Yesterday I had neighbor girls pounding on my door (none of these girls knock like civilized people. I think the SWAT team is here at least twice a week) requesting the presence of my sons. I sent them out but noticed people running through my yard screaming about two minutes later.
little kid burst through the kitchen door, red faced and sweaty. "The gulls got my brudder and they're making him be a Prince in a Cinderella play," he gasped.
"Really? Wow. I can't believe you're not out there. I bet that's something to see."
"Are you kiddin' me? I can't risk it!"
"Then get your sword and shield and go defend his honor. What kind of brother are you?" He looked skeptical. "For real, get out of the house, I don't care what you do out there but I don't want you in here."
He left and I heard more screaming and saw more running through my yard.
The boys came in later out of breath. "It's lunch time for them, but it was our opportunity to escape!" Big Kid declared.
"Escape? You should like it! Katy and I used to make Tommy Joe be the groom in our fake weddings. Like, every day. For years." To the song "Faith" by George Michael, but I didn't tell them that because they don't know the awesomeness that was George Michael (prior to the public masturbation days, of course).
"And he liked it?!? If he liked it, that's good for him. We don't like it."
"I don't know if he liked it, but he did it."
"We dislike it," Big Kid said emphatically.
The girls showed up again later, having multiplied to a total of 5 and begged for the boys to come out, and again they went. Reluctantly. Just a little reluctantly, though.
But again the girls offended their very male sensibilities and they returned and refused to come back out again, telling the girls they would be playing video games and that was that.
And then the mom of the other neighborhood girl (little kid's love interest aka the Hacker from the post below) called and said she had a friend spending the night and the girls wanted to walk down and say hi to little kid and was that okay?
FIRST GRADE. He is 6, and had a total of 7 girls over here looking for him throughout the day.
They did walk over and Mr. Ashley heard the other neighbor girls discussing and analyzing this betrayal, wondering exactly how the new girls had lured him back out.
And then I sent everyone home as soon as humanly possible and began very seriously worrying about the years to come.