Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I have had a migraine for 2 full days. It ranges from complete "Someone please do me a favor and split my skull open with an ax" agony to a more mild "This hurts really fucking bad and I'm sick of it." If I had health insurance, I would've been in the E.R. this morning because I was 87% positive I was having an aneurysm. I've talked myself down from that thought, but am still conjuring up ways to inject Excedrine for Migraines intravenously and I completely understand why people in ancient times practiced trepanation; drilling a hole in my head to relieve the pressure really seems like a logical course of action. Evil spirits may be at fault and if they want out, who am I to stand in their way? And it can't hurt worse than it already does, so why not?

But kids and dogs don't give a fuck about other people's migraines, so life goes on. I have gotten no mercy at the hands of those who love me so loyally. People still need drinks and an ever-present audience. People need to exercise their right to shriek for no real reason or speak in a yell at all times. People still need volunteers. People have parties to attend. People actually seem to sense my weakness and misbehave accordingly. little kid tried to pull the "I will go underwater and pretend I can't hear you as you ask to me to get out" trick at the nerd herd's end of the year pool party today and I pulled the "I will lean out into the pool and pull you in by the tuft of hair I can reach while nobody is watching" maneuver in return. No regrets, either; he totally deserved it.

It was a little soon for the nerd herd reunion party, even if I didn't have to organize it. Some time to miss them first would have been nice. I will say that the other moms involved are super nice, easy to talk to and enjoyable to be around but they are also so wealthy that it's like they live on another planet; it can be difficult when they invite me to $85 per class pilates sessions or suggest I buy a membership to the beach club because it's a really good deal. One of them recommended a resort for our anniversary and when I got home to look it up, it was $995 A NIGHT, on sale. I can't spend $995 on the whole weekend trip! It makes it hard to relate--and I'm jealous. Totally jealous.

They bought me a beautiful wine glass with my initials and black and pink polka dots along with a bottle of wine but little kid broke the wine glass before I got home. It was a really nice thought though.

So this is a whiny, petty post. If my head explodes into a million pieces tonight (as I suspect it might) I will regret that this was my last entry to you all. But what-the-heck ever. Have my memorial service at that swanky $995 a night resort, you all deserve it.


Jaime said...

I feel for you.....I've been battling migraines for the past few months. I HAVE insurance and nothing is working. I take topamax, and maxalt, and even give myself injections. They are the worst thing EVER. You are a bette woman than I because I completely don't functiona at all with them...lock myself in a dark room with a pillow over my head! I hope you find some relief soon! I read a home rememdy the other day from another blog..haven't tried it out yet...be right back and I'll tell u what it is!!!

Jaime said...

She told me that when she gets a migraine she takes a cayenne pepper pill, 2 Excedrin migraines and a can of coke.

She and a few others said it works.....worth a shot!!!

Unknown said...

Sounds easier than drilling a hole into my head! I wonder where you get cayenne pepper pills? What if I just swallowed some--bad idea? The excedrine and a coke gets me to the more mild "Hurts freaking bad" pain, but yeah, I'd much prefer a dark room and a pillow over my eyes. (But little kid don't play that game!)

Jaime said...

Cayenne pepper pills are sold at walmart...only reason I know this is they are suppossed to help w weight loss and I tried them once and ended up burping up cayenne everytime I took them....no fun...but WAAAAYYYY better than a migraine!

Renee said...

This sucks!! So sorry you have to deal with this misery.

-The Renee

The Mermaid Cottage said...

I never miss a post! Your brain thinks the same way mine does and sometimes I swear you're my twin (well...probably not because I'm a good 20 years older). So sorry to hear about the migraine...they can be so ugly. You deserve a break at the $1000 per night resort...so far out of my league I can't imagine suggesting it to somebody. I'm more of the Hilton-weekend-special, $200 for 2 nights and breakfast included kind of gal. And yeah...I'm a little jealous of the rich moms. I'm not jealous of not being able to stay in the posh resort...I'm jealous of not having to worry about money!

Sheila from west michigan

Jen said...

Hope you recover from your migrane very soon. I had one one time, and I'd not wish that on anyone! (And I suspect mine was mild).

I'd give the pepper a shot:)

Anonymous said...

I am sorry that little kid (though you love him) is testing the very last frayed nerve end that you have. To have a recognition gift broken BEFORE you even get it home is - sorry - coming close to a "that's it, I've lost it, take them and leave" moment.

You write so lovingly about him. I can see you that you adore him. But enough is enough is enough. To wrangled the nerd herd and then have a splat at the end - not good, not good.

We all feel the jealousy at some point. The mantra "this is not the life I planned to live" is sometimes hard to follow with "but it's the one I have and better than the one i might have gotten".

Take heart, take time and take a very large chair and wedge it under the door knob while you rest in a warm bath in a dark room.

jennyandcompany said...

I'm sorry you hurt :( Have you ever tried peppermint essential oil? You dilute it with a little olive oil and put on the back of your neck or your temples (just close your eyes until the fumes go away).

And I am so sad about your wine glass! It would have been fun to drink out of something pretty :(

Christine said...

Hey Ashley,
I'm sorry to hear you still have that migraine. :( You mentioned the Excedrin Migraine, but are you taking other pain relievers as well? The caffeine in the Excedrin (that's what makes it "Migraine" BTW) will help increase the effectiveness of ibuprofen as well. Take 600 mg (I'm a doctor in addition to a beauty blogger, I can totally tell you to do this) every 6 hours and try some tylenol as well. Don't go over 4g of Tylenol a day, but you can take 1000 mg every 6 hours of that as well. I'd do the Coke as well, or go for even more caffeine with coffee or Mountain Dew.

I don't know anything about the effectiveness of the other things people were recommending, like the pepper pills, but it sounds worth a try to me. My husband gets horrible migraines from stress (fun times at my house), and he really can not leave the darkness of our bedroom. He lies there and moans, holding a hot washcloth over his eye. The last one was so bad I tried to take him to the ER for a CT scan to make sure it wasn't an aneurysm, just like you were thinking about doing. I can't imagine trying to take care of Little Kid when you're feeling like that.

I hope you feel better soon!