Friday, May 24, 2013

Dear Mailman,

I'm sure your fear of my 11 pound wiener dog that you have never seen outside or uncontrolled ever is a very real and serious thing, but honking 8 times in my driveway during my nap to deliver a package I didn't even need to sign for?

Get your lazy ass out of the vehicle and leave it on my porch.

The UPS guy does it multiple times a week, with great success.

I noticed you did manage to get out twice the week of Christmas...which I'm sure had nothing to do with hoping for a holiday gratuity. You had the cute little Santa hat on, which seemed incongruous for the man who never smiles.

A nap is a rare and valuable thing that you do not fuck with--you just don't.

Waking me up from a nap is far more dangerous than an 11 pound dog behind glass doors.

I will bite you.

the sleepy, disgruntled lady with no bra


Lauray said...

Haha! I visited your blog for the first time tonight and read your perfect letter to your postman. He sounds EXACTLY like mine! Mine is definitely afraid of my dog, he has written me mean messages before ON MY PACKAGES about how my dog scares him (from inside my fenced yard!!!) Or sometimes he will just cram my packages into my mailbox instead of getting out of his truck. An expensive JCrew dress crammed into a mailbox=mad me!! Haha. I thought I was the only one. Thanks for the funny post, I'll keep reading!

moonpants said...

I love the signature the most.

jackie said...

That's pretty bad. I have an ACTUALLY scary dog (70 lbs, black, goes nuts when anyone approaches the house) and our mailman always brings stuff to the porch. It's not like the dog can jump through the window...

MTGrace said...

NOTHING worse than someone waking your up from a nap - especially when they're extra annoying!