Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Prison Reform

I am going to help balance the federal budget and reduce crime everywhere by recording the sounds of little kid eating an apple and broadcasting it on loud speakers for people in prison 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

It should take about 4 hours before everyone realizes the error of their ways and will never risk breaking the law again, for fear of having to hear the apple slurpingcrunchingmoaningcrunchingslurpinggruntingscrunchingsnortinggaspingslurping sounds ever again. It also takes about 30 solid minutes to finish an apple and then he has to suck the juices from his fingers. He likes to eat about 3 apples a day.

Oh. My. God. It makes me want to kill kittens. And ban fruit from the house.

Maybe I'll get myself into prison because those people have to have better eating manners than little kid.

8 comments:

Internal Momoblog said...

I am right there with you. I can't stand listening to either of my kids eat anything. The little slurps and moans make me crazy! And yet, it doesn't bother my husband at all. Ugh!

Kelli said...

I actually want to hear this, but only about a minute of it!

Jennifer said...

I can't stand mouth noises and get onto my kids all the time about it. Just gross.

nova said...

Give him slices instead of a whole apple. And if he's sad about it give him a little something to dip them in. Ta daa, problem a little solved.

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. When my son was little he used to hum while he ate - anything.

Tara said...

My father in law hums while he eats. He doesn't seem to notice it and denies it when someone mentions it.

He's that way about deodorant and BO, too, so I shouldn't be surprised.

Blech.

shelly said...

It's watermelon at our house!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

bwahhaha I totally understand your pain!