Mr. Ashley is at work today and has been working lots of Saturdays lately which sucks for everyone. Having been up since 7 am, around 9 am I decided I would be daring and attempt the forbidden, luxury maneuver of a quick shower by myself.
I knew it was risky and was trying to think of the safest way to steal a few minutes when I caught little kid throwing rocks at the cat. I told him to stop and he threw one last rock in her general direction, so I put him in his time out spot for 3 minutes, locked all exterior doors, told Big Kid to tell me if little kid left time out (he was drawing at a desk nearby) and attempted the world's fastest shower (which started with cold water).
It was great, enjoying the full stream of shower water all by myself for a minute. Big Kid popped his head in and said, "He's bein' good, can I let him out and we'll play on the white board together?" And I got greedy and thought I could possibly shave quickly (without someone staring at me and wanting to help) if they were playing nicely together. "Yes, that would be nice but make sure he stays with you. Leave the bathroom door open, I'll be out in one minute."
Two seconds later little kid came stomping in. "You takin' a shower? No you not. I takin' a shower," and started to strip.
"No! You took a shower this morning with daddy before he left for work, please just let me do this alone. Get some super heroes and play here on the bathroom floor or go play with your brother."
"Oh no. Oh no! We shower togever, mumum! We share water! YOU WATER WASTER!! I'm gettin' in, I am, I'm takin' a shower." He stood there naked and defiant.
"No you are not. You can have another time out or go play, no shower. I'm getting out as soon as the soap rinses away, like right now."
"I YOUR BOSS! IF I SAY WE SHOWERIN', WE SHOWERIN!"
Big Kid came in, looking apologetic, "I guess he wasn't ready to come out of time out. Want me to take him back? Come on, little kid."
"No, I'm getting out right now, thank you for trying to help me."
As I stepped out of the shower and grabbed for my towel, Big Kid gagged and covered his eyes with his hands. "Ugh gross, mom, you're naked."
"...I'm in the shower."
"From now on, you should bring your towel into the shower. In case we're out here, you know? Seein' you naked is gross."
"Yeah, gurls are gross," little kid agreed before starting to make fake puking sounds.
SEE WHY I WANTED TO TAKE A SHOWER BY MYSELF? Insulted, harrassed and I never even got to shave.