While I was on the phone, little kid got a bag of apples out of the fridge, took a few bites out of every single apple, put all of the apples back in the bag, spit some of the apple chunks back into the bag and then retwisted and fastened the bag again.
I want to beat someone with that bag of browning, half-eaten, half-regurgitated apples. We JUST went to the grocery store. Maybe I need one of those inflatable bop bags that you can knock down as they pop again for situations like this. That may do a better job demonstrating to little kid how his daily shenanigans make me feel.
I did take some of the change from his pockets and told him he'd be buying me a new bag of apples, and he is furious about that and thinks I should use my own money. He has hordes of change lately, I'm not sure where he's getting it from, but I'm going to start taxing him for damage so I can get some of it back. I asked why he didn't just eat one apple and he says he was tasting them all to find the best one.
He's standing in front of the television right now, wearing a button up shirt inside out and upside down, munching on an apple (presumably the best tasting apple in the bag) and occasionally mentioning his plans to be good from here on out. This is a conversation we have about 48 times a day.