Friday, April 4, 2008
Did you all see
the pregnant man on Oprah yesterday?
Neither did I, because that is a woman.
If you have a vagina, you are a female.
Period.
Neither did I, because that is a woman.
If you have a vagina, you are a female.
Period.
little kid
So little kid is like 18 or 19 months, I'd need to check the babycenter timeline to be sure, but he doesn't do a whole lot of talking. Mostly screaming, shrieking and yelling "MUM", "EAT", or "NO".
The Renee's littlest kid is practically reciting Shakespeare, which is pretty typical of The Renee's kids (except one...he'll catch up, I swear he will) but since he is the exact same age as little kid, this causes me some concern.
I just attempted to have a conversation with little kid that went something like this:
Ashley: Do you like the horsey?
little kid: eeekgiglok geegle mannahanna geen blocka glub glub hiiiiggy hoohoobigglebot. MUUUMMM.
So I was sitting here wondering if maybe he's a little slow or something when it occurred to me that he's probably speaking in tongues.
Being the son of Satan and all, this makes perfect sense.
The Renee's littlest kid is practically reciting Shakespeare, which is pretty typical of The Renee's kids (except one...he'll catch up, I swear he will) but since he is the exact same age as little kid, this causes me some concern.
I just attempted to have a conversation with little kid that went something like this:
Ashley: Do you like the horsey?
little kid: eeekgiglok geegle mannahanna geen blocka glub glub hiiiiggy hoohoobigglebot. MUUUMMM.
So I was sitting here wondering if maybe he's a little slow or something when it occurred to me that he's probably speaking in tongues.
Being the son of Satan and all, this makes perfect sense.
Oh Man
This garage sale stuff is exhausting and it makes it very hard to wallow and/or blog.
People BETTER buy this crap.
Big Kid has locked little kid in the dog cage...and I'm not sure I'm going to get involved in letting him out.
I may take it as an opportunity to hide in the bathroom and read my book.
By the way, for all of you who loved Pillars of Earth....World Without End is just meh. I'm disappointed. It's just not coming together as effortlessly or believably and there's too many war details.
However, it is a welcome distraction when your kids are locking each other in cages and screaming and whatnot.
People BETTER buy this crap.
Big Kid has locked little kid in the dog cage...and I'm not sure I'm going to get involved in letting him out.
I may take it as an opportunity to hide in the bathroom and read my book.
By the way, for all of you who loved Pillars of Earth....World Without End is just meh. I'm disappointed. It's just not coming together as effortlessly or believably and there's too many war details.
However, it is a welcome distraction when your kids are locking each other in cages and screaming and whatnot.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I'm Going to Jail
Ashley: Scootch over, computer time's over, it's my turn.
Big Kid: No. No, you move. Don't you move me. You are a nasty gull. You are gettin' on da computer on my computer time and dat is bery nasty. How about if I dest tuwn da computer off and no one gets to play? How bout dat? Because you are a nasty gull, you said 2 minutes and I said 10 minutes and I don't fink it was eben 2 minutes.
little kid reaches over and turns the computer off.
Big Kid: Yeah, he needs to go to time out. Dat was bad. But now it's my tuwn on da computer. Get up.
Ashley: No. It's my turn. Back off.
Big Kid: Dat's it. You're dest goin' to jail.
Ashley: Jail?
Big Kid: Yep. I'm callin' da policeman right now and you're gonna go to jail.
Ashley: For what?
Big Kid: Bein nasty. I'm gonna tell him you tooked my computer time and he will take you to jail.
(I ignore him)
I dest had an idea. I've got a choice dor you.
We can play spwoutonline.com togethuh. How is dat dor a choice?
Ashley: No.
Big Kid: Why not?
Ashley: Because. It's my turn.
Big Kid: It is your tuwn on spwoutonline.com.
Ashley: No, Sproutonline.com stinks.
Big Kid: No it doesn't. You know it doesn't.
Ashley: It smells like rotten broccoli.
Big Kid: You're not dunny. You should to to jail dest dor sayin' dat. It's not dunny.
(I ignore him, we all know I'm funny.)
I can't believe you dest ewased all my games. To get on your website. I fink Spwoutonline.com is a better choice dan your website.
(more ignoring)
Da policeman is on his way here right now. How do you feel bout goin to jail?
Ashley: Pretty good, pretty good indeed. I can't wait til he gets here.
Big Kid: You're so nasty.
Well, I'm gonna call a policeman and put you in jail and you won't get on your computer anymore. (pacing around, wiping tears away). Dis is not right. You know dis is not right.
(ignoring, ignoring)
Well you took my computer away and you should have to go to your room. Til you go to jail. So dest go. When daddy gets home, you're gonna go in your room and not come out til bedtime.
Ashley: Deal.
Big Kid: No. No, you move. Don't you move me. You are a nasty gull. You are gettin' on da computer on my computer time and dat is bery nasty. How about if I dest tuwn da computer off and no one gets to play? How bout dat? Because you are a nasty gull, you said 2 minutes and I said 10 minutes and I don't fink it was eben 2 minutes.
little kid reaches over and turns the computer off.
Big Kid: Yeah, he needs to go to time out. Dat was bad. But now it's my tuwn on da computer. Get up.
Ashley: No. It's my turn. Back off.
Big Kid: Dat's it. You're dest goin' to jail.
Ashley: Jail?
Big Kid: Yep. I'm callin' da policeman right now and you're gonna go to jail.
Ashley: For what?
Big Kid: Bein nasty. I'm gonna tell him you tooked my computer time and he will take you to jail.
(I ignore him)
I dest had an idea. I've got a choice dor you.
We can play spwoutonline.com togethuh. How is dat dor a choice?
Ashley: No.
Big Kid: Why not?
Ashley: Because. It's my turn.
Big Kid: It is your tuwn on spwoutonline.com.
Ashley: No, Sproutonline.com stinks.
Big Kid: No it doesn't. You know it doesn't.
Ashley: It smells like rotten broccoli.
Big Kid: You're not dunny. You should to to jail dest dor sayin' dat. It's not dunny.
(I ignore him, we all know I'm funny.)
I can't believe you dest ewased all my games. To get on your website. I fink Spwoutonline.com is a better choice dan your website.
(more ignoring)
Da policeman is on his way here right now. How do you feel bout goin to jail?
Ashley: Pretty good, pretty good indeed. I can't wait til he gets here.
Big Kid: You're so nasty.
Well, I'm gonna call a policeman and put you in jail and you won't get on your computer anymore. (pacing around, wiping tears away). Dis is not right. You know dis is not right.
(ignoring, ignoring)
Well you took my computer away and you should have to go to your room. Til you go to jail. So dest go. When daddy gets home, you're gonna go in your room and not come out til bedtime.
Ashley: Deal.
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