In a moment of questionable parenting tonight while we were out to dinner, I told Big Kid a "your momma" joke. To be fair, I think being his momma and telling a your momma joke makes it okay, but Mr. Ashley didn't think so.
"Seriously, Ashley? I don't think we need to get that started."
"Oh, you want 'your mom' jokes? Your momma's so fat I tried to walk around her and got lost twice. Your momma's so ugly when she went to Japan on vacation, they started yelling 'Godzilla!'. Your momma's so big when she stomped on a quarter, a booger came out of George Washington's nose..." Big Kid went on to list a string of "your momma" jokes, barely taking a breath as he went down his list.
Mr. Ashley and I looked at each other in shock at first, but I'll confess we were truly laughing our asses off about halfway in. I don't care if that's inappropriate, it was hilarious. Add it to my list of parenting fails but hot damn it was funny. I did point out to Mr. Ashley that it turned out I had done no damage at all with my one "your momma" joke.
(And don't worry, I did redeem myself as a parent by telling him that he was NOT to use "your momma" jokes on others...unless they used a "your momma" joke on his momma first.)
Later we were discussing Words with Friends and I told Big Kid I'd have to arrange it so he could play against me through Facebook.
"Let's play on your phone, mom," he suggested.
"You can only play on an iPhone or droid, Big Kid. I don't have no iPhone."
Mr. Ashley sighed because he knew what was coming, because I recite this same refrain any time an apple commercial comes on or any mention of an apple product is made.
"I don't gots no iPhone. I don't gots no iPad. I don't gots no iPod even. I don't gots no iAnything. I sure wish I did, though."
"You're going to get an iPatch if you keep it up," Mr. Ashley replied.
Also at dinner, little kid declared that he would grow up to be an artist who only paints pictures of people with hairy eyeballs.
It was a really good night at dinner.