My new neighbor kid is really annoying.
She's 6 and she's really cute to look at...but such a jerk to live next door to.
She knocks like the police. With an insistent persistence that will not go away if you ignore it. At all random times throughout the week. I tell her to go away 9 times out of 10 but she will not be deterred. Once I went outside and told her the boys were riding bikes with their dad.
"Well, when will they be back?"
"I don't know, probably soon. Keep an eye out. From your own yard."
"Well, can you call them?"
"Can I call them?"
"I don't think he has his phone."
"Imma just gonna yell."
"Okay, do it from your yard."
I went back in and heard her screaming little kid's name for the next 10 minutes. When the boys pulled back into the driveway, she marched over with her arms crossed and confronted them. "Where have you been?!?!" she asked angrily.
"Well, I was calling you!! Didn't you hear me calling you? Geesh. I could've gone too."
Also, someone "accidentally" gets hurt whenever they're playing. And by someone I mean my kids and by accidentally I mean a tennis racket to the face or whatnot.
She also likes to come over and leave a bunch of junk in my yard (she will never play in her own damn yard). She was stringing up pink construction tape across my banyan trees on Christmas eve when I went out and told her to knock it off.
"We're having company tonight, so I don't want that there."
"No, it looks good. I'm decorating for you." She replied.
"I don't want it there and I don't think it looks good."
"It does look good."
"Okay, but I don't want it there."
"Oooookay," like I'm the asshole, "Well, you can easily take it down. Just pull it all down when you're done with it."
"No, you can easily take it down." Stare-off. She did but she was pissed.
The other day they were collecting sticks, boxes and other debris to build a fort in the side yard when Mr. Ashley went out there to ruin their fun.
"I don't want all of this in my yard, you guys need to clean it up."
"We are building a fort!!" She explained, like he was a total dumbass.
"Yeah, well I don't want to clean up your fort, so take it in your own yard."
"Oh...so YOU'RE the one that ruined the last fort! Mmmhmmm."
Sometimes she'll bring over half a cookie to share with little kid, in her grimy little hands usually with dog hair attached. I let him eat it and then tell her to go home. I never let her inside.
Still better than the last neighbors because her mom isn't annoying (other than letting her kid harass us and I'd probably let her roam the streets too if I had a kid like that.) We have a mutual agreement to smile and avoid long conversations and it works out well for both of us. I don't even know her name, and that's fine.
I was feeling a little hurt because the across-the-street neighbor goes to great dramatic lengths never to face in a direction where our eyes may meet. I've lived here since September and never gotten so much as eye contact or a head nod from her. Sometimes when I see her trying to crab walk to her mailbox to avoid eye contact with me, I want to shout, "DON'T HURT YOUR NECK ON ACCOUNT OF ME, I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND EITHER!!!"
But at least her kids aren't pounding at my door at 9 am on a Sunday morning, I guess.