I am going to help balance the federal budget and reduce crime everywhere by recording the sounds of little kid eating an apple and broadcasting it on loud speakers for people in prison 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
It should take about 4 hours before everyone realizes the error of their ways and will never risk breaking the law again, for fear of having to hear the apple slurpingcrunchingmoaningcrunchingslurpinggruntingscrunchingsnortinggaspingslurping sounds ever again. It also takes about 30 solid minutes to finish an apple and then he has to suck the juices from his fingers. He likes to eat about 3 apples a day.
Oh. My. God. It makes me want to kill kittens. And ban fruit from the house.
Maybe I'll get myself into prison because those people have to have better eating manners than little kid.