Sunday, October 14, 2007

Old Cow in Uno

Tomorrow is Mr. Ashley's birthday. I convinced him not to go to the condo today because he's been working his butt off and really deserved a bit of a break before the week started back up again. He kind of just wanted to lay on the couch and watch football (and mope, in my opinion) and instead I convinced him that we should go out and get a bite to eat. He was reluctant, but I had to go to Target anyway (down to the last diaper and little kid poops every 2 hours it seems) and convinced him it would be good to get out.

So we choose Uno's Pizza, family friendly establishment that it is. We actually sat and laughed about the year and a half we couldn't go out to eat because Big Kid was a Restaurant Terrorist and wondered if we'd suffer the same fate with little kid. We waited for our pizza. And answered 897 Whys?. And were forced to play tic tac toe and explain the Cryptograms on the kid menu to him. And played Peek-a-boo and accosted the waiter for crackers for little kid. And waited some more. Finally, the natives were getting restless. Little kid started trying to get out of the highchair and Big Kid was vying for my attention and asking where our pizza was every two seconds.

To entertain them I pretended that I was going to eat the nasty moist crackers in little kid's sweaty little palm that touches poop daily. He would pull it away at the last minute and laugh heartily and I'll admit, the laughter was punctuated with a happy shriek every now and again, but he wasn't crying or screaming and I wasn't being loud. Big Kid started getting a little excited and was trying to get in on the action and he shrieked with laughter too. I told him let's use our inside voices and he kept chattering and laughing, but all in all, typical 4 year old behavior and not excessively loud.

So, all of a sudden the lady in the booth behind Mr. Ashley stands up and turns around awkwardly. She stands there for a moment, eyes darting around the table, looking seriously nervous. It was a weird moment. She looked like she had stage fright. Then she focuses on Big Kid and says,

"Would you PLEASE be quiet?" in a loud, snotty tone.

I know it seems cliche and like a cheesy movie scene, but I swear to you the whole restaurant went silent. Everyone was stunned. Our waiter was behind me, there was a family next to us, and an old couple behind them and everyone froze. The old couple had been complimenting the kids just moments before. I looked over at them and their mouths were open in shock. It was several seconds of "What the fuck was that?" kind of quiet. Then I went from stunned to seething.

Mr. Ashley: Are you kidding? Is she kidding?

Ashley: No, NO. He's being a normal 4 year old. You're the rudest person I've ever met. You have no right to talk to my child...

She turned her back to me and slid back into the booth and our waiter approached us.

Waiter: What's going on?

Ashley: (Loudly) She just stood up and told my child to be quiet. He has been perfectly well behaved and she has no business speaking to my child or telling him what to do when we've got things under control.

Waiter: No kidding, she did that? They've been fine. We have wild kids in here all of the time and these two have been great. (Looking at Big Kid) Don't even worry about it, big guy.

Big Kid: How tum, um, how tum she stood up and she said dor me to be quiet?

Ashley: Don't worry about it. You have been a good boy. I asked you to use your inside voice and you did. She just has bad manners.

Waiter: You're fine, buddy, you can throw things at her if you want.

Ashley: No, he can't.

Waiter: Okay, yeah. No you can't.

...AND WE STILL DIDN'T HAVE OUR PIZZA. Soon little kid got pissed and was starting to get loud.

Mr. Ashley: I'm going to take him outside.

Ashley: No, you aren't. (Mind you, he still wasn't bad. I do take him out once he's truly disruptive. We've gone home mid-meal many a times. But he was loud enough for her to hear) If she hates kids, she can move. She came to a pizzeria, a family restaurant at 5:00pm on a Sunday and apparently expected to not have to see or hear children. How dare she. It's your birthday. We are staying.

Lucky for her, the pizza came right then and we sat there furious and debating further confrontation, while I silently challenged her tablemate to look at me. Mr. Ashley was still in total disbelief and was pissed. I saw her complain to the waiter, who shrugged and then they got their check and left.

It was one of those situations that once it was over I thought of everything I should have said and done, and how she would have realized what an asshat she was and the whole restaurant would give me a standing ovation and she'd be forced to apologize to Big Kid and pay our tab.

The rest of our night was marred by her audacity. If you really have a problem, and for some reason you just can't request a new table, speak to the parents. Quietly and not in a snotty tone. I still would have been irritated, but not livid.

So, that was definitely a bummer. Mr. Ashley wasn't thrilled with the Super Target excursion either. Also, he forbade me to get him a gift and he has to work tomorrow. So I'm going to try to be a good wife and stay off the computer and clean up the house since I took all weekend off (stay at home mom hours are ridiculous). I'm also going to wake up with little kid AND take Big Kid to school. Ugh. I wish I could've just bought him a present instead, way more fun and definitely easier. I need my rest.


Judy said...

I think that would have totally set me off...really, I would NEVER confront a CHILD in a public place while his/her parents are right there, ESPECIALLY a child you don't know. WTH?

Happy Birthday Mr. Ashley!

Unknown said...

WOW!! I can SO relate to how you felt!! I had a similar thing happen with a woman ordering my disabled son to clean up a mess that I was clearly already in the midst of cleaning up myself! I was so annoyed, but like you, didn't say very much in the moment.. but, in my case, I came home and posted about it on the BH board!! That'll show her!! LMAO!

ErIn said...

Happy Birthday Mr. Ashley!

What a friggin bitch! I probably would've gone apeshit on her myself. And I sure hope she's never in a restaurant with my 2 kids, she'd never be able to unbunch her panties!

Ned said...

She must be a miserable person. I have had someone say something to my kids before in front of me. It takes a few seconds to get over the WTF just happened here shock and respond. Then try to compose yourself and respond, all the while setting a good example for your kids. Sounds like you handled it with grace. Tell Big kid she is just a meaner!

Carie said...

When my grandmother was in ICU last Thanksgiving, we all went to the hospital to see her. Of course we had to wait for a little while till our "once per hour time" came and we were allowed to see her. My kids were being very good in the family waiting area and there were several other families there with kids and there were TVs on, etc. Not a loud room but certainly not quiet. My uncle ADORES my kids and started kidding around with them, making silly faces and making coins disappear and reappear and my kids were really enjoying it and laughing (not loud). Well, all of a sudden this fat cow of a bitchy nurse walks up to my daughter (who at the time was 5) and says "If you can't use your inside voice you are going to have to leave" I thought I was going to lose it! However, my uncle saved the day and said "I'm sorry its my fault I was making them laugh, please forgive us." I sat down, but was still seething! Anyhow, many people who were sitting nearby came up and said that our kids were being angels and that they weren't bothering anyone. One lady even came up and said that her husband was in critical condition and wasn't expected to make it and that our children's laughter brightened her day for just a little while. We all figured the bitch nurse was in a bad mood because she had to work on T'day! Looking back I thought of 100 things I could have said to smut-face nurse but I'm glad I didn't. My uncle handled it well, but I was still mad that she didn't come to me and ask me to keep my kids quiet. I had to spend the rest of the day telling my daughter that she was being good.

Queen In My House of Blue said...

OH MY GOD!! I would have flipped the hell out!! My husband calls those DMV (department of motor vehicle) moments.. when I freak out at people!
The nerve of that bitch!!!!

Jennifer said...

Fidel would have snatched my kids up and ran outside so that they wouldn't see their Mama lose her shit on some lady. Who the F is she to speak to your kid?! I would have just looked at her husband and told him to get his mother under control before she got her ass kicked.

Sasha said...

I have a terrible temper and there is no telling what I would have said... So sorry this happened to you when you were trying to celebrate Mr. Ashley's bday!

Jaws said...

Oh hells no. I hate old people.
All the more reason Im going to be as evil as possible when Im old.

Dana said...

OMG. I would have ripped her a new one. Kudos to you for handling it well.

Happy B-day Mr. Ashley!

Kate said...

Once, when Shaggy was about 2, we were in Pizza Hut. I had given him a crust and he managed to start choking on it. I smacked him on his back to make sure he was ok and this battleaxe at the next table turns to me and says, "Do you have to beat your child in public" Me, being me, turns to her and says "Would you rather I sat her and let him fucking choke so as to not disturb your fine dining experience?" It might have been in a real bitchy tone too....knowing me....yeah. The ex-Mr. Kate was a little frightened of my public temper...I almost got us a Marine escort out of the American embassy in armed Marine escort!

Cate said...

I would have just waited and as soon as she sat down, would have stood up and asked (rather loudly) her companion to please control his companion. Kids who are restraunt savvy still are kids!! sheesh damn that lady!!! ;p

Cinnamon said...

Ugh, HOW RUDE!!! I am already steaming from my encounter with a rude gay man in the McDonald's drive-thru that woman has sent me over the top today!

Smoochiefrog said...

Wow, what nerve! I probably would have been asked to leave b/c I would have gone off so bad. Actually I probably wouldn't have said anything due to being so angry I couldn't see straight. Stupid humans.

And Happy Belated Birthday to Mr. Ashley.

Buford Betty said...

OMG!!!!!!!! OK I have been to an Uno's and it is absolutely a family atmosphere. If you don't want to be around kids, choose a different restaurant or stay home! I mean I get annoyed as much as the next person over parents who let their kids run wild in restaurants and are completely oblivious, but you guys were doing nothing wrong. I can't believe y'all controlled yourselves as well as you did!

clemsongirlandthecoach said...

Dear Big Kid,
You don't know this yet, but your mom rocks. Seriously, she defends your honor all the time. She might be one of the best mommies on the planet (except that she's cleaning today instead of blogging to entertain me, but I digress). When you were little some other mean mommies were rude to you and your mommy told them to go play in thier own sandbox, (and then she spit in their sandbox). They were so stinky and rude, and your mommy really loves you so she took thier toys away. Tell your mommy you love her, probably even more than I do.

Ms. Skywalker said...

I'd like to say that I'd have come up with some snarky comment that left the patrons clapping for me and booing her, but I'd probably have just started crying.

Wow. Holy miserable bitch.

Can you imagine being that unhappy with your life?

Deb said...

Please, oh, PLEASE write a blog entry about the "Conversation That Should Have Been". I really want to know how you would have handled it in hindsight so I'm prepped for the first time it happens to me.

Renee said...

What a miserable old sod. Sounds like you handled it well. Happy Birthday to Mr. Ashley! Give him a few extra smooches tonight.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, it's Tuesday WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUU?!

Anonymous said...

Ok, that lady was totally out of line but in the big picture - who really cares? When something like that happens it just makes me think how sad their life must be for them to get that angry about something like that. Those types of people are never happy no matter what...and how sad is that? If it had been me I would have just said "He is being quiet" and left it at that. I certainly would not have let it ruin my meal/day. She made an ass of herself, nothing more was needed.

Please don't construe this as criticism of your reaction, just my take on how I would have reacted.

Anonymous said...

Whadda bitch! I hate when I think of the most awesome comebacks after the fact.