes!

mlatulip said...

Yes, I think this is just what you need to kick your Coke habit. Good luck to you & I'll say it again - I wish I could join you. Next time I will... If there is a next time. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm sure everyone must know the answer already, but I missed it apparently, WHY are you doing this? Is it to lose weight or something else?

Jenn said...

What the hell are you thinking?

No alcohol for ten days?

Can you keep the crack pipe? ;)

clemsongirlandthecoach said...

G-ross. I tagged you tho...it'll give you something else to think about.

Traci said...

Yeah... good luck with that.

Deb said...

My husband would divorce me if I didn't eat for 10 days. That's how nasty I get if I miss a single meal. Throw in a case of trouser chili, and I'd probably be ready for a killing spree. Good luck! Can't wait to read all about it.

Kerry said...

My father in law did the cleanse for 21 days! I lasted 5 days... for me the hardest part of the deal was having to cook and fix lunchs for my family. I didn't realize how much I nibble! Good luck - you can do it!

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Wow. I'm strangely intrigued by this diet you speak of...
Please keep us updated. I may follow in your footsteps!
How often do you drink the "lemonade" in one day? How much of it?

Jennifer said...

Goodness, I'd be one irritable beotch! Good luck!

Trish said...

Although I found what your wrote interesting, I think that depriving yourself of food and going on a complete fast is really going at it the wrong way. You need to do something that will help you to lose weight, not eating will not make you lose weight it will make you sick and put your body into starvation mode.

I have been on many diets and when I was younger they worked for a while, but as I grew older and had to take different meds for things, the meds put on weight and the diets didn't work, or they worked for me to take off a couple to 5 lbs. then put on not only what I lost but additional weight as well.

However I have found something that not only works but works much faster and will help you detoxify your entire body and it is also good for athletes you can lose 5 to 15 pounds of fat safely and quickly and helps build lean muscle at the same time it is guaranteed or your money refunded check out Healthy Weight Loss Health


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