Monday, April 29, 2013

Fit Test

I forgot to tell you all but when we were in Orlando, I got to go to the Lululemon outlet there. I was more excited about this than Disney World.

It was smaller than I expected and we get a lot of clearance Lululemon stuff in the yoga studio, some of which I even get a discount on (thus the whole paying to work thing), but I still found a pile of clothes to try on. There was a line for the fitting rooms and I waited patiently before finally getting my own stall.

I tried everything on and did my downward dog mirror test on all of it, when I found myself at the last piece of clothing--a cute tank with a built-in bra. I really liked it, I decided to put it in the "keep" pile.

Then I tried to remove it.

I managed to get it halfway off and then I was stuck. Really, really, really stuck. I struggled for a moment and managed to become more entangled. One arm was stuck in the air, one caught up oddly in the shirt, my face halfway covered and my belly exposed, the shirt not budging...not up or down.

I considered my options. Mr. Ashley was at the front of the store but my only hope would be to call him on the phone--my limited mobility was not going to allow that kind of maneuvering. And what, he was going to march past the line of people and break into the fitting room to rescue me? I mean, he would and all, but ugh. I struggled for another minute and started to panic. I was in pain from my contorted arm.

At this point I was really freaking out. 

I thought about calling out for the fitting room attendant, and then remembered that it was an attractive young guy. I struggled some more, genuinely afraid I was going to obstruct my face and suffocate for a minute there.

I decided I might just have to use Hulk strength to bust myself out of the top and hope the checkout person didn't notice the tattered condition of the shirt as I bought it. I gathered myself for a mighty struggle, quickly cursing the durability of Lululemon clothing and giving up again, feeling exhausted.

I just could not call for help, I was having visions of the fire department coming in with the jaws of life; everyone in line pissed about the hold up, the fitting room guy telling his friends at the bar later that night.

I calmed myself, took a few deep breaths and told myself that much like a fox stuck in a trap, I was going to do whatever it took to get out of that fucking shirt, up to and including chewing off a limb. Like a wild person I fought and wriggled and squirmed and after practically dislocating a shoulder, managed to free myself.

That was some scary shit. I'm pretty sure I almost died.

I did not buy that shirt and I will never even attempt to buy a shirt like that ever again.


Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

This happened to me a few years ago with a dress in a TJ Max. I know that panic! So glad you got free.

I've never tried (or even seen) Lulu Lemon. Is it really any different than the yoga pants they sell in Target?


Unknown said...

They really are! I was skeptical but went to buy some Gap yoga pants, stopped by Lululemon and was amazed at the difference.

They do magical things to butts.

Sasha said...

I have had that happen to me! Once you freak out and start sweating, it gets even worse. Think Ross trying to pull up the lotion-powder-leather-pants, but in reverse. Glad you got free!

Jamie said...

When that happened to me I was lucky enough to be in a large fitting room with a girlfriend. In between her belly laughs she tried to help O_O

Cindy said...

I got panicky just reading that. That is a horrible feeling. And Sasha's Ross comment cracked me up. I'm happy that you're free. xo

Unknown said...

I've really enjoyed readying your blog! I visit almost everyday! :-)
I'm dying to buy some Lululemon stuff... but i cannot find ANY time to work out- I'm going to make time one day. I have two under two!

asnell said...

Can you post a link to a picture of this death shirt? I can't visualize! HA!

Unknown said...

Lanier, you don't really have to work out in it, just parade around impressed about how much better your butt looks. ;-)

Ann, I will look for a picture of the death shirt--might be tough since it was last season. The built in sports bra is what did me in.

Sara @ sarasmiles said...

That's definitely happened to me before...maybe not to that extreme, but it was definitely frustrating and somewhat painful

Tara said...

I read this a few days ago...and laughed at your misfortune (with love, I laughed with love).

Today, I bought a shapewear camisole. Thought it might be nice to smooth things out underneath form fitting shirts.

Thank god I waited until I was home to try it on. I almost suffocated myself getting it on and then pulled a muscle near my ribs getting it off. I'm not kidding...I actually pulled a muscle. I"ve got a heating pad on it and I'm eating ibuprofen like it's M&Ms.

Never. Again.

Unknown said...

I had this happen to me with a sports bra once, and I am claustrophobic. I always buy a size up now. It may not support my rack as well but at least I know it's not going to kill me.