Sunday, December 7, 2008

Dear God,

I get it.

I'm being punished for all of those mornings I crept out of a South Beach nightclub into the morning light with a repetitive beat stuck in my head and a smile permanently affixed to my face thanks to the drugs that made it all possible.

Honestly, I think getting my five year old to force me to listen to two techno songs over and over and over and over and over and over again for weeks on end eleven years after the fact is cruel and unusual punishment.

You know it was never the music I liked---it was the rock star lifestyle of hanging out in VIP rooms with celebrities....and the drugs didn't hurt either. It's called Ecstasy for a reason, you know. It takes drugs to make this crap sound good, you know.

While I was typing this (with bass thumping in the background), little kid got into the fridge and poured baking soda all over the kitchen. What did I do to deserve that? Is someone feeling a little crabby over the whole church thing? Or what?

Let's negotiate here. I'll try to stay away from VIP rooms and drugs (this is surprisingly easy when you become a 30 year old mother of two) and you expel all demons from little kid and get on board with this whole "personal relationship with God that doesn't involve church on Sunday mornings" thing I've been trying to work out here.

I'm going to go clean up the kitchen. How 'bout you go help those kids in Darfur, end the war in Iraq, and get Big Kid back on track with some real music, mmmkay?

Yours Truly,
Ashley

6 comments:

Preppy Pettit said...

I too, am awaiting my punishment for being a "party girl" for all those years before the twins. HA haha

BarbieMom said...

OMG, Panic attack setting coming on and it's a big one. Is this standard punishment? For if it is, in approx two years I will be in a kind of hell I've never known, one I didn't know exist, a hell few will ever speak. Please tell me what I might do now to avoid the wrath... I really need to know. Being in LA for the "party years" the time spent dancing until 11:00 AM at DOESYOURMOMMAKNOW gay bar on Sunset, were greatly extended beyond the time most normal people are out all night.
I thought I got out of it relatively unscathed. Or so I thought....

Jennifer said...

Mmmmm, good luck with the negotiations. LOL

Demand More said...

See, this is why I'm an Atheist. I get to blame my mother for things instead of God. :)

Jen said...

I know the perfect gift for Big Kid. A portable DVD player with HEADPHONES. Or, iPod with HEADPHONES! Key word being headphones, and whatever device they might plug into so you don't have to listen. Techno music - ha! Cracking me up just thinking about it.

Catfish said...

...tell me about it!