Wednesday, September 11, 2013


The Boy Scouts post reminded me of a conversation I had with Big Kid when we went out of town to the waterpark.

Despite being one of the most caring and empathetic people I've ever met, Big Kid has never had a strong opinion on the subject of gay marriage. The thought made him wrinkle his nose a bit. He once asked why they needed to get married, and I asked why any of us needed to get married. I reminded him that our incredibly intelligent and well-loved friend Edward is gay, has been with his partner for 20 years, and asked if that bothered him? That Edward has found the love of his life, and it's another male? No, he agreed that didn't bother him, but quickly changed the subject.

So I was hesitant when he started with, "Mom, I don't want to be offensive but--about gay people?"


"Who even cares?"

"A lot of people care, Big Kid. If people didn't care, nothing would ever happen. If people didn't care, I still wouldn't be allowed to vote and your school wouldn't allow black kids."

"No, I mean who cares that they're gay? I've been thinking about it and who cares? How do people even have time to get on Facebook or Youtube and complain about who other people want to love?"

"Oh. Yeah. Good question. I'm not sure why they care, I guess it scares them. Also, many think it goes against their religion."

"What scares them? That they will have to turn gay? Because they won't. Gay people just want to be normal, they're not looking for everyone to be gay. Not everyone is in their religion."

"Right. Exactly. But it's different and some are slow to evolve. You know how you were a little squicked out about gay marriage at first?"

"Yeah, but I feel bad about that. I've been thinking and I don't care. It's not my business who they love."

"Exactly. That's great! Gay people aren't trying to annoy or bother the rest of us, they just want to be accepted--I think that's what everyone wants. To just feel normal."

"You know what I think is the worst thing about being a human being?"


"How badly we treat our own kind."

Damn. That is some poignant shit for a 10 year old. It gave me goosebumps.

"Me too. That's why we have to not be those people, and even more so, why we have to speak up when we see people being treated badly."

"If I have kids and they are gay, I might be a little sad because of how bad other people are but I would love them still."

"Me too," I said. "If you or your brother ever had feelings like that, it would not be a blip on my radar. I truly love you both regardless and I want you to be whatever you want to be. If other people were bad to you, I'd beat them down. Do you mind if I ask what inspired all of this thinking?"

"The Macklemore song."

Ahhhhhh. Macklemore. This totally makes up for the time you had him saying, "Damn, that's a cold-ass honky."

I never thought I'd be thanking Macklemore for being the catalyst of a very insightful conversation.


Jamie said...

I cannot believe how introspective BK is. He is already an amazing kid and has endless potential as he grows <3 Love that kid - in a plutonic way.

Caitlin said...

That song by Macklemore makes me tear up every damn time. Socially conscious rap music, FINALLY.

Big Kid seems like a really awesome person, and at 10 already intellectually further along than far too many adults.

Lisa said... oughta do a past-life regression on Big Kid to see where he gets his wisdom! He's got insight beyond his years.

Unknown said...

He is deep and always has been, he's such a good person.

When he was really little he would sometimes say things like, "In my old life" or "At my old job" but he didn't say it in a silly way, it would just kind of slip.

I think his intelligence is mostly emotional. It makes life difficult for him at times, too, he's said he wishes he could feel less.

Stacey said...

I love Big Kid. I hope my kids are able to express themselves like him someday. (And they are right around his age, one older, one younger, and one the same age, I think.) Heck, I hope I can express myself as well as he does someday.

eileen c. said...

I have not seen this yet, thanks and thanks to Big Kid, love it! and for what it's worth, check out 4-H, diverse, family oriented, includes everyone, not just boys or den moms or dads, but the whole family. such a wonderful organization, "To Make The Best Better" sounds like a motto your son could get behind!

Jamie said...

I was SUPER feel-y when I was younger, too. It felt like a burden sometimes but then I'd think - if I wasn't that way what would I be - uncaring and stoic? no thanks. When I think back now - I think at his age I was emotional about everything and it was so overwhelming. As I've gotten older I feel like I am able to place that emotion into more important things that every situation that comes along.

Would SO love to hear about him doing a regression!

Unknown said...

I always explain him as having Ferrari-engine feelings in a VW Beetle body. The power and potential is awesome but his inability and inexperience make it feel out of control.

Eileen, 4-H around here seems to be primarily about livestock but I'm going to look into that, you're the second person who has recommended it to me.

mom said...

so, in other words, you feel about your children like I feel about mine. There is nothing they could do to make me love them any less or to not be there to support them no matter what life brings, even when one can handle life so much better than the other. No Matter What. That is how a real mom feels.

Julie H said...

It's a great song. Great for opening up dialog too!

Your son is so advanced for his age. Mine is just worried about when the new Pokemon game comes out.