Wednesday, December 19, 2007

You Better Not Cry

Can I just take a moment to tell you how much I want to see Santa this year? Almost as much as I want to be held down and have bamboo sticks forced under my fingernails.

So far, every year, I wait too long and then I drag my child/ren to the mall and stand in a 45+ minute line with a bunch of whiny brats and their rude pushy parents, wondering why the hell Santa is taking so long and excited for Big Kid to have his magical Christmas moment. Then we FINALLY get up there, after prompting, quizzing, prepping and threatening Big Kid for nearly an hour, and I shove him towards the jolly old soul only for him to A) Scream B) Run C) Hide.


It's the same Santa who is there every year, some nice old guy with a beard and longish hair and the whole nine yards. He's got a hare lip, so he kind of looks like a mix between the Easter Bunny and Santa and is a little creepy looking, so I do understand the fear some kids have.

One year we forced Big Kid to sit there and used the photo of him writhing in Santa's lap, screaming in open mouthed terror, tears on his face and gum on the sole of his shoe, for our Christmas card. Most people thought it was funny and there were only a couple of child abuse allegations as a result.

So why do it this year? Because knowing little kid he'll hug Santa tightly and snuggle into his lap for giggling and cuddles and cooing and Big Kid SWEARS that he's ready this time, that this is his year. The photographer in me is pining for that elusive photo of both kids looking at the camera and smiling, happy together on Santa's lap. Oh, and the mommy guilt. If they don't see Santa, my children will grow up to be serial killers, or even worse, they'll think I was a terrible mother.

However, could someone please tell me how this guy flies around the world in a reindeer powered vehicle delivering gifts to millions of kids over the course of one night, but he can't take appointments? Or at least get those little flashing coaster/pager things restaurants use to tell you when your table is ready and hand those out?

Because trust me, only assholes wait until this close to Christmas to take their kids to see Santa, and I'm really not in the mood to deal with such idiots. Or my kids. I'm not ready to deal with them in the confined space of a line for almost an hour.

Why do I do this to myself?


Misty said...

I gave up a long time ago getting the "mall" santa pix. I usually just find out when Wallgreens or Walmart will have their Santa... Take my own pix with my camera. lol

Kate said...

We took Abby this weekend and I told the photographer, she'll probably scream but thats ok, thats the picture I want. She kinda looked at me weird. Wonder how long before CPS knocks on my door?

Melinda Browning said...

Can I just say that you are hysterical?!!! You seriously need to write a book. That woman who wrote "Hello, My Name is Mommy" has got nothing, I mean nothing, on you. I just mildly chuckled when I read it. Reading your blog, I have to remember not to have any beverages I'm preparing to swallow. Keep up the great writing!!

Rebecca said...

We have found the best Santa. It's just some guy and his wife. They start decorating the outside of their house and yard around Halloween. There's this whole little path you walk through all of their light display, and at the end is Santa and Mrs. Claus. Every year they do something cool (one year it was cool toys....not junk either!) last year is was packages of homemade cookies. What's best, your kid can take as long as they want talking to him, and it's all free. Take your own pics. Well, there's a donation box...and believe me...we donate plenty! That experience is SOOOO worth it.

Plus, all the neighbors come out closer to Christmas (when they get busy) and help park cars (in their own yards) and direct traffic. It's so great. A but of a drive for you though!!!

Anonymous said...

I have one with my son you can tell he has been crying all red faced, but he is sitting there with his hershey's kiss and crayon. very cute though.

This year we went to Barnes & Noble to breakfast with santa and I snapped my own picture of them with him and they both actually smiled!


Ms. Skywalker said...

Please God,

Do not let the Queens find out that parents actually take their children to see Santa.

In sanity's name I pray.


Anonymous said...

Move to'll have Deb, me and a perfect santa that takes appts. for free in a studio (at the Mall of America).

Deb said...

Ha! Marci beat me to it. We do have the real Santa here. The rest of them are all just his helpers, and you know how we know? Because he takes appointments. That proves he's a pro, and the real deal.

Plus, moving to MN would give you an excuse to buy new clothes and shoes. Those flip-flops of yours wouldn't hold up for most of the year here.