Well, the surgery went well today because they got the big tumor out, but it has unfortunately spread to his liver and is Stage 4. In my heart of hearts, I knew this. He seems a weird color to me and the tumor seems so big and some local organization has offered to pay for everything and his liver has been so badly abused to begin with--all of these things have had me suspecting that doctors might have known that things were pretty bad. The doctor did know for sure when he saw the CAT scan earlier this week, and told my dad right before surgery.
I'm not the professional, and maybe he had a good reason for doing so (sedation soon after?), but it breaks my heart to think of my dad so scared and upset right before major surgery. My dad's crushed reaction was worse than finally hearing the diagnosis.
My mom told me on my way to the hospital this morning, so hospital anxiety and the post-surgery consultation were pretty anti-climactic. The waiting room was nice and the volunteers were very nice and my mom and I can have a decent time pretty much anywhere, so the waiting wasn't bad. The hallways and elevators sucked big time, but my dad looked much better than I had expected and was coherent and not hooked up to too much stuff.
He was worried though and seeing that is hard. The doctor told him he had 2 to 3 years, and I told him that the same doctor told us he had patients just like him who were doing well at 5 years out and medical technology improves daily. And that it is just an average and an estimated guess, and that a lot of those people weren't eating and exercising, and that a lot of them are way older. I had read an informal study done by a doctor where he told some of his patients that they were doing really well and things were looking great, even if that wasn't necessarily the truth, and that they lived longer than people with an "expiration date". I don't think it can hurt, especially if that's what they want to hear.
So, it was sad. I am pretty much sadded out today, so we'll have some non-sad stuff coming up soon. Thank you very much for all of your well wishes and comments, it definitely brightened my day.