Saturday, October 9, 2010


Okay, since the layout change people are claiming I sound monotone or depressed. I swear I am not monotone or depressed!! See those exclamation points? Are those the exclamation points of someone monotone or depressed? No!! No, they are not!

I think everyone is more influenced by page design than I had previously thought. I don't know what I am going to do with you all. Apparently a girl cannot possibly be content without a bright pink header or the word Fuck in her tagline. FINE!!! I'll work on a new header.

I do have a typical Ashley awkward situation to share with you. Big Kid's school does this Odyssey of the Mind program; I guess it's like an extracurricular team brainstorming project thing (pretty sure that's the official description.) He wanted to do it last year but I went to the meeting and the whole thing sounded pretty boring; weekly meetings, seminars and conferences, blah blah blah. But this year he's showing signs of being bored in school so I thought it would be good for him to be forced to use his brain and work closely with others.

So I went to the meeting and it still sounded pretty boring but I figured he'd like it. To sign your child up, you had to offer to volunteer and you had to choose 2 possible positions from the list. The list included things like being a coach, co-coach, judge or worker. I didn't want to be a coach, co-coach or judge because they required a day's worth of training an hour or so away, so I oh so cleverly indicated that I wanted to be a worker and that I'd be willing to be a co-coach but wouldn't be able to attend the training.

Ha! I thought for sure they would realize that I am not the woman for the job.

Well, to make a long story short, I somehow have ended up as the coach and the freaking meetings have to be at my house every week. AAAHHHH!!!  They call me and the other coach co-coaches, but I'm the one who the coordinator calls and who gets all of the forms to fill out and who has to call people and coordinate things. I don't know how this happened. I never really agreed to it--that coordinator is smooth. The meetings can't be at the school or library because things have to be constructed and painted and stored. My house seemed like the obvious solution since I live so close to the school. Oh, freaking joy!

So I'm now the coach of something I am unable to even describe correctly. And I have to let a bunch of weird little kids and their weird parents in my house every week (the parents will be dropping them off, but still.) One of whom is the Neighborhood Mom who lives across the street. Remember the one who asks every single time she sees me if we're renting or if we own the house and if we plan on buying? She came over this morning to invite the kids to play and asked Mr. Ashley again. Isn't that weird?? She also invited us to bring chairs over and sit outside with them and hang out. Which is really nice, but after Bus Stop Mom I'm afraid to have friends within walking distance, and now I'll feel bad if I see them out there and don't feel like bringing chairs over and hanging out.

That sounds awful, doesn't it? I am pretty awful. But we'll probably end up being friends since I will be having her child over weekly.

I am definitely not the sort of person who should have a team full of kids in her house and under her supervision on a regular basis.

Fuck. How did I get myself into this?


Jennifer said...

Sounds like me and the fucking Girl Scouts.

Tara said...

I'm pretty sure this is all a result of changing the background and header. If only you had a time machine...well, chin up...maybe this brain team group can invent one for ya!

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

Well I am not going to lie- new blog is taking some getting used to.

You should tell Neighbor Mom about Bus Stop Mom and see how she reacts. If she laughs her ass off, she can be your friend. If she looks at you strange like "why is that an issue?", cut the loon lose.

Rachel said...

Your position sounds hellacious, but I think Big Kid will looooove OM--I did it for a year in elementary school and I had a great time.

Sasha said...

I was an OM nerd myself- loved it! Totally sounds right up Bid Kid's alley.

amanda said...

We did Odyssey of the Mind as part of our gifted program in elementary school. One of our problems was to build a weight-bearing structure out of balsa wood. The winner was the structure that stood under the most weight. It was sort of dorky, but fun and more engaging than regular classes.

Ami said...

Another OM nerd here... It was fun, though. And, I agree, BK will probably like it. Sorry about the coach job landing in your lap, though. Our coaches pretty much left us to do the work without too much involvement, but we were older.

REBrown said...

I'm a former OMer too! Luckily, we didn't really have coaches except for one teacher. Rest assured that after this experience BK will be able to build tooth pick bridges and all kinds of "useful" things!


Christine said...

So many OM kids! I seriously LOVED OM. It started as a program for just the smart kids in our school (we were becoming bored like big kid), then they expanded it to everyone. I was in it for about 5 years, made it to the state competitions 4 years and missed going to world once by 1 place. It turned out to be in Nebraska or somewhere far away and somewhat nonexciting (to my 6th grade mind), so I was ok with that.

Charity said...

Same Girl Scout thing here also. I am the "leader" of my own troop that one of my daughter's is in. I "co-lead" two other troops, I do not have children in either one. That's ok, I actually really love doing would be nice if someone else stepped up for a change.

jackie said...

Oh man, I wish I had read this sooner. I did odyssey of the mind when I was in middle school (this is ~1993). It took over our poor coach's life. Then for some saddistic reason I coached a middle school team when I was in college. It took moving out of state to get off their mailing list.

The way to go is being a judge. Yes, you do one day of trianing, but I think they have coffee. And there are only like 2-3 competitions per year.

On the flip side, OM is the perfect thing for big kid. He'll do great.

Unknown said...

Jackie, that's what I'm afraid of!! If I got suckered in this year, with no experience--how will I get out of it next year?? There were kids who were turned away because there were no coaches for them. I am afraid I'll be doing this crap forever now!! This is my karma for wiggling out of that 1/2 day judge training. Fuckety fuck.

AnastasiaBeaverhousen said...

too funny! Odessey of the Mind HQ is in my town and I actually know the owners well (his father started it and now my friend runs the business). Its a great program, I've seen how they come up with some of the problems - lets just say I never realized how NOT smart I was until I saw what these kids can do! Yay! Go BK!!

As for coaching - go you!! But I am seriously looking forward to the updates about your new "friends". ;)