Monday, May 23, 2011

The Sitter

When I asked Big Kid if he wanted to attend Vacation Bible School with little kid and learn more about God and Jesus, I was met with an emphatic, "NO!" 

I signed him up anyway, figuring he may have a change of heart. 

Then I asked if he'd like to check out a church where his friend's dad is the pastor. 

"Please don't make me, mom. I really don't want to." 

I thought he was reluctant to give up a weekend day and decided to revisit the subject when summer came. 

This morning the boys were talking about having babies and getting married (a big topic of conversation around here, I have no idea why) and Big Kid asked, "How do you go about gettin' a lady to marry you anyway? Like, what do you have to do to be married?" 

Before I could answer, little kid said, "I know! You's gots to buy her flowers. First you pick the lady, a course. And then you buy her da flowers and you ask her if she wants to marry you. Then you go to the church and you gib her the flowers and then--WALLAH!--you's married!"

"Oh no! Ugh," said Big Kid, sounding disgusted. I thought he was grossed out about purchasing flowers when he continued, "A church? You have to get married in a CHURCH? Maybe I'm never gettin' married." 

What the heck was going on with him and church, I wondered. Did his Jewish preschool upbringing ruin him on Jesus? Was he mad that the Lord had him going for 3 more weeks of school instead of 2 or for some other ridiculous reason? (He blames everything on the Lord. I hear "Why Lord?!" at least twice a day.)

"Big Kid, you don't have to get married at a church. People get married at the beach, at museums, at gardens, at the courthouse, in backyards, in Las Vegas--wherever. But what is your problem with church? You're really anti-church lately and I'm wondering what the deal is, do you have any questions I could try to answer or would you like to read the Bible so you understand it more?" 

"Phew. No. I'm NOT gettin' married in a church! I hate all of the standing." 

" you hate organized religion because they stand up too much? That's your only problem with church?" 

"Pretty much."  

I blame the Lutherans. They do stand up an awful lot. 

I am slightly concerned that he thinks he'll be sitting through his own wedding, but I guess that's my future daughter-in-law's problem. 


The Chic Chauffeur said...

My kids developed an aversion to the front row at Mass.... I used to always try to snag the first pew, thinking maybe it would hold their attention more if they could see what was going on. All of a sudden, everyone was angling for the

Finally figured out that they had to kneel in the back row for a few seconds after communion, compared to the eternity of the front row 'kneel time' as you must pray on your knees while the ENTIRE CONGREGATION GOES THRU THE COMMUNION LINE!

Too funny. We agreed to meet halfway! Less kneeling, but I can still hear.

Lynda Kay said...

I loved this whole post, but my favorite part that made me LOL? ..Was your label!

Ami said...

Well, William and Kate sat for much of their ceremony, so maybe he'll just have to marry royalty. :)

Jennifer said...

David and Big Kid have a lot in common.

Unknown said...

Tell him to avoid Catholicism then-there's standing, kneeling, standing, kneeling, and of course the proper times at which to cross oneself. I dated an Irish Catholic dude in college and had to call up my lapsed-Catholic mother in a panic when I had to go to church!