Thursday, February 24, 2011

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Well, it's official. Big Kid will no longer hold my hand in public. 

It took me a while to notice; I'd reach down for his hand and find it unavailable, either hanging too low or swinging too hard or he'd start walking faster or slower. But one day my hand searched around for his hand and I realized he was pulling it away from me. 

"Oh, do you not want to hold hands?" I asked. 

"'s just....not in public, mom."

I tried not to look sad (but it makes me want to cry a little bit just typing about it now.)  "Oh, so I'm not cool enough anymore?" I attempted to joke. 

He felt bad and I felt bad for making him feel bad. "Mom, I just...uh--we can if you want to. If you really want to." 

"Nah, it's cool. I'm good." I said, while my heart broke into 10 million pieces.

If 7 is about maximum hand holding age, that means I only have maybe 3 years left of hand holding. I love the feel of their dry, warm little hands holding mine. The lack of hand holding hadn't occurred to me during my many "time is passing too quickly" freak outs. 

He still holds little kid's hand; in fact, he insists upon it. little kid is NOT allowed in a parking lot, not even a completely vacant one, without holding Big Kid's hand. If Mr. Ashley is holding a sleeping little kid, Big Kid will still insist on holding his hand in case Mr. Ashley shows a lapse of judgment and puts him down. Despite little kid fighting not to hold hands and us telling him it's not necessary, Big Kid thinks it's necessary and that's what happens. So it's not hand holding in general, it's just me. 

It's just not cool to hold mom's hand in public anymore.

So I guess we'll have to hold hands in the privacy of our own home which is a little weird, but I'll take what I can get while I can get it. 


JulieStyles said...

I remember when my "big kid" who is nearly 13 wouldn't hold my hand anymore-I was sad too. Then when he got tall enough I wrapped my arm across his shoulder, which he didn't seem to mind. My "little kid" who just turned 11 will still hold my hand in public-but he's a cuddle bug. They both still hit me up for hugs at home all the time-especially when I have 3 burners going and I'm trying to cook dinner...boys!

Jennifer said...

But what about kisses? You still get kisses right?

Theresa said...

oh, the heartache. Mine is about to turn 7 and he's already shunned my hand.

Lin said...

Aw I'm sorry he's getting to that age where it's not cool to do things with your mom. Just remember, it's not because he doesnt love you. He's just gotta look cool that all :)

Anonymous said...

I remember my husband telling me this story - just for fun, when our son was around 12 or so, they were crossing a busy street. My husband took his hand to see what he'd do. The son laughed, and then took his hand away. Clearly, 12 is too old for hand holding, but 7 still seems so young!!

Sarahviz said...

I tell my boyz, "You ALWAYS have to hold your mother's hand." It's my rule. Even when they turn 16 dammit.

Renee said...

Sniff sniff. :( So sad. That's sweet that BK still holds lk's hand though. :)

-The Renee