Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Alpha Neighbor part deux

I got home from dropping little kid off (a not even 10 minute journey) to find a bag of dog poop in my yard.

At first I was pissed. Then I was worried. I had let the dogs out for a few minutes right before leaving to take little kid--could one of them possibly have pooped in someone else's yard? Murphy is on a long leash type thing and can't reach the property lines. Lily goes to the bathroom in the exact same spot every time, never leaves our yard and was right at the door waiting to come in so I didn't think so, but maybe?

I sat here freaking out about it and feeling terrible. No matter what, one of our neighbors clearly must hate us to be leaving bags of poop in our yard. I briefly thought of the Alpha Neighbor but I haven't seen her lately. She changed her like-clockwork walking times so our paths don't cross; I took this as an admission that she was wrong to use my yard as a dog poop depository. I felt triumphant about that situation and have been commending myself for calling her out on it and resolving it quickly.

I decided to take a shower and as soon as I was naked and all oiled up, water running, I heard a knock on the door. I chose to ignore it and then thought that it may be the new poop-leaver and that I better figure out who it was so that I could go to their house and apologize profusely. I peeked through the blinds and see Alpha Neighbor's two fat, furry dogs waddling around my yard.

What the hell is this woman's problem? Okay, so you somehow don't know that people may not want you to leave bags of dog shit in their yard, even temporarily. Once someone TELLS you not to leave bags of dog shit in their yard, even temporarily, YOU STOP DOING IT. Leave it in someone else's yard if you must. I know she did it because she didn't think I was home and this pisses me off even more. I live on a heavily populated street, there is not one good reason that I should be the dog poo drop off station. I cannot figure out what her problem is.

I wasn't about to towel off and get dressed to hear her explanation or apology or whatever she wanted, so I ignored her.

I have no idea what to do about this lady, though. I'm seriously considering running one of her dogs over next time I'm driving and see them out sashaying around the neighborhood--I don't know how else to get my message through to her since shouting it across our neighborhood (and plain old common sense) doesn't seem to work.

15 comments:

clemsongirlandthecoach said...

I totally hate your neighbor. And her crap.

My3grcs said...

Leave the bags of poo on her door step. Once she steps in/on one of the bags it should deter her.

JulieStyles said...

I cannot stand this woman. Personally I'd ask her what part of "don't leave your dog's crap on my lawn" didn't she understand?

Jennifer said...

your neighbor is crazy. period. I cannot think of any reason at all why it would be okay to leave a bag of poop in someone's yard. Not even temporarily.

Jewelie said...

A friend of a friend, in high school, took a crap on someone else's windshield, while school was in session, during the winter. It froze on and the kid had to chip it off with an ice scraper.
I suggest you collect much dog crap and deposit it onto her windshield. Message sent.

Jennifer said...

Next time leave it on her doorstep. On fire.

But still, I wonder what she wanted to talk to you about?

Jen said...

It's funny, when we had a dog, we carried the bags of poop with us. I'd never dream of leaving it anywhere, and I don't see why when you tell someone to stop, they continue. However, in our neighborhood, there is an asshole with two big dogs, who refuses to keep their dogs on a leash. Cops called twice because said dog tried to attack the puppy we were walking, but nope, they still do not keep their dogs on a leash. I feel your pain.

~Gretchen~ said...

wait, you oil yourself in the shower?

Ashley said...

I'm back to my weird oil cleansing thing, Gretchen. Usually just my face, neck and chest but I'm a little dry from being at the pool a lot, so I've been doing all of me.

Jen, the only thing my neighbors love more than Christmas is dogs. Walking your dog with no leash is the thing to do here despite leash laws and lots of cop neighbors. But people do not leave poop in each other's yards, everyone is always out carrying their poop bags.

I might go leave a bag of poop on her yard at some point because I'm immature like that.

But she started it!

Tara said...

I would leave bags of poop in her yard DAILY...and if she said something to you, I'd say "Oh...I'll be back for them...tomorrow or a week from Tuesday".

Wait.

Better idea...drop off little kid in her yard for an hour or so!! Yes!

Mrs. M317 said...

I'm with everyone else. Next time you find a bag of poop, put in in her yard/on her doorstep/on her windsheid/wherever.

She's a nutbag.

Christine said...

I want to hear more about the weird oil cleansing thing. I don't really think oil cleansers are weird, but I've used them before. I'm curious what one you use...

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I missed the original post but OMG! I'd so be throwing that shit at her windows or something. WTH!

Anonymous said...

Get a potato launcher and launch condoms full of dog poo at her house. She might not know it was you but you'll know and that's all that matters.

-Murphy

Anonymous said...

PS. I must be the worst girl ever but how do you cleanse yourself with oil and not end up with a shit ton of zits? And what does cleanse yourself with oil even mean???

-Murphy