Thursday, May 31, 2012

Just Say No

"I'm clipping this money together to buy drugs with it," little kid said out of nowhere the other day. (Fantastic!)

"Drugs??" I asked in horror, because he loves to catch bugs and I was sure I misheard.

"Yes, this is my drug money."

"What are you talking about?? You don't do drugs!" I seriously have no idea where he got this.I am not proud.

"Bro, I want to buy drugs from you but I don't have any money." Big Kid said. Yes! Big Kid! Rule Follower Extraordinaire.

"Guys, seriously, this game isn't cool. You have to stop."

"Why isn't it cool? We're not really buyin' drugs."

"We don't pretend to buy drugs. We don't do drugs. Ever. Not even pretend." (I really wanted to throw in a "Drugs are bad, mmmmkay," Mr. Garrison-style but this is serious business and they wouldn't get it anyway.)

little kid looked at me for a moment, the wheels in his head obviously turning. "Well, ya see, mom, I invented a new drink that's a drug."

"That won't work either. You're not allowed to pretend to do drugs just like you're not allowed to pretend to smoke cigarettes or kill people."  (Because smoking cigarettes and killing people are near parallel offenses in my world).

"Oh, It's not really a drug, it's an, uh, um, energy drink, and I named it 'The Drug'".

His persistence is astounding, he just never gives up ever. There's always a reply waiting in the wings.

"What?" he asked as I glared at him.  "It's a good name. You can't tell me I can't name my mesperiment that. I can name it whatever I want.." He then turned to Big Kid and said, "So bro, you want to buy Drugs? It's a drink. Not the type mom doesn't like. We don't do those drugs!"

He's 5. FIVE. 5! In kindergarten. Living a (fairly) normal life with (fairly) normal (halfway) respectable people. Why are we already arguing about him selling drugs?

And who would think Big Kid would want to buy some??


Alex said...

Yes, truly the most shocking part of this story to me is BKs reaction!!! I mean, what?!? I don't know if that means I have very strong ideas about how BK should react to things OR if it means that I'm not as surprised lk is trying to sell drugs. Hmmm .... :)

Unknown said...

Alex, that's exactly how I felt! It was funny because a girlfriend and I ended up talking to her lawn guys the other day about the huge S. Florida drug running business they were all involved in in the 80s and they were telling us stories of throwing pot bales into the Gulf while coast guard chased them.

Later we were talking about how good our oldest boys were and how they'd grow up to be good people, no matter what happened between now and then. Then I mentioned that our youngest sons would be the ones throwing bales of pot into the Gulf some day and she pointed out that they'd probably still be good people.

So yes, super surprised about Big Kid or just not as surprised about dear little kid (a true businessman at heart).

Tara said...

Tell lk to hook me up with a case of The Drug....sounds like an interesting energy drink...I definitely need something to help me get over jet lag!

Alex said...

Aw, well, that's true! Even drug dealing lk will still be a good guy, at heart. So at least you have that!
My little man just turned 1, I am semi-terrified and semi-super excited for him to start saying things like lk says!!!

asnell said...

WTH?!?! What's up with Big Kid? Maybe he realizes Little Kid is going to be super rich one day and wants to get in early on the action. Wow!

I felt same way when my LK said his soccer referee was "hot"...he was 7. I don't think I knew what HOT was when I was 7.