Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Free Fall

Last week I walked into my bathroom to find a naked little kid standing on my toilet, one foot on either side of the seat, pooping and going through the make-up on the counter at the same time.

"What are you doing?!" I yelled.

"Cleanin' up," he answered.

I angrily explained why long distance pooping was a terrible idea and told him to never ever do it again.

"I do it all a time and nuttin' ever goes bad," he insisted.

"Don't!!!!"

Lo and behold, there was evidence of long distance pooping gone wrong in their bathroom this morning. I was beyond furious and between his habit of nervous laughter and the poop smeared all over the bathroom (he had attempted clean up), I'd say it's a miracle everyone made it out of this situation alive and unharmed.

What is he thinking when he does these things??

Do I even want to know?

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

can you really give any answer for what boys are thing?? I have three and have given up on trying to understand their crazy thoughts and ideas.

I will say....this story did make me laugh out loud this morning, so thank you!

mommyazn@yahoo.com

jenn said...

No. No, you don't.

Anonymous said...

If it's any consolation when my brother was little he was SO bizarre - nothing compared to little kid but still weird. We all feared what he would turn into but he is now 19 and a wonderful, thoughful young man. Every person in our family comments on how well he turned out :) I have a feeling that will be your case, too.
-Jamie

Jennifer said...

I don't even know what to comment. How did he even come up with that idea?

erin said...

HAHA this just made my day

Colleen said...

OMG, I don't know if it's disgusting or hilarious beyond words!! I'll get back to you!

Bren said...

Trying to picture it - it's not a good picture! I hope his balance is good!

Theresa said...

I'd say he redeemed the behavior by even attempting to clean it up! But, yuck!

Mommy Wis(h)dom said...

lol...you probably don't.

Megness@Murphy'sLawOnlyWorse said...

Just think, after you break him of the habit (because you WILL break him of the habit) when he's older, he'll alway have the urge to poop standing up when going past the make up counter at the department store and he'll never know why! LOL!

Cookie Crums said...

I've been MIA recently so I'm catching up on reading your blog.... I hope my two boys don't come up with what you one does! I know I can always get a laugh and thank the good Lord it's not MY child.... but then again he's only 2 so I guess I'd better keep prayin huh?

tulpen said...

I'm so fucking sick of poop. Between the kids and husband and crazy old people I take care of at work; seriously, poop is the worst idea ever.

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing he heard the old "frog in the toilet" urban myth and think LDP (long-distance pooping) will put him out of reach of rubbery froggy lips.

You need to tell him about the ninja in the makeup cabinet that only attacks people who repeatedly violate the proper butt-toilet seal-- the "ninjapoop", if you will. ;)

Jess said...

"Long-distance pooping". That may be my new favorite catchphrase. As in, "your day may have sucked ass, but at least your kid wasn't long-distance pooping!".

I have a son. He's five. I recently found him in our backyard, a few feet from a red plastic cup, peeing in an arc. He was attempting to fill up the cup without standing over it.

~Gretchen~ said...

His texan counterpart was caught peeing in the bathroom sink this morning. By 'peeing in the bathroom sink' i mean 'standing astride the sink, bare-assed naked, hands on the mirror to support his weight while he watched with glee the sight of his penis, spriraling with the intensity of his many urine stream, in the mirror and cackling'

At least I know what he was thinking, however. He was thinking, "Dixie said it was a good idea."

Mom Taxi Julie said...

OMG that's my new favorite line hahaha

I angrily explained why long distance pooping was a terrible idea and told him to never ever do it again.