Friday, October 12, 2007

What Will Become of Him?

I am very concerned about little kid's intelligence. He doesn't watch television, EVER. Not for one second, not even when he's pushing all of the buttons and putting a child lock code on. I don't understand it. We own just about every Baby Einstein movie. We know Noggin's programming schedule. I used to put his baby seat right in front of the big screen, just like with Big Kid, but did he watch? No, he cried and screamed.

How will he learn his letters without Leapfrog's Letter Factory? Who will teach him his numbers, if not Sesame Street? He has no chance at Spanish without Dora and Diego. Let's face it, unless something changes with him, he hasn't got a chance at succeeding in life.

Sure, I'll try to send him to The Jews, but they won't be fawning all over his geniusness like they do with Big Kid. Someone pointed out that they might not even take him if he still answers to "Jesus Christ Kid!". (Note to self: stop calling him that. They must take him. They are his only hope.)

You see, I was a work at home mom for Big Kid's first 2 years. A real job too, not this Pampered Chef sort of crap. A serious, high stress, long hours, detail oriented, responsible job where having someone yelling "Wook at my penis" (Big Kid, not Mr. Ashley) in the background was damaging to my credibility. So Panasonic stepped in.

Panasonic was his nanny, his tutor, his playmate, his friend all in one easy to contain, no muss no fuss 52" box. She showed him the world, helped me teach him about life and brought him a posse of characters to entertain him each day. He was enchanted.

Do I feel kind of bad about it ? A little just because I'm supposed to, but it worked for us. He has no signs of ADD, is able to concentrate and focus and knows all kinds of crazy stuff. Ms. Sharon told Mr. Ashley that she got goosebumps today when he read all the words on a worksheet she was having them cut out and that she can't believe how much he knows. I'll take the credit, but I'm not so sure I can honestly say I deserve it. And when Panasonic died and we were without tv for a few weeks, his mourning period was short and he was a normal kid again, albeit a little more annoying because of his constant "whys?" and "Can wes?".

So anyway, what the heck is going to happen with little kid? Surely one day he'll be interested, right? I don't get a free pass from Elmo this toddlerhood, correct? I just can't imagine. I might have to send him to the Temple at 2. For his education's sake, I swear. Not to get a break from being his constant source of entertainment and abuse or to save poor Heidi Louise from being tortured daily. Not to get a break from the screeching. Not to get the house to myself a few blessed hours a week. Yes, for his education, for his intelligence, for his future. Since he won't just sit down and watch some tv like a normal kid. I have one year to convince Mr. Ashley. Wish me luck.


~Gretchen~ said...

fear not

it took melody til a nasty bout of strep at 22 months old to become a fan of the box (only ours is just a 27 incher) but it happened nonetheless

and i have a really good image in my head of a shivering jewess

Deb said...

You're such a giving mother, Ashley. Let us know if we can sign some sort of petition to get Little Kid into preschool early. Not because we want you here more, but for LK's education, intelligence and future, of course.

Anonymous said...

LOL! ;)

Mine didn't like TV until he was about 2.5 and it took another whole year before he liked movies.

There's hope, mine's addicted now, that's Mommy's boy!

Anonymous said...

Dear Ashley,
They call it an idiot box for a reason. You raising an idiot or a really smart Big Kid? Guess what? You keep the box off as much as possible and he will be creative, learn to read, ask why, can wes, and not pester you to buy all that bullshit they are marketing! Save a brain and save a bundle at the bank! Sincerely, not so shy anymore commenter.

Anonymous said...

Really is this person serious? like her kid never watches TV, whatever. I love the thing how else am I suppose to get on here and check your blog more than once a day?? I even have one in the van we don't make it out the driveway without hitting play! my son is NO idiot in kindergarten he is SO smart thanks to all of our tv friends he can even count in spanish thanks to Dora, mommy was a spanish drop out how am I gonna teach him to speak to the 2 non english speaking kids in his class? and since big kid is reading I wouldn't call him an idiot either.