Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Being a Yes

Okay, I've had some more time to process this yoga teacher training business. I've also had time to throw out my hip again, burn the fuck out of my hand, develop a series of migraines, and I may have broken two toes, which is pretty typical in a week of being Ashley.

I went from sheer, insomniatic (spellcheck says I made that word up, which is awesome of me. I can't think of a better word and I like how it sounds) panic to devastating, soul-crushing defeat to fuck it, let's do this shit. I waver a bit on the fuck it, let's do this shit but I'm kind of committed now, having signed my life away, taken on a part-time job in which I won't get paid for to pay for it, and experienced the encouragement and support of all of these people that I don't want to annoy.

Here are the possibilities:

1. True enlightenment and mastery of yoga and personal self.
2. A physically painful but moderately amusing experience.
3. A physically and emotionally painful but empowering experience.
4. I die.

So, whatever.

I could write a book about any of those except dying (unless I was revived with no damage and then that would be one hell of a story about how I almost died doing yoga. It might be worth it.)

At this point, I'm more nervous about the work trade. I haven't done 300 hours of anything but sitting on the couch in a long time. I do like the work, I feel super fancy using the boutique's scanning gun and dressing the mannequin. Apparently I mop really wrong, though, as I am reminded and re-taught frequently and there is some baffled sighing and exchanging of glances that I can't do it the way they like. (It's a highly coordinated process). I'm working on it but I'm not sure if we should add mop mastery to the list of pros or cons; it's a lot more important than I realized before beginning this journey of enlightenment.

I do love the people involved (even if they don't like my mopping). There are several people taking the teacher training class that I truly like or am intrigued by, and I want to be just like all of the teachers when I grow up. Not that I want to be a teacher, necessarily, I just want to be cool like them.

So, I'm going in for brainwashing starting on Friday. I'm a little bit worried that they'll wash the sarcastic away but they couldn't do that, right? I don't think they could do that.

 Unless I die.


Anna C. Winter said...

THIS IS SO EXCITING! Please keep us updated on your journey...and if you die and come back from the dead promptly report back!

Unknown said...

Big Kid knows my password. I will tell him on Thursday night that if I die, he inherits my blog and must inform you and share all of my unshared links that I have bookmarked for you all.

(He's not overly worried or impressed by the whole thing, other than to ask where exactly I'd be doing these headstands I have planned.)

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

I can't wait for these stories! A girl from my childhood has a few yoga studios in Ft. Laudy (my hometown) and writes yoga stuff on FB all the time. She's super annoying but I am still friends with her because she misspells every other word and I find it amusing. The moral of my story is that I am excited to see this all play out with your special Ashley snark that I so adore.

Good luck with the that a requirement to teach? And how long do these classes last?

KK @ Preppy Pink Crocodile

Unknown said...

No, I don't think headstands are required, I just think it would make me closer to being cool.

The classes are one 3-day weekend a month for 5 months. (200 hours)

Renee said...

I think it sounds pretty great!! Can't wait to hear all about it on here. :-)

Unknown said...

:) good on ya! All the best with this new experience, and in moving in a new circle of people... it will be great to hear about it. (Well, all of the options except option 4!)xo

Lisalu said...

Ok, so you know that "body dysmorphic" disorder? Is it maybe possible that you have some new social form of that?!?! Where you think you are this nerdy, awkward, misfit but REALLY you are so super cool that no one around you would ever in their wildest dreams think of you that way? Because I just really cannot believe you are as awkward in actual life as you describe! I just can't!

Anyway - the yoga folks obviously see something worthwhile in you that you don't recognize, and I'm sure you'll be the best ever once you get over your nervousness! They'll be lining up on the sidewalk to get in your classes! Have fun!

Lisalu said...

Oh and - what's with holding out on us with those links?! I love your links!

bookstalker said...

You are brave to be doing something that scares you and I bet you will be so glad you did! We will be glad you did because you will make it funny, even just talking about the mopping. :) I do it wrong, too. I hear not mopping at all is the

Jennifer said...

I was a fitness instructor for 15 years, it was the best job ever! You will do great, I think a strong sense of humor is key :-)

Jamie said...

Is it terrible of me that I'm hoping there ends up being at least ONE super weird-bizarro-freak so we get to hear about it? I'm a bad person - but whatever :) I'm excited for you to go through the classes - you might end up so enlightened that you'll be infused with more snark - that's totally a win/win.

Unknown said...

Lisa, I would think that was a possibility but it IS pretty awkward to be well known for your inability to mop, right? I like to think they're just wacky about the mopping, but everyone else seems to have it down pat. If you were mopping with a cloth swiffer type thing, would you automatically know to hold a spray bottle in your hands, spray, walk backwards while making a continuous, tight backwards S shape? I guess people know that.

If I ever meet the Dalai Lama, I'm asking him this mopping shit.

But aside from the mopping, I'm probably not as awkward as I feel. Maybe. I hope. LOL. People like me, I'm great at parties, I can talk to anyone. I just end up regretting about a 1/4 of what I say. One of my main goals in teacher training is NOT to make it the Ashley show, to just shut up, therefore reducing the opportunity to say or do something unnecessarily dumb. Doubt I can, though.