Sunday, January 15, 2012

Won't You (Not) Be My Neighbor?

My new neighbor kid is really annoying.

She's 6 and she's really cute to look at...but such a jerk to live next door to.

She knocks like the police. With an insistent persistence that will not go away if you ignore it. At all random times throughout the week. I tell her to go away 9 times out of 10 but she will not be deterred. Once I went outside and told her the boys were riding bikes with their dad.

"Well, when will they be back?"

"I don't know, probably soon. Keep an eye out. From your own yard."

"Well, can you call them?"

"Um, no."

"Can I call them?"

"I don't think he has his phone."

"Imma just gonna yell."

"Okay, do it from your yard."

I went back in and heard her screaming little kid's name for the next 10 minutes. When the boys pulled back into the driveway, she marched over with her arms crossed and confronted them. "Where have you been?!?!" she asked angrily.

"Riding bikes."

"Well, I was calling you!! Didn't you hear me calling you? Geesh. I could've gone too."

Also, someone "accidentally" gets hurt whenever they're playing. And by someone I mean my kids and by accidentally I mean a tennis racket to the face or whatnot.

She also likes to come over and leave a bunch of junk in my yard (she will never play in her own damn yard). She was stringing up pink construction tape across my banyan trees on Christmas eve when I went out and told her to knock it off.

"We're having company tonight, so I don't want that there."

"No, it looks good. I'm decorating for you." She replied.

"I don't want it there and I don't think it looks good."

"It does look good."

"Okay, but I don't want it there."

"Oooookay," like I'm the asshole, "Well, you can easily take it down. Just pull it all down when you're done with it."

"No, you can easily take it down." Stare-off. She did but she was pissed.

The other day they were collecting sticks, boxes and other debris to build a fort in the side yard when Mr. Ashley went out there to ruin their fun.

"I don't want all of this in my yard, you guys need to clean it up."

"We are building a fort!!" She explained, like he was a total dumbass.

"Yeah, well I don't want to clean up your fort, so take it in your own yard."

"Oh...so YOU'RE the one that ruined the last fort! Mmmhmmm."

Sometimes she'll bring over half a cookie to share with little kid, in her grimy little hands usually with dog hair attached. I let him eat it and then tell her to go home. I never let her inside.

Still better than the last neighbors because her mom isn't annoying (other than letting her kid harass us and I'd probably let her roam the streets too if I had a kid like that.) We have a mutual agreement to smile and avoid long conversations and it works out well for both of us. I don't even know her name, and that's fine.

I was feeling a little hurt because the across-the-street neighbor goes to great dramatic lengths never to face in a direction where our eyes may meet. I've lived here since September and never gotten so much as eye contact or a head nod from her. Sometimes when I see her trying to crab walk to her mailbox to avoid eye contact with me, I want to shout, "DON'T HURT YOUR NECK ON ACCOUNT OF ME, I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND EITHER!!!"

But at least her kids aren't pounding at my door at 9 am on a Sunday morning, I guess.

7 comments:

Jules said...

We have a neighbor little girl almost just like that! She just turned 6, my daughter is 7.5. This little girl is not allowed in our house anymore either...she used to come over, tear things up, not put things back and just cause trouble. She is always picking up stuff, looking at it, asking what is THIS? etc. She is out of control and her parents just let her be crazy. If my daughter sees her outside she automatically wants to go play. UGH

Lin said...

Holy cow, what an annoying little girl. I'm so glad we dont have any annoying little kid neighbors, just annoying old people haha.

Jessica said...

We have one of those, too, except ours is a boy. I don't know if his mom doesn't know where he is or doesn't care, but it's sooo annoying. We haven't had to deal with him for a while because I was on bedrest in the fall and now it's cold so no one's playing outside now, but we actually had to put a lock on our fence because he was going in when we weren't home and playing with our crap and taking it home with him. He isn't allowed to come inside anymore because a) he would lie when we asked if his mom knew where he was and b) he would make a mess then have to "go home" until he thought the mess was cleaned up, then he'd show up again. We can no longer leave the front door open or unlocked because he'll just walk in like he owns the place. One night he came over at 9 PM and started to knock on the door. His mom was on top of things that time and he got spanked. Actually I think that might have been the last time he came over.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

and I'd probably let her roam the streets too if I had a kid like that. LMAO too funny!

clare said...

I don't get it. We had a neighbor just like that. She was constantly knocking on the door. Her parents at one point told us that they knew she could be annoying and we should just tell her to go home if she was getting on our nerves. Why can't they just supervise their own kid?!!! As far as the questioning goes, that is crazy. I don't even like it when my own kids keep questioning me!

Jennifer said...

Haha- we have one of those that lives down the street. But we live on the corner and after I finally banished her from my house and yard, now she just comes and stands on the corner of my yard at the fence and yells in to my kids the whole time they are outside. I can't make her move because she is on a public street. I can't put up a privacy fence because we are on a corner and there is some stupid code or something, and I can't make her disappear because... well... then I would be on the news- and I hate my picture taken.

Izzy said...

Ha, love this!!! We end up with all the neighbor kid's crap in our yard, too. Sometimes kids are frustrating :)