Friday, May 28, 2010

Facebook Frienemies

Can we talk about the weirdness of Facebook for a moment?

Some of you may remember that I was resistant to the idea of Facebook and initially felt like I was at a party with everyone I'd ever met in one room and was really uneasy about all of these different walks of life coming together in one central location.

But then I discovered the joys of being able to watch the mid-life crises of high school friends and the receding hairlines of former boyfriends and the long, drawn-out, public warfare of relationships ending in front of 400 of the couple's closest friends and family members.

And I like seeing pictures of everyone's new babies.

So, I adapted and began enjoying it. It's also a very easy way for me to keep in touch and keep family updated, two things I really suck at doing. It has also definitely strengthened some friendships and brought good people back into my life.

But I do not have 400 Facebook friends. I do not want 400 Facebook friends. My rule for friending someone is, "If I saw this person at the mall, would I stop to talk or duck into the nearest store and hide?" Occasionally, there's an in-between ground where perhaps we'd both nod and smile as we walked by and I'll take those people, too.

But what the hell is with strangers, people I completely cannot remember at all, or blatant wannabe stalker requests? I get an alarming number of these.

I've got about 6 people in the holding pen right now who I feel guilty pushing "reject" on, but can't figure out why on earth they want to be my friend in the first place.

Facebook is bringing a whole new level of social awkwardness into my life.

21 comments:

Mommy Wis(h)dom said...

lol! Three days after accepting a friend request, I did the "duck and run" in Target when I saw her coming toward me.

Pride overflow-eth!
(insert eye roll)

kerriew said...

I use the coffee rule - would I make and keep plans to meet you for coffee if we were in the same place? The answer is no fairly often, so I accept (and WTF with people I brushed shoulders with in middle school finding me), check out their life, and delete them a week later. I love deleting people, it's so cathartic.
My rule has hit a snag now that old people have discovered facebook though - would I have coffee with my Nana's best friend who remembers me with pigtails and that's all? No. But I would feel bad if she told my Nana (who thinks I'm a hundred times nicer than I really am) that I rejected her friend? Hell, yes.
You could make up separate lists of people, so they can't see some stuff and they're hidden from your feed? Or you could accept and argue every single absurd Tea Party post with actual facts until she deletes you. Might be fun...

Beth said...

You should go ahead a re-friend her & collect her status updates to share. :) I was doing that with one of my "friends", but then she started going through a divorce so I felt mean about it.

Jennifer said...

It really does. I think part of it is the curiosity angle and the other part is that as you get older you don't care as much about those petty things that mattered in high school. People are probably just more like, "oh hey look, there's Ashley, she's cool, I wonder what she's been up to?"

JulieStyles said...

I have a FB rule (also a rule in life, which is too short for bullshit): If I didn't like you then, I probably won't like you now. Those I've reengaged with on FB have always held a special place in my heart and I'm happy to have reconnected with them. However, those I didn't like, don't like or wouldn't talk to unless I was slightly tipsy (I'm a fairly happy drunk) - I say buh bye..

Joy said...

I have stayed away from FB only have a generic page to get freebies. had a bad experience with my space so I have stayed away.

I really think though you should friend her and then tell us all the great things she says in her daily updates and we can all make fun of her:)

Beck said...

It's not just you. I've had 5 friend requests in my holding pen for 3 weeks now. Don't have a clue as to why these people would friend request me. Lame.

Colleen said...

Well, since crazy bus stop lady is out of your life, you do need to fill that void, right?! LOL, I say bring her on and enjoy the laughs!

ebrubaker said...

I've decided I don't want a gazillion friends, and have rarely, if ever, friended anyone. I also just push the "ignore" button fairly often and occasionally do "spring cleaning" and delete people off my friends list. I actually had someone call me once and ask me why I had unfriended her---I didn't think she would notice---guess I was wrong.
I look at it this way---I don't want friends of friends of friends seeing my stuff. I monitor what I post to a certain extent, nevertheless I just want some control over my postings and who sees them. I've also done what Kerriew mentioned, and severely limited what some people can see about me (but I can still read about them if I want).

Anonymous said...

I hear ya on the weirdness of Facebook. When I read your post a little while ago I thought to myself "I haven't had any weird issues lately."

Jinx.

I just logged in to find a friend request from my ex-boyfriend's family's restaurant. Lets just say things ended badly. So freaking weird. I think I'm just going to leave the request in limbo. Ack! I hate this!

Ashley said...

I do almost always accept high school friend requests, just because I'm equally curious and there were a lot of people I really liked in school. Most of these people have actually been semi-interesting to catch up with, and the non-interesting ones are interesting in that they've always been a little boring and still are.

I can't believe I forgot to tell you all this, but Bus Stop Mom sat behind me at the last school function. I went above and beyond to pretend I didn't see her, and as we were leaving I felt bad about it and spoke to her--instant craziness. Right off the bat. All guilt about avoiding her disappeared as soon as she began speaking and I escaped ASAP.

I thought I had saved the FB Frienemy's Comment of Gold but can't find it now--I may have to re-friend her just to get it for you all. If we tried to come up with a parody of "that mom", we still couldn't come up with something this good.

Jess said...

Please oh please re-friend that mom- I need some humor in my life!

My bat-shit crazy MIL "friended" me... um yeah- we haven't talked in over a year and the last time we did she screamed at me and cussed me out- but sure, let's be "friends" on FB! *roll eyes*

Mrs. Everything said...

You can always friend someone and then hide them from your feed, so you don't have to see the BS they post. They won't know one way or the other!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

She probably just wants you to be her friend on Farmville ;o)

QM said...

The whole stalker facebook thing is two word. I need to write about the woman who sent a friend request to my husband worded in such a way that I needed a cigarette after reading the message-yes, I can get on his account-I have to protect him from the lace shirt wearing cubicle dwellers who apparently have the hots for him from afar--the request even said, "You don't know me, but I know you.." Yeah-awesome.

Kenny and Chrissy said...

That is precisely why I deleted my Facebook account recently--too complicated and too creepy. I have to say that my life has been much less complicated ever since :).

Sasha said...

My work recently sent a request for all of us to "like" them on facebook and follow them on Twitter.

Yeah, no.

I *might* set up an account with a username of Sasha'sDummyAcctForWorkPurposes...

Jen said...

I wouldn't re-friend her, even if it would be good entertainment for us. I am getting the vibe that she's a creepy jealous person, will always feel jealous towards you, and I think this is her way of keeping tabs on what you're up to. I think it's creepy and unnecessary.

Kimberly said...

I Facebooked that my step daughter's feet were stinky. Almost got my ass kicked by her scary as hell biological mother who any other time doesn't know she's alive.

Sounds about right, doesn't it :)

I learned real quick how to change my settings and block people.

~Gretchen~ said...

I feel fortunate to have made the cut, then.

Deb said...

I think I'm going to check to make sure I'm still on your list.

My mother has been talking about joining Facebook. I hope she doesn't, because explaining to her why I won't friend her (and I won't) is going to be tough to fit in between our intense discussions about the weather in Arizona and the weather in Minnesota. Apparently, my MIL knows better than to try to friend me...or she hasn't figured out how to use FB yet.