Monday, July 1, 2013

Friend Request

My memory is non-existent.

I'm not great with people as it is. My husband and I joke that I have that disorder that makes one unable to recognize faces. There are many famous people that own second homes in my town and they are all safe from me because I'm incapable of recognizing them. I was also incapable of identifying my old neighbor unless she was in her home--that was rather embarrassing, there were 3-4 times she said hello to me out in public and I'd be all, "Uh...hi?" until I saw her kid. She just looks like too many other people or something.

So, I have easily forgotten 95% of people from middle school and 85% of people from high school, which makes Facebook challenging.

Here's how my Facebook friend request process goes:

I have a friend request--yay!!

Wait, I don't recognize this person at all. Who in the hell?

Great. This is awkward. Now some creeper has found me, I've never seen this person ever in my whole life. (Studies pictures closer) No, never. Fucking weirdo.

17 friends in common? Fuck. Okay, we all went to high school together so I know this person from high school. (Studies pictures again, scrutinizing for any trace of recognition, trying other last names on the person if they are female.)

Fuck. Well, great. Here I am being a jerk again. This person seems perfectly nice and here I am calling them a creep because I have no idea who they are.

(Report situation to Mr. Ashley, who couldn't care less and advises me to ignore them.)

BUT I FEEL BAD, I explain to him loudly.

(Send childhood best friend a message asking if she knows them, 90% of the time she doesn't either which makes me feel better and worse.)

And then I just give up, deciding that having an awkward semi-stranger in my life is easier than letting them know that I think of them as an awkward semi-stranger and I reluctantly accept their friend request.

And that's why I have people I couldn't pick out of a line up as friends on Facebook.


Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

There is an actual thing (disorder...condition...don't know what it's called) where you don't recognize faces. I saw it on Dateline or something similar so it must be real...right? Anyway, I obviously am am wealth of info. But I do remember that it's a thing.

I have the exact opposite condition. I remember everyone. Plus I remember our conversations verbatim. Going back to pre-school. So I am the always awkward girl who is all like "Hi Ashley, so great to see you again" only to realize you have no bloody clue who I am. But I make things super extra awkward by referencing our convo or when we met only to find that you have no idea what I am talking about.

So just know that I am equally awkward in the other direction.


Julie H said...

I tend to pull out my year book a lot to see what they "used" to look like lol. I had a ton of people added before my high school reunion. One day I decided to take off everyone I didn't talk to and now most of them are gone again. No loss ;)

Anonymous said...

I have this disorder! I am doing good to recognize someone in their typical environment. Move them to the mall or somewhere other than the place I know them from, and I am a complete idiot. This is a terrible condition that there must be a cure for somewhere.