Harold Hubert Piggybottom

On Thanksgiving day, we came home and found the following letter on our door:

Dear Masters Big Kid and little kid:

Salutations and season’s greetings to you, my friends! It is getting extra chilly and very busy up here in the North Pole and we are all working very hard to meet our Christmas Day deadline. 

Due to changes in population and policy, I have had great difficulty monitoring behavior for 2010. Mrs. Claus came up with the wonderful idea of sending elves out to some families for the month of December; the elves could use a little vacation (and warm weather with you lucky Florida folks!) and I could certainly use the additional help. 

You have been assigned a very special elf and I hope you are up to the challenge! Harold Hubert Piggybottom is a charming and mischievous fellow…and the mischief is the problem. Harold is on probation, if you will. After repeated incidents, the Head Elf has decided that Christmas preparations would run more smoothly without Harold “helping”, so he has been assigned to do behavior reporting. We are confident that he will not be a problem—but if he is, please don’t hesitate to contact me or Mrs. Claus and we will see about sending out a replacement elf. You will be receiving a Satisfaction Survey along with a summary of your behavior reports, please be kind and fill it out so we can help our elves improve! You may want to keep notes on your experiences in order to accurately complete the survey.

Harold Hubert Piggybottom will be arriving sometime on December 1, 2010. He has strict instructions to be on his best behavior and I hope you will be on your best behavior as well. I am eager to get some positive reports back and I know you are very good boys. I only ask that you NOT touch Harold. Harold Hubert Piggybottom’s magical spirit is inside of an elf-shaped doll and handling the elf will ruin his magic. If you do touch him, he will need to be returned to the North Pole for refurbishing. We do not have time to do elf refurbishing in the month of December, so if you touch Harold you may be without an elf for the rest of the holiday season and that would be unfortunate for everyone. Adults may touch Harold if absolutely necessary; they are mostly immune to magic and won’t tarnish Harold’s. 

Thank you so much for hosting Harold Hubert Piggybottom in your home. I wish you a healthy, happy holiday season…and the best of luck in dealing with Harold.

                                                                                    Ho Ho Ho,

                                                                                   Santa Claus

The boys were very excited. There was much discussion about how the elf would behave, what hosting an elf would involve, how and when he would arrive, how careful they would be not to touch it, etc. I grumbled about getting a naughty elf assigned to us and swore I would send him back if he was more than I could handle. We looked for him first thing this morning but couldn't find an elf anywhere.

Tonight I realized we had forgotten to do the advent calendar so I told the boys to open the first door and Big Kid found 2 little toilets and a note inside. "Where's the chocolate I put in there?" I asked. "What are those and where did they come from? You two know I don't like potty humor! Did you eat the chocolate?"

Before he even read the note, Big Kid (who is normally very fond of potty humor) was furious. He knew That Elf had done this. "HOW DARE HE TAKE MY CHOCOLATE AND LEAVE A TOILET!! This is wrong! It's not right!!"

little kid was curious and amused.

The note read:

I am here. But where? 

Ready to meet you, with heart and soul

Hanging out somewhere sort of like the North Pole

Fondly,

Harold Hubert Piggybottom

Big Kid stormed to the freezer and flung the door open, calming down only slightly when he saw that the elf had his chocolates in there.

"It's still not right that he taked our chocolates! I'm writin' a letter to Santa right now! I'm gonna put it in a envelope and stick a stamp on there and mail it to the North Pole. He needs to know!" He stomped to the office to get paper and a pen.

"Mama, can I make a pwesent for Ha-old? Usin' paper? 'Cuz I want him to like me. I like him," little kid asked. I said that he could.

Big Kid's letter said:

Dear Santa,

Hubert Harold Piggybottom swapped our chocolates in our treat count down with stupid rubber toilets. You better give us a better elf next year!

Sincerely,
Mad Big Kid

P.S. I do not care if Piggybottom feels bad about it.

Seeing that this situation was quickly spiraling out of control, I sided with our creepy and inappropriate elf friend for a moment and pointed out that Harold probably thought the whole thing would be funny; that I didn't like potty humor and they did so maybe he was trying to get on their good sides. And after all, he hadn't taken the chocolate. I agreed that we needed to mention this on our elf satisfaction survey, so Harold can do better next year but I wasn't convinced that the ranting and raving was necessary just yet.

By this time, little kid had drawn an elf picture and shoved the paper into the Christmas tree and somehow  smeared chocolate all over his tiny toilet, which he then happily licked off. This was one of the most revolting sights I've ever seen and his toilet now has bite marks in it.

At bed time Big Kid said, "Hey mom? I might like Harold. It's too soon to tell but maybe he's okay."

"Good. I think it could be fun." I answered.

"I'm still tellin' Santa about the toilet thing though."

I'm hoping tomorrow with Harold will go a little better.

(But Big Kid will probably never forgive him for the toilet trick.)

Wanted: Harold Hubert Piggybottom

Well, the holidays are upon us.

(How?!? How on earth is this possible? We just did this, people! And I like the holidays, I just need more time in between. A year isn't enough these days.)

The kids have been eagerly awaiting the arrival of our elf, Harold Hubert Piggybottom. They were positive he would arrive December 1st and when he didn't, there was some concern. By December 2nd they were positively morose, despite me telling them that Harold was probably extremely busy...and possibly really worn out from last year still. Maybe Harold was coming later in the month. On December 3rd, Big Kid sadly said, "Maybe I'm just too old for an elf."

ಠ_ಠ

I said maybe we'd get a new elf, a sweet elf that just hangs out not doing much. 

They both made it clear that they wanted Harold and only Harold.

Sigh. Oh, Harold. Why did you have to be so...active? You should have been a normal, quiet elf, Harold. You should be an example to other elf foster parents everywhere, Harold.

I urged the boys to write a letter to Santa, maybe they would get some clarification on whatever was going on or perhaps Harold was MIA, sneaky little punk that he can be. Then we would mail it and it would take a while for it to get there and for a response to be returned to us.

The letter says:

Dear Santa Claus,
We are wondering if Harold is coming to our house. He didn't come the 1st, the 2nd or even today. We are getting worried, could you please send him soon, please? We understand if he's too busy working with Rudolph, Comet or Vixen or Dancer, Prancer or any of the other reindeer.

Cheers

Unedited exclusive

(Big Kid was supposed to be born Canadian, I swear. "Uh, we really want our elf...but if you need him, that's cool, sorry, cheers!")

They were pretty irritated that the North Pole takes a long time to respond, but they finally got a reply. I would take a photo but my phone just doesn't want to, so whatever. There's letterhead and quality paper and everything, folks.

Season's greetings! Thank you for inquiring about Harold Hubert Piggybottom, we are quite relieved to hear you are looking forward to his arrival.

There was an incident with the reindeer that has forced us to reassign Harold to the mailroom and due to the high volume of incoming Christmas lists, mailroom elves are not sent out until the 10th of December. I apologize for not getting this information out to you sooner and for any concern it may have caused...we have had quite the hectic month up here.

We must request that you not keep Red Bull or other energy drinks in your home this season, if at all possible. Harold fed Red Bull to the reindeer one night with near disastrous consequences; the sleigh is simply not calibrated to handle that type of velocity. Can you imagine a team of 9 flying reindeer hopped up on caffeine? No, no you can't. Rudolph's nose was lit up for a solid week! It was awful, the stable master may never forgive him. Harold claims he was trying to improve productivity, but he was fascinated with the Felix Baumgarten space jump. Anyway, we strongly advise you to avoid it. And the warning from last year about power tools still stands. As you know, Harold loves Christmas and has a very good heart but sometimes makes questionable choices. Please be a good influence on him with your own excellent behavior.

Again, we greatly appreciate your continued participation in the Elf Live in Foster Service. Harold enjoys his time with your family and the Florida weather agrees with him. And we get a lot done around here in his absence!

Please keep an eye out for his arrival. Or should I say up?

Fa La La La La, La La La La,
Bristol Pinelin Treebright

So, it looks like Harold's coming back.

Which is wonderful, because who doesn't need even more magic during the holiday season? Hmm? Right? It will be awesome, I'm sure. Really. I can't wait to see his creepy little face again. Can. Not. Wait.

Yippee.

Merry Christmas.

(Here's the history of Harold Hubert Piggybottom, in case you're new.)

Harold Hubert Piggybottom Returns

Look who we found tangled up in the carport yesterday morning!

 Harold Hubert Piggybottom, the same naughty Christmas elf we got last year. I was hoping we'd get the nice type who baked cookies and cleaned the house, but no such luck.

He came with the following letter:

(This was the letterhead, I'm scanning it in for you):

Season’s greetings!  Thank you for your participation in the Elf Live-in Foster Service (E.L.F.S). You have been assigned Harold Hubert Piggybottom for your second consecutive year.  Since you reported good behavior from Harold, it was determined that your family was a positive fit for him and we appreciate you welcoming him into your home.  You are obviously a good influence because Harold exhibits some minor behavioral problems while at home in the North Pole; he has recently been moved from the toy workshop to the reindeer stables after a near disastrous incident with the bouncy ball making machine.  Luckily, he is better with animals than he was with tools.  (Note: You may want to secure all power tools and heavy machinery for the duration of his visit.) Anyway, we were delighted to hear of his good behavior during your visit last year.

But despite his mischief,  as you know, Harold is a good elf with a good heart and he does love Christmas. Please remember not to touch Harold or he may lose his magic, and don’t forget that he will not perform magic when being watched.  Santa will collect him on Christmas Eve and will leave your E.L.F.S. experience survey at that time -- your honest input is important so we can continue to make appropriate elf placement and evaluate each elf’s participation in the program.

Happy holidays and enjoy your elf visit.



Joyfully Yours,


          Bristol Pinelin Treebright
         Chief Elf Officer of E.L.F.S.

(The kids lied about his behavior on the survey last year, because it wasn't that great.)

Last night he painted a Christmas tree (we think because ours isn't up yet) AND he got the glitter out. NO ONE touches the glitter. No one. Not even me.

And yes, that is a tree frog in a paper towel paint smock there in the corner. I don't understand it either.

I think it's important to be honest on the satisfaction survey so we can hopefully get a sweet housekeeping elf next year, but the kids love this little troublemaker and I might be stuck with him forever.

The Great Elf on the Shelf Break-Up

The elf on the shelf--it began easily enough: a flurry of  imagination and excitement, visions of a new avenue to pave with fond family memories. And so year after year, this delightful little visitor would show up to make mirth, merriment and messes in my home during the busiest of seasons. His antics were great fun, and all of the labor that went into his amusing tableaus was absolutely worth the joy it brought.

Eventually, it was less fun though.

So many December nights of sleep interrupted with a start--had he moved? What would he do next? Did he have to?

So many tired mornings where his creativity was awarded with a cursory glance and barely a comment before the day began.

So many craft supplies. Glitter can kiss my ass, for real, yo.

And so this year, when thinking of Christmas, Harold Hubert Piggybottom was no longer a tradition that made me light up with holiday excitement. At all. There was some mention of his possible arrival from my 8-year-old and I listened with trepidation to these requests, and tried to gauge their sincerity. My 11-year-old was media blackout-style quiet at any mention of Santa or elves, his silence saying more than words could.

I wondered if the ELFS program was a good idea. I wondered if we could un-enroll. I wondered if our Christmas tradition had the potential to ruin Christmas for one of us. I wondered if Santa answered adult wishes, namely the one where he doesn't send a miniature terrorist to my home to create more work for me every single night. I wondered so many things because that is what my brain does, wonders and wonders and wonders.

And then Christmas magic happened.

We arrived home from having after school ice cream to find a package on our doorstep.

 Both kids started cheering that it must be Harold, since the package was so festive and had his name on it, and I was really nervous for what was to come next.

Once the sack was opened, a balloon floated out with a scroll tied to its end. The scroll said:

Season's greetings! For years now, you have been outstanding members of the E.L.F.S (Elf Live-in Foster Service) program: always willing to share your home, accepting and patient even with one of our more challenging elves, and a shining example of good behavior to Harold Hubert Piggybottom, aforementioned challenging elf. We are so fortunate to have children like you welcoming the magic of Christmas in such an intrusive, and often messy, way. We have learned so much about your family, culture, and the lives of modern children through your participation--and, let's face it, we got a lot done without Harold around. If you think he's challenging for a few weeks, imagine what we deal with the rest of the year! You have been amazing hosts.

 Anyway, we are honoured and excited to announce that this year marks a very special occasion for the McCann brothers. Due to your kindness, diligence, respect for others, and believing natures, you have both been awarded an honorary elfship and have graduated from the ELFS program. What does this mean, you ask?

Well, in order to qualify, nominees had to be in the top 5% of children for good behavior this year. That's WORLDWIDE! You scored in the 96.7 percentile collectively, which is extraordinary. Congratulations on your secured places on the nice list!

(Please open the enclosed gifts before continuing.)

At this point they paused and opened the boxes.

And found silver coins nestled within (within Easter grass, which is STRICTLY forbidden in this house, even more so than glitter. Seriously, Santa?).

There was some hushed awe as they flipped them over in their hands and marveled at the weight. I continued reading:

 These silver coins are tokens from Saint Nicholas himself (currently known as Santa Claus--modern times forced an image re-branding). In the days of olde, he used to leave tokens like these in the shoes of children to spread the spirit of magic, joy, and love every Christmas Eve. Your job as honorary elves is to continue to practice the spirit of kindness and giving to spread peace on earth. It is essential that the children on the good list help establish our future through their strong leadership skills and we know the McCann brothers are up to the job.

(Yes, it's real silver. Try not to pawn the spirit of Christmas, though, okay? Santa hates seeing these things on ebay.)

Your honorary elf names are Tippy Tannerick Trueluck and Chip Chaseton Chariot. We don't expect you to put that on your driver's license or anything; it's a designation similar to when the Queen of England knights rock stars, and does not afford you lodging or employment at the North Pole.

I'm sure you are wondering what this means for your friend Harold Hubert. Well, we are also proud to announce that other than an "accidental" incident with a silly string machine (please note: we are no longer gifting silly string or any variation thereof due to its high flammability rating), his behavior has been exemplary. He has been nominated as community leader and will be the co-pilot for this year's present drop, which is a great honor. His excitement is infectious, we are all hopeful and optimistic about his new role!

Harold loves you both and has vowed to verify your names on the nice list each year, but I have to confess that as of now, Harold isn't allowed near the lists so I'm not sure why he promised that. But maybe one day, right? (Note to self: double check the security of the list vault.)

One last thing, your confidentiality in this matter is of the utmost importance. If other children knew about this honor, their behavior may be influenced for the sake of a prize which is not true niceness, so we ask that you not share this exciting news with your classmates or online. You may tell adults, as most have lost their magic and may not believe you anyway, which is an unfortunate symptom of growing up. As honorary elves, we know that you will become the type of adults who help keep magic alive.

Thank you for inviting us into your delightful home. Please continue to make life magical. Harold Hubert Piggybottom will always live on in your hearts and will be watching...from a safe distance. Have the merriest of Christmases, this year and always.

                                                                    

"Wow," I concluded. "This is insane, I've never heard of anything like it. The top 5%? Wow, you guys, congratulations. That silver coin is amazing."

"I'm pawning mine on eBay," Big Kid stated, as I gave him a look he ignored.

"Dude, this is a collectible. You sell it on eBay and you'll get the value of the silver but if you hold on to this thing, bro, it's gonna be worth a ton of cash some day. I wonder when our elf is coming?" little kid said.

My heart sunk a bit. I thought the message had been clear. "Uh, I don't think an elf is coming," I picked up the scroll again. "It says you've graduated, I think that indicates that you've moved beyond needing an elf--"

"Well, that's sad." His face fell.

"But you got the silver," I reminded him.

"Yes!!" His smile returned. "Now I will get silver every year, probably with a different design on it. That's a pretty good deal."

"Well, I don't know. I'm not sure you get the silver every year."

"Oh, I'm sure that I do. It's like a special club. Where you get silver every year."

"Hmm." Okay, I reminded myself, it's a small price to pay.

"I'll sell mine on eBay every year," Big Kid said again.

"Then I bet you won't get more than one because it said not to sell them on eBay," I said, with a hard edge in my voice. He smirked at me.

"Now I KNOW Santa is real because there is no way parents could get their hands on a collectible like this," little kid said with wonder in his voice, turning the coin over in his hand again before shining it on his shirt. "It's going to be so hard not to tell the other kids but I don't think we should, bro. But I don't think anyone in my class is in the club, because they would've told me. Mom, can I write Santa a thank you note?"

I told him he could. I wanted to write him one as well.

It said:  

Neither child liked their honorary elf name. The silver has been mentioned a few times since the arrival of the package, but the elf has not.

                                      
And that's how we broke up with our elf on the shelf. Our time with Harold was magical and I don't regret it--I'm just happy the relationship ended before the magic did.

Click here to read more about our life with Harold Hubert Piggybottom.

Harold Hubert Piggybottom: Days 4-12

I'm sorry I fell off the wagon in reporting Harold Hubert Piggybottom the Christmas elf's shenanigans. He's been quite busy; in fact, I think he's starting to look a little bit tired. I bet next year the Christmas elves get dispatched much closer to Christmas--it's a long time to be away from home and so active.

So to get us caught up, Harold:

Decorated a miniature Christmas tree! Big Kid was not impressed that Tinkerbell was present and predicted that Harold was always going to be doing things with dumb ol' Tinkerbell from now on and thought that would be gross and boring. Luckily, Harold proved him wrong and stopped the womanizing.

 Played army men! We were particularly impressed that he was wearing GI Joe's camo pants and helmet. GI Joe wasn't looking so happy about it though and is probably still naked.

 Hung from the ceiling fan! That night Big Kid called me in excitedly to point out that with the light on, the shadow Harold made looked exactly like a reindeer. I was doubtful--but then I could totally see what he was talking about! Real live Christmas magic there.

 Went fishing! little kid loved this one, especially since Harold used a real sharp hook. It was a safety pin but I guess the danger factor was impressive to little kid. He was also thrilled to see that he had caught one.

Brought chocolates! And made a mess out of wrapping paper. Harold does not magically clean up the messes that he magically makes, which is pretty annoying of him.

 

Made snow angels! Out of flour. The same day I vacuumed. little kid had just been talking about snow angels earlier that day though and was impressed that Harold was listening. 

 Joined us for breakfast! Harold brought his own little bowl of cereal and milk and toast. He also had a teensy black fly in his spoon.

 Read How the Grinch Stole Christmas! Later that night Big Kid carefully slid it from underneath Harold's hands to read it to little kid.

 So, things were going pretty well with Harold until yesterday when they found him hanging on the advent calendar. Everyone was pretty unimpressed with his creativity for that morning...until Big Kid opened the #12 drawer and found mini toilet plungers, toilet paper rolls and pieces of fake poo!! Isn't that horrible?!? What kind of elf is this? Big Kid wanted to hang him on the dart board and throw darts at him but I think we need to report it to Santa. What if he pulls this kind of behavior in the house of a toddler? little kid thinks it's funny and hopes we can get Harold back next year.

 Big Kid and I aren't so sure.

Harold Hubert Piggybottom: Day 2

Good news! Today was a better day with Harold Hubert Piggybottom.

First thing this morning (and I mean first thing), I heard excited gasps and bare feet running toward my room.

"Mom! Moooooom! Harold's done something good! He's having a snowball fight with some of the other toys," Big Kid said.

"It's snowing outside?" I asked, wishing I hadn't stayed up so late.

"No! In the kitchen!" little kid replied.

"It's snowing in the kitchen?"

"No!" they both exclaimed.

"Are snowballs melting on my counter?"

"No, it's just marshmallows mom but you gotta come see. It's so cute!"

"That elf better not have attracted any ants!" Luckily, he had not. And he brought hot chocolate, on our coldest day of the year so far.

 So Harold is back in Big Kid's good graces (for now). 

My cat is also pretty grateful for the few marshmallows she was able to scrounge

Hopefully Harold can keep up the good work.

Christmas Magic

This has been the craziest holiday season ever. It's Christmas Eve, and I still don't even own wrapping paper. I'm hosting this year too...hope people are ready to sit on laundry and eat cookie dough straight from the tube because that's about what I can offer at this point.

(Just kidding, in a desperate and heroic act, I took all of the laundry to the laundromat to catch up. While there I was invited to have a Corona, to go out salsa dancing, and proposed to so that was exciting despite having to turn all of those kind offers down, since I had the kids with me. My guests will sit on clean laundry, though, at least.)

Friday was a completely exhausting day, I had little kid's Christmas musical (so sweet. I ugly cried as is tradition), I had to assist a yoga class (I did okay but felt like a creepy weirdo because getting all up on sweaty strangers will do that to you), and ended up with three amazing job opportunities--all unrelated to one another and completely out of left field too. I feel grateful but also a little bit like, "Whoa there, universe! Slow down!" I still haven't figured out what to do about these job offers, but it's a nice position to be in.

Then once I finally reunited with my couch, Mr. Ashley walked in. He was carrying a plastic bin. Inside of the bin was my Christmas gift:

To say she was a surprise would be a ginormous understatement. She was such a surprise that it took a few minutes to get myself together enough to express joy because my tired brain was too confused to make the right faces.

I named her Lola Artemis. She's only 6 weeks old, and she is teensy and sweet. No one but me likes the middle name Artemis, and I like that, because it proves she is MINE. I love her! So do the cats.

I know a lot of you have been wondering about our elf, Harold Hubert Piggybottom. To be honest, in my heart of hearts, I was kind of hoping he would die in a tragic reindeer-related accident this year. I asked the kids what they thought about Harold this year--would he come or was it time to let him move on to another family? Big Kid agreed it was time to let him move on. little kid got upset and swore it wouldn't be Christmas without him.

Sigh.

And little kid got his Christmas wish, late because Harold works in the mail room and those elves don't get as much time off, but Harold did come...in like a wrecking ball:

 

 He carried a note:

little kid loved that. I don't like toilet humor, so I didn't like it.

The next night he was good, just hanging out with Lola. But maybe I forgot to take a picture. I might have been super tired that night.


But then he saran wrapped the toilet, which could have been a disaster had little kid had one of his sleep walking episodes.

The night after that, he used my cell phone to take a sELFie. Weirdo.

And then he insulted Big Kid by replacing him in the family Christmas card:

The night before Christmas Eve, Big Kid mentioned that they hadn't gotten the videos about whether they were on the naughty or nice list. He seemed genuinely concerned. I was surprised. I looked at him searchingly and said, "Surely, you know? That you're on the nice list, I mean." Seriously?

He had been pretty non-committal about Santa and Harold this year, avoiding much talk of either at all. I thought that was pretty typical at this wise old age of 10. I'm coaching that team of kids at Big Kid's school and one of them mentioned that he didn't believe in Santa and another quickly agreed. I immediately interrupted and said we weren't discussing people's beliefs right now. Another boy piped up that it couldn't hurt to believe and several kids agreed. My own children remained quiet on the subject.

Between assisting another class, a meeting, and a work shift, I was at the yoga studio from 10 to 5:30pm on Monday and had friends over for dinner from 6 to 9ish. I was so beyond tired that night. I wanted my bed desperately.

It was also Harold's last night. Big Kid still didn't know if he was on the naughty or nice list.

 

But, alas, the next morning, Harold had grown a creepy mustache and set up shop near my computer. He even had his Christmas sweater on, a Christmas Eve tradition that he probably almost forgot about until the middle of the night. And oh my goodness, he had a Facebook page! And on that Facebook page, were the kids' videos from Santa. 

They gathered around me on the couch, early in the morning, and watched with great anticipation and palpable relief when it was revealed that all was well, and they were on the nice list. 

In this exhausting, rushed, overwhelmed, always behind holiday season, it ended up being a precious Christmas moment for me, that I will probably cherish always. Maybe one of my last like this, with this little bit of magic, as they grow. 

So I'm glad Harold Hubert Piggybottom didn't die in a fire, after all.

But there have been rumors that he may retire next year. 

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, and even more important, a relaxing one.

Harold Hubert Piggybottom: Day 3

Well, this morning we discovered that Harold Hubert Piggybottom had rounded up every lady in the house and was slow dancing with Tinkerbelle. He also made the Happy Holidays blocks say Oh Happy Ladys! 

The kids thought it was hysterical but I highly doubt Santa Claus sent Harold here to chat up the ladies all night long. Big Kid disagrees and says it's probably fine, but I think his love of anagrams is tainting his good judgment. I just don't know about this elf. He better back off of Tinkerbelle; she's mine.

  

He looks awfully happy here. The little perv.

Harold Hubert Piggybottom Days 13-19

So, Harold Hubert Piggybottom is still with us. We're getting down to the last week of his visit and there is some major anxiety about his departure. I have made sure the kids know that if we're excessively sad about him leaving, we may not be chosen to host an elf next year--so we better not be crying on Christmas morning about the elf going home. (I didn't predict this being a problem...but now I know.)

Anyway, Harold has:

Brushed his teeth in their bathroom. 

Gone horseback riding.

Stuffed himself into the Christmas village bridge to watch the snowman. 

Climbed our globe to see the North Pole. 

Had some cookies and milk. 

(Big Kid was a little irked that he had helped himself to cookies but I thought we should let it go since he is our guest and we don't ever feed him.)

Hung from the kitchen lights. 

(Hey, he can't come up with some creative tableau each and every night of the holiday season, sometimes hanging around is enough.)

And this morning he brought us a Peanuts nativity. We were all pretty excited about this because we love Charlie Brown.

In other Christmas related news, a friend drove through our community to see the lights and said neighbors of mine were dressed as elves in their front yard, with their elf children dancing around a fire. The traffic is completely insane right now and it sounds like a block party every single night with shouted Merry Christmases and caroling.

I told you these people were really crazy about Christmas!

Naughty or Nice

Harold Hubert Piggybottom has been busy around our house! Big Kid thinks he's not as much fun as he was last year but I pointed out that Harold is older, more mature, and may be running out of ideas. Maybe he doesn't want to be a messy troublemaker anymore, hmmmm? Maybe he's tired?

I'm tired, I could see how he would be worn out.

Anyway, here are some of Harold's antics:

Harold made himself a Lego bed and covered himself with a piece of felt little kid drew on earlier in the day and brought some popcorn and Christmas DVDs. Nice! (if you look all the way to the right, you'll see where little kid wrote his name on my coffee table. He insists he didn't. Someone also wrote "dad" at the same time, so Mr. Ashley is also a suspect.)

Harold brought wind-up pooping animal toys into our manger scene. On this same night, he drew on the kids' photos. I was really upset until I realized he used dry erase markers and I do think poop jokes (especially around the baby Jesus) are inappropriate, but I eventually decided the photo graffiti was funny. The kids were upset and offended over their mustaches and demanded I erase them. There was even talk of requesting a new elf next year because that was just so wrong. Naughty.

Harold bowled with friends. The kids were amused by the tiny bowling set. Nice!

Harold zip-lined through the house. Kind of annoying because I was almost decapitated by his zip-line more than once, and I'll need a ladder to get the tack out of the window sill. But mostly nice.

Harold sang Christmas carols with our tree angel. Nice!

Harold brought hot chocolate and made marshmallow snowmen. Everyone liked this! Nice!

Harold brought little bitty donuts!! How amazing and adorable of him! little kid insisted on eating one even though I pointed out that maybe elves have germs or maybe the donuts are stale, but he said they tasted like donuts. Nice!

 

Harold went on a sleigh ride. He's also wearing a crown, not sure what's up with that. Nice.

And then, after a big search for Harold, we found him in the freezer with another little elf!: 

We were super confused about the new elf and I was irritated they used all of the ice cubes because I don't have an ice maker. It's like living in a third world country. They also threw little marshmallows around and all of my ice tasted sweet. I say naughty, but the kids voted nice.

They seemed to be friends because they had a campfire the next night:

 

They even roasted marshmallows. (Elves seem to love marshmallows.) Nice! 

 We still didn't know who the little elf was, but the little punk helped toilet paper our tree the next night: 

 

Naughty! And a waste of toilet paper, which is a precious commodity around here.  It looks like Harold is throwing up gang signs at us. What's his problem?

The next night they were on my computer. I don't really like people (or elves) on my computer. They had googled some pictures of santa's village, reindeer, and elves. They also left a video for Big Kid, which was a huge relief because Big Kid had himself absolutely convinced that he was on the bad list (which is clearly completely irrational because I can't even think of the last time he was in trouble). There was a video from Santa and they ran his name through the nice/naughty machine and he came out nice. I cannot even begin to describe the visible joy and relief on Big Kid's face. Poor guy. Nice. 

And now we're back down to one elf. Em was over the other night and saw our elves and although she had her game face on and didn't cry or pout or show any visible signs of distress, I could tell she was a little sad not to have an elf of her own. I mentioned this to the boys the next day and said her family hadn't managed to get signed up for the elf program and that I planned to help them next year but felt a little guilty that we had 2 elves and she didn't have one. Before I could even finish, they both simultaneously said, "Let's give her one of ours!" without as much as a second thought. So we dropped our new mystery elf on her doorstep and they never wavered in their decision. I was proud of them for it and it left me feeling Christmas-y.  

She ended up getting a letter from the North Pole explaining that there had been a mix-up because she was staying at our house during the time of the elf placement census and her elf's name is Jakob Jingle Giggleglitter. She had suggested we name the little mystery elf Jake, so it's even more magical that it ended up being his actual name! Christmas magic! Nice!