Today you turn 4. Several days ago I reminded you, "Your birthday is Tuesday! You'll be 4!" and you looked wistful as you nodded in agreement.
"I'mma invent a 'chine to make me stay tiny forever. Mmkay?"
"That sounds like a great machine!" I answered, wishing you could make it true.
I asked you what was wrong when you suddenly looked sad. "I don't think I can make a 'chine like 'at 'til I'm already big. So it won't wook."
"You should invent a time machine and we can go back to whatever time you want," I offered.
You looked interested but doubtful. "I gonna try, but I don't know if I can." I told you it was worth trying.
Every single day you ask me, "I's gonna get bigger, right? Every day I gonna get bigger, no matter what," and I confirm that it's true. It's not that you want to get bigger, it's that you don't want to get bigger and are checking to see if there are any ways around that.
You are a happy, joyful, mischievous and (mostly) carefree (for good and for bad) little soul. These are the days of your life, and you're wise enough to know that. Each day is a new adventure and you can have a good time anywhere, any time, under any circumstances. You exude fun and glow with genuine mirth.
You are bold in everything that you do, including how you express your love. You knock your big brother down daily with bear hugs, both of you collapsing in a heap of giggles (or yelling). You creep into our room at dawn to rub daddy's back and press your face into his shoulders as he sleeps. You serenade me each day with a song you made up. I always wanted someone to write a song about me and you did. It mostly goes like this:
"Mumum, come to my heart! Come.To.My.Heart, my looooooooooooove! COME to my HEART, my DEAR mum-muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmm. Cometomy HEAAAAAAAAART where you should be because I loves you, my sweet mommy. COME TO MY HEART!!! My loooooooooove."
I hear this in your warbling, high little voice while waking up or making you lunch. It is ridiculously funny and completely absurd. It often makes me laugh and tear up at the same time. I got the guy who wrote me my song. It was just a slightly different guy and song than I had envisioned. I love it and you more than I can ever say.
I know that 4 is going to be an awesome year for you. You started pre-k yesterday and this is the first phase of our life where you've ever been away from me for any set amount of time. I didn't think you were ready, but you were. You gave me a quick kiss and turned and walked away, looking impossibly big in the school clothes you helped pick out...looking not very much like a baby at all. You are getting bigger every day, whether we like it or not.
I feel blessed to have the happiness and silliness you bring to our home. I look forward to seeing where life takes you. But I also hope you manage to invent that machine that will keep you tiny.
I like you, I love you and I'll always protect you.
In your heart forever,