"Mom? I've been thinkin' about what kind of girl I'm gonna marry," Big Kid said in a serious voice a couple of weeks ago.
"Oh yeah? What kind of girl are you going to marry?"
"I don't know, that's what I been wonderin'. Like, what things will she like? What will she like to do? I've been wonderin' things like that."
"Hmmm. Well, you'll have to marry a girl that likes things that you like and that has the sort of qualities and good things you would want to have in a wife."
"But what kind of things? That's what I can't figure out--what kind of things do you think?"
"Well, I hope she likes to read and enjoys spending time with her mother-in-law," I advised him.
"Oh yes, reading is a good one! You know in the olden days it wasn't even cool for girls to read? Because girls should just, like, cook and stuff. But I'd want a girl that likes to read--and cook! Are you the mother-in-law?"
"Yep. She better love your mother!" We laughed (but I'm serious.)
"But you know what, mom? I've also been thinkin' 'bout havin' babies."
"Yeah...and I don't think I want to look down there when the baby comes out, you know?"
"Oh. Huh. Uh--it's all very exciting at the time. You'll be okay. You'll be excited to see your baby that's been growing in her belly, it's really pretty neat."
"So...you know how...babies get out? I wasn't sure if we really covered that or if you heard that in school or...if you have any questions.....?" I asked, wishing I didn't feel obligated to.
"Well one day you said that doctors help get them out and sometimes cut the mom's belly to get them out."
"Oh, yes! Yep. That happens." I thanked the sweet baby Jesus that we were talking about c-sections.
And yes, I do believe in honesty as often as possible but there was no way in hell I was breaking the news of natural delivery to Big Kid. He's 7 years old and freaking out about his hypothetical wife having a c-section, can you even imagine if he knew the whole truth?? I'd never have grandkids. Yeah, no. We'll cover the details later. If we have to.
"I don't want to hurt my wife's feelings, but I really don't want to look down there. Even if it's exciting, you know? 'Cuz I'll see the baby later, like right after."
"Yeah. I think that's probably okay. You can just look in her eyes and tell her what a great job she's doing until they bring the baby out. And maybe buy her jewelry!"
"That's a good idea. They clean the baby off pretty quickly, right? I'll look at her instead and I'll get her some jewelry."
We were both relieved, for entirely different reasons.