Saturday, November 17, 2007

How to Make...

...those fucking turkey cookies.

You will need 2 packages of double stuffed oreos, 1 package of candy corn, 1 package of whoppers, 1 package of red hots (aka cinnamon imperials), 1 can of white frosting, 2 tubes of writing icing for eyes (white and whatever other color you like). EDITED TO ADD: This would make more than 25, but not much more. That's as exact as I can get.

You take the top off an oreo and eat it, set the rest down frosting side up on the plate. Then take a whole oreo, dip it into the white frosting and stick it on top of the first oreo, near the back of the cookie. Take 5 candy corns and shove them into the top of the standing cookie. Take a whopper and stick it in front of the standing cookie, where the head would be. Just push it down into the frosting. Stick a red hot into the frosting next to the head for the gizzard. Chew off the yellow part of a candy corn and attach it to the whopper with a dab of icing. Make 2 white dots with the writing icing (It's icing in a tube, like for cookies). Let it dry for a while and then give just the tiniest dab of the colored icing onto the whites.

Voila. Turkey cookies that will make other moms green with envy. Unless the Jews rob you of your time to shine by having an aide take your turkey cookies and stick them on some random, anonymous cookie table where they will be gobbled up before my child's class is even dismissed to the social room. I would have gotten the Publix 3 dozen like all of the other lame-o moms if I knew that I would be robbed of my hard earned glory and the chance to cement Big Kid's position as the coolest kid in class with the coolest mom. Whatever.

I will say that the Jews put on a damn good show. The Thanksgiving feast was adorable. I do wish my kid had gotten a turkey cookie or that I had gotten the opportunity to even photograph them, but what can you do?

I'm going to do Chapter 1 of last weekend today. I swear. I will not let this whole "working" thing and this whole "desperate need for money" thing stand between me and my imaginary internet world.

14 comments:

lyndakay916 said...

If it makes you feel any better, I was thoroughly impressed with the fucking turkey cookies..

Anonymous said...

love the cookies...how many does that make (the two packs of cookies, etc)
guess what i'm bringing to thanksgiving!!

Deb said...

Good for you and your priorities! I like knowing that even though I'm imaginary, I come first.

I can't wait to eat... I mean, make these. Thanks!

Judy said...

After you chew off the yellow end of the candy corn, lick the bottom of the remaining half. It'll settle better in the icing.

*wink wink!*

Sasha said...

OK, since this involves eating some oreos, I think I can *maybe* manage it. It's all about what's in it for me, you know. Seriously, they are too cute and I know BK must have loved them.

Danielle said...

Very cute! What a creative little BEEyotch you are! :)

Angry Julie said...

I like the fucking turkeys.

Even though you posted the recipe, I'm still not going to make them. I'm way too lazy for that.

Plus, the Angy Toddler's damn preschool won't let us bring snacks with sugar.

Cinnamon said...

Thanks, I believe I will have to make these now. :D

Rebecca said...

Too. Much. Work.

Southern Fried Mom said...

I, too was robbed of my glory...but by the Methodists, not The Jews. I made Halloween-shaped cutout finger sandwiches for my child's preschool class. When I got to the party, he was munching down on a plain old square PB & J...and it didn't even have the crust cut off. The whole f-ing preschool just piled all the snacks together. I would have liked to get that memo. Whatever. Adorable fucking turkeys--I am so going to copy you & claim them as my own!

Renee said...

That SUCKS that you went to all that trouble and then didn't get any recognition for it. I'm sure people were standing around admiring your creations and asking each other who made them. They are so, so cute.

-The Renee

(I miss you, btw)

Jenn said...

Wait.

This isn't real?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting the instructions!! You're such a good mom!

Katie

JJsMonkey said...

When I make these and send them out among the masses, I will be uttering your name.

You are a freaking genius!