Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Monsters in the Closet

I know I've sucked at entertaining you all so far this week. Remember the photo shoot I had the other day? Well, I showed the pictures to the mom and she loooooooooved them. She posted the link on a mom's group board and within 24 hours I have booked FOUR appointments. She's also interested in a photo book, a photo purse and birth announcements, so I've been running all over the internet figuring out what to do about all of that.

While this is all seriously great and exciting, it makes it hard to be lazy or sit around and chat online with friends all day. In case you are all worrying that I will get rich and successful and have nothing to bitch about...have no fear. There's always something to bitch about. I have kids. Two of them.

Speaking of the little punks, Big Kid is sick again. This is seriously inconvenient as I desperately want him to go to school and since LK and I had playdate plans for this afternoon. So much for all of that. Another day locked up in this sty.

Anyhoo, my girl Fluffy Windover brought to my attention that you can check Statcounter to see what people googled to get to you. Hers cracked me up so I started paying attention to mine. This is how people in the last week have found me:

Craigslist Vera Bradley Java Blue (Someone with good taste in purses)

Sloppy Joe's toga Fantasy Fest pics (So fun! Been there, done that, have toga pics to prove it!)

Pervy stories blog (What?? I'm not that pervy)

My penis is really big for some reason Ashley loves it!! (Um...someone googled this? For real?)

The biggest zit ever (Sorry 'bout your luck. I thought mine was MRSA Staph, but it wasn't)

How much of the Master Cleanse do I drink? (NONE!)

Herpes info website ahms (Sucks to be you)

Kim Kardashian, closets (Googling yourself again, Kim?)

Fat arms (DAMN IT! I KNEW my arms were fat. I don't want to be famous for it)

Kim Kardashian closet (This has to be the same person as above, right? Two people can't care)

What it means to hear angels singing (It means you've done too much LSD)

Photos of snakes in women's womb (Wh...wh...what?? HOW did they end up here??)

Pierce Brosnan spanking (A kindred spirit)

Master Cleanse no poop (Just quit already)

Warm saltwater to poop (Seriously, DON'T DO IT)

So if any of you freaks have stuck around, please do explain. Particularly the big penis person or the freaky snake person. Why, oh why, are you googling these things? Whatever compelled you to click on my link?

I told you all that there were weirdos around here.


Anonymous said...


Jennifer said...

Christ, people are crazy. I think I found you by Googling "Low-voting retards". Just kidding, I found you through MM and stuck around.

Anonymous said...

I have tears in my eyes from laughing so frickin hard at the googles! Thanks for sharing!


P.S. Maybe the big penis one is Mr. Ashley...

Anonymous said...

This is so funny! luckily I didn't have to google you I found you thru the Fab Coach's Wife-seriously you two ladies crack me up! I check your blogs mulitiple times a day hoping for something new to laugh about.


Kate said...

someone googled big turd and it led them to my blog....I'd say it makes me sound freaky but then again, anyone who has read my blog knows this to be true. Those stat counter things are cool...I have seen the same 2 people on mine and they make me excited - (bring on the reality tv show) and Coke (yes, I would like a lifetime supply of your product) It sucks though because while its a rush to see all the locations checking you out, it depresses me that noone likes to comment...I need love too and not in a big turd kind of way. Speaking of Coke, I have another 15 or so points for you when I can get around to typing them in...

Jennifer said...

I just installed statcounter so I can see if I get any weirdos.

I forgot to say congratulations on booking your appointments earlier! It's great to earn money for something you enjoy doing anyway.

Deb said...

The Pierce Brosnan spanking one was me. That's how I always get to your blog. Don't tell me I'm the only one!

Fluffy Windover said...

Hahahaha! Hilarious. Lately I've been getting a lot of "Nancy Drew costume" referrals. I hope this person reconsiders. That is a lame costume.

Renee said...

Those are SO FUNNY!!! It really does take a lot for me to literally LOL when I'm reading something online, even though I am a regular LOL user/writer/typer. But these had me rolling. Some are seriously odd.

Congrats on your instant fame and soon-to-be fortune in the photography world. I am happy to say that "I knew you when..." and even more happy that I got my free photo session in before you become all arrogant and exclusive and high-falutin' and shit.

-The Renee

Monogram Momma said...


I used to have the best time seeing what people googled to get to me. It's crazy!

Anonymous said...

Oh my god...I am coming out of lurkdom to comment on how funny those searches are. I was literly laughing out loud...I may have even snorted, but don't tell anyone. I am another babycenter mom who found your blog during the photo contest fiasco, and I am so glad I did! You are great. I want to be just like you when I grow up!

jennifer said...

Congrats! And the google searches were hilarious!

Traci said...

That is seriously some funny shit..

and congrats on the sessions! You deserve it, you do great work!


k e r r y said...

90% of the google searches that I hit are for j.crew and 5% are for monogramming... the other 5% are not nearly as entertaining as your searches!!!!