Tomorrow is Mr. Ashley's birthday. I convinced him not to go to the condo today because he's been working his butt off and really deserved a bit of a break before the week started back up again. He kind of just wanted to lay on the couch and watch football (and mope, in my opinion) and instead I convinced him that we should go out and get a bite to eat. He was reluctant, but I had to go to Target anyway (down to the last diaper and little kid poops every 2 hours it seems) and convinced him it would be good to get out.
So we choose Uno's Pizza, family friendly establishment that it is. We actually sat and laughed about the year and a half we couldn't go out to eat because Big Kid was a Restaurant Terrorist and wondered if we'd suffer the same fate with little kid. We waited for our pizza. And answered 897 Whys?. And were forced to play tic tac toe and explain the Cryptograms on the kid menu to him. And played Peek-a-boo and accosted the waiter for crackers for little kid. And waited some more. Finally, the natives were getting restless. Little kid started trying to get out of the highchair and Big Kid was vying for my attention and asking where our pizza was every two seconds.
To entertain them I pretended that I was going to eat the nasty moist crackers in little kid's sweaty little palm that touches poop daily. He would pull it away at the last minute and laugh heartily and I'll admit, the laughter was punctuated with a happy shriek every now and again, but he wasn't crying or screaming and I wasn't being loud. Big Kid started getting a little excited and was trying to get in on the action and he shrieked with laughter too. I told him let's use our inside voices and he kept chattering and laughing, but all in all, typical 4 year old behavior and not excessively loud.
So, all of a sudden the lady in the booth behind Mr. Ashley stands up and turns around awkwardly. She stands there for a moment, eyes darting around the table, looking seriously nervous. It was a weird moment. She looked like she had stage fright. Then she focuses on Big Kid and says,
"Would you PLEASE be quiet?" in a loud, snotty tone.
I know it seems cliche and like a cheesy movie scene, but I swear to you the whole restaurant went silent. Everyone was stunned. Our waiter was behind me, there was a family next to us, and an old couple behind them and everyone froze. The old couple had been complimenting the kids just moments before. I looked over at them and their mouths were open in shock. It was several seconds of "What the fuck was that?" kind of quiet. Then I went from stunned to seething.
Mr. Ashley: Are you kidding? Is she kidding?
Ashley: No, NO. He's being a normal 4 year old. You're the rudest person I've ever met. You have no right to talk to my child...
She turned her back to me and slid back into the booth and our waiter approached us.
Waiter: What's going on?
Ashley: (Loudly) She just stood up and told my child to be quiet. He has been perfectly well behaved and she has no business speaking to my child or telling him what to do when we've got things under control.
Waiter: No kidding, she did that? They've been fine. We have wild kids in here all of the time and these two have been great. (Looking at Big Kid) Don't even worry about it, big guy.
Big Kid: How tum, um, how tum she stood up and she said dor me to be quiet?
Ashley: Don't worry about it. You have been a good boy. I asked you to use your inside voice and you did. She just has bad manners.
Waiter: You're fine, buddy, you can throw things at her if you want.
Ashley: No, he can't.
Waiter: Okay, yeah. No you can't.
...AND WE STILL DIDN'T HAVE OUR PIZZA. Soon little kid got pissed and was starting to get loud.
Mr. Ashley: I'm going to take him outside.
Ashley: No, you aren't. (Mind you, he still wasn't bad. I do take him out once he's truly disruptive. We've gone home mid-meal many a times. But he was loud enough for her to hear) If she hates kids, she can move. She came to a pizzeria, a family restaurant at 5:00pm on a Sunday and apparently expected to not have to see or hear children. How dare she. It's your birthday. We are staying.
Lucky for her, the pizza came right then and we sat there furious and debating further confrontation, while I silently challenged her tablemate to look at me. Mr. Ashley was still in total disbelief and was pissed. I saw her complain to the waiter, who shrugged and then they got their check and left.
It was one of those situations that once it was over I thought of everything I should have said and done, and how she would have realized what an asshat she was and the whole restaurant would give me a standing ovation and she'd be forced to apologize to Big Kid and pay our tab.
The rest of our night was marred by her audacity. If you really have a problem, and for some reason you just can't request a new table, speak to the parents. Quietly and not in a snotty tone. I still would have been irritated, but not livid.
So, that was definitely a bummer. Mr. Ashley wasn't thrilled with the Super Target excursion either. Also, he forbade me to get him a gift and he has to work tomorrow. So I'm going to try to be a good wife and stay off the computer and clean up the house since I took all weekend off (stay at home mom hours are ridiculous). I'm also going to wake up with little kid AND take Big Kid to school. Ugh. I wish I could've just bought him a present instead, way more fun and definitely easier. I need my rest.