Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Discustin Piwates

Ashley: Look Big Kid, your pirate costume came!

Big Kid: Oh no, I'm not bein' a piwate.

Ashley: Yes you are.

Big Kid: No, I'm not. I'm bein' Buzz Whiteyear.

Ashley: No, you're being a pirate. This pirate. And little kid is being a parrot and your wagon is going to be a ship, remember?

Big Kid: Mudder, no. I cannot be a piwate. No. I'm not bein' dis.

(grabs costume from my hands)

Ashley: Then I guess you won't have a costume, because I spent our costume money on this pirate outfit that you said you wanted.

Big Kid: (Begins to cry. Not tantrum crying either, genuine sad, quiet crying).

Ashley: What's wrong, why are you crying?

Big Kid: I just don't want to be a piwate.

Ashley: Why not?

Big Kid: 'Cuz it's just discustin'.

Ashley: It's not disgusting. It's a cool costume.

Big Kid: It's not cool. It's a piwate.

Ashley: Whatever.

Big Kid: It's a discustin' piwate and I'm throwin' it outside.

(marches to the front door, Mr. Ashley intervenes and puts him in time out)

Several minutes later:

Ashley: Want to come out and have lunch?

Big Kid: No, mudder. I do not. Pwease-

Ashley: I'm making hotdogs into funny shapes with the new weiner cutters. You can have a penguin or a flower or a octopus or a crab...

Big Kid: No...uh...Did you say a cwab hotdog?

Ashley: Yes.

Big Kid: Okay.

Ashley: Come out and apologize to me and daddy.

Big Kid: No. I don't think so. I'm not sowwy.

Ashley: Then you don't get a crab hotdog.

Big Kid: (sadly) Okay.

(He emerges a few minutes later, shuffling and puffy eyed)

Mr. Ashley: Do you have something to say to me?

Big Kid: Yes. I'm sowwy.

Mr. Ashley: Do you know what you're sorry for?

Big Kid: No.

(They stare at each other for a moment)

Big Kid: I just don't want to be a piwate. I just want to be Buzz Whiteyear or an ice cream cone or a robot, but not a piwate. Not a discustin' piwate.

Now, although I don't agree that the costume is "discustin'" , I do think it's a little more gay looking than I originally thought. I'm even less thrilled about Buzz Lightyear than I am a pirate, and he can forget the ice cream cone. Buzz Lightyear wouldn't be so bad if little kid could be one of those green three eyed alien things, but I don't even know where to begin with that. I hate that he's getting to the age where he can pick his own costumes, it totally takes the fun out of it for me.

By the way, I cannot recommend weiner cutting. YUCK. Do you know what it's like to have weiner juice running down your hands? You probably do, you filthy thing. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Of course Big Kid loved it, so I'm probably stuck with it now. The crap I put up with around here.


ErIn said...

LMAO! My ds didn't want to be a pirate last yr either, but he changed his mind real quick when he realized he wouldn't get any candy otherwise! BTW...you can find those alien costumes on ebay, I've seen them. My boys are ironically going as Woody and Buzz this year!

Deb said...

Weiner juice. That's kind of icky sticky in any context.

Would he agree to being Davey Jones or Jack Sparrow? There are some cool pirate costumes from Disney. They're not gay in the least. Then you could salvage the whole theme.

Anonymous said...

So... I'm really curious to know whether Big Kid is going to end up being the piwate, or will you give in and let him be Buzz?

Anonymous said...

Hey I have 2 of the "Little Green Men" (green aliens from the movie) costumes that I bought years ago from The Disney Store. I can send you a picture of my boys in them when they were little. VERY cute! Got TONS of compliments!

aka jayceecat77

Rebecca said...

Eww, wiener cutting!?! Gross. You're a way better mom than me. My toddler considers herself lucky if I use a cookie cutter to make a pb&j crustless!

Of course, this is the same toddler who has decided that she wants to be the Three Little Pigs for Halloween. So the Hubby and I both get to be giant pigs. I tried to talk my son into being a wolf...but he'll have no part of it. He wants to be MacGyver, and I have no clue what I'm supposed to do with that!

Kate said...

I could make all kinds of inappropriate comments about sticky weiner juice but since this was posted in the context of BK, it just feels....wrong....suffice it to say, I'm thinking it all in my head

Sasha said...

Oh no! I hope it wasn't the costume I recommended from Lillian Vernon, because I would feel terrible for recommending a piwate that turned out to be discustin!

Anonymous said...

Oh an ice cream cone could be FUN! Think how cute it would be to have a life sized ice cream cone asking for candy. Little kid could be a cherry or sprinkles...I dont know how sprinkles would work but, just another wrench to add to your headache.

Anonymous said...

where did you get the weiner cutters??

Anonymous said...

Check my blog later tonight, Ashley for the latest in my superior and oh so coveted parenting advice. Tonights subject is ironically enough-HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!

Weiner cutting---EEEEEWWWWW!

Anonymous said...

Check my blog later tonight, Ashley for the latest in my superior and oh so coveted parenting advice. Tonights subject is ironically enough-HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!

Weiner cutting---EEEEEWWWWW!

Julie {Angry Julie Monday} said...

Are you sure we don't live in the same house?

I put Angry Toddler in his pirate costume last week. He cried....

I then bought a cow costume, why?, because I liked it. He cried.

Angry Husband gave me that look, you know the, stop spending money on stupid costumes look.

I swear if the husband and toddler have their way, the kid is gonna wear his Gymbo skeleton PJ's!!!

Oh, and woman, I saw your comment on my blog. My e-mail address is on my blog, if you want some message forums with some good drama.

aka Angry Julie
aka Angry Julie Who is Working Tonight and just wants to be home sleeping....